One time someone asked me a direct question and I almost forgot to answer.

Yeah, that actually happened.

You see, I don’t really talk that much. It’s not that I don’t like people; I just don’t feel compelled. I’m what you might call quiet, shy, introverted, reserved…and I haven’t always been very happy about it. Sometimes I took pride in being the way I am, but, more often than not, it made me feel weird, inadequate, and kind of useless.

Then one day, I was kneeling in the chapel, praying, when I snapped at God, “Why are you so quiet?!” And then immediately laughed.

No sooner did the words form in my head than a voice responded, “Really? Look who’s talking!” I blushed, mouthing an embarrassed “sorry!” to God. I of all people should appreciate that just because you’re not talking, doesn’t mean you aren’t present and it most certainly doesn’t mean you aren’t listening.

That day became something of a turning point for me. My quiet nature had become a sort of inside joke between God and me, and, to my surprise, it allowed me to realize in a new way that God liked me just as I was—that He had made me this way on purpose.

Unveiling God

That’s something I don’t take into consideration nearly as often as I should. I think sometimes we get so used to the phrase “image and likeness of God” that the words lose their splendor, their wonder, their audacity. We start to think that God made us off-handedly and then glanced down and said, “Yeah, that’ll work.” But to confess that you are made in the image and likeness of God is to confess that both your body and your heart reveal something about Him.

Being quiet makes me very observant. I can be in the same room all evening and say nothing, but rather spend the entire time observing everyone else. One of the reasons I love doing this is because each and every one of those people I’m observing reveals something to me about God.

I watch my friend who’s outgoing and opinionated and totally fearless make a fool of herself, speaking without a second thought as to what anyone will think, and I see God’s boldness.

I watch another friend who’s sensitive and sassy and child-like, and I see God’s joy.

I watch yet another friend who’s smart and determined and always the first to know if there is a problem of any kind, and I see God’s unwavering devotion. Their hearts unveil to me and to the world something about God’s heart, and so does mine.

A Quiet Heart

That day in the chapel was the first time I started to realize that my shyness isn’t just a lack of other things; it’s also a way that my heart unveils God.

God is bold and joyful and devoted.

He is also quiet and unassuming.

His presence can be found in the places no one is looking at or listening to.

He is a lover who is completely content to stare at me while I stare back at Him. No conversation necessary.

He doesn’t show all of Himself right away. He takes His time to build a relationship.

Being the shy girl in the corner (which I’ve been many times) has made me feel useless, but then I remember that being useful isn’t really my job; my heart wasn’t made to be useful. My heart was made to be beautiful. It was made to unveil God—both to myself and others.

While my more outgoing and bolder friends remind me not to be afraid, my own reserved nature reminds me that my heart is sacred, that it is first and foremost a gift from God, that God is present in the most unassuming places, and that I am valuable because of who I am and not for what I do.

Everything Is Grace

Of course, everything comes with its down sides. For me, being shy comes with the downside of feeling forgotten a lot. I’m not exactly the life of the party. I’m not someone who gets invited to things very much, and that’s okay. Every now and then, though, it makes me doubt everything I just wrote. There are times when I find myself sitting in a room with a bunch of people and that natural silence inside me is filled with anxiety and self-criticism. But I think God wants to be invited into those moments, too.

How often is God the one who’s forgotten? How often is it because He wasn’t saying enough or saying it loudly enough? How often am I the one who stops listening because I assume His silence is useless?

I can choose to think that God didn’t make me this way on purpose, but I know better. I know that when I feel forgotten or ignored that God is whispering to my heart that that is how He is treated by so many of His children, including me. I know that God is asking me to have the courage to believe that I am made in His image even if it feels sometimes like no one else sees it. I know that God is asking to share that moment with me.

God shapes our hearts to reveal Himself to us, but that doesn’t mean He reveals only the easy parts. He doesn’t put on a front for us. He loves us, and, like any true lover, He wants us to have the real Him, He wants us to have all of Him. He gives us his heart, open and bleeding because of it.

And yet how often do we reject God in ourselves?

Have you ever felt like being yourself is a burden? Have you ever felt like being yourself was just too hard?

If being shy makes us feel forgotten, if being bold leaves us embarrassed, if being devoted makes us feel unappreciated—it’s in those moments that He wants to build the deepest intimacy with us. It’s then that He wants to share a piece of His own heart especially with you, and it’s a part that was always meant for you before you were even born.

God wants to speak to you and through you. He wants your heart to echo His, and He made you the way He did so that He could do just that.

God notices every little quirk there is to know about me and loves me, because He is the one who made me that way. And I take comfort knowing that God is waiting for me, in the depths of my heart. Even when I fail to see Him, He isn’t going anywhere.