About a year ago, when I was finishing my last semester of college, as the stresses of finals and life were weighing down on me, I started thinking about my safety net of school being ripped out from under me and I needed to figure out life. I am the kind of person that likes organization and plans set in place. I tried to prepare for life after graduation with my many plans and ambitions, but that only resulted in more anxiety.
As graduation approached, and as I kept checking final papers, exams and presentations off my list my anxiety grew. People kept asking me: “Now what?” And I kept on answering: “I’m not sure yet, we will see where God leads me.” Even though I kept on saying that over and over, I was not trusting in His plan, because my plans were in the way.
Even though my own plans seemed to be distancing myself from God, God was not distancing himself from me. The day that I submitted my last paper of my undergraduate career, I went over to my dear friend’s house who has been my mentor for years. Speaking with her, the Holy Spirit directed the conversation and gave me an answer to a question that I have been searching for: “What do you want from me Lord?” God’s timing is so much better because his plans are something so uniquely for us, and better than we could have ever planned for our lives.
Have you seen the picture of Jesus standing on the water reaching down for St. Peter? We see that and imagine Christ lifting us up and embracing us in His strong and compassionate arms. When I finally stopped being stubborn and saw what God was calling me to do, I felt him rescuing me and slingshotting me out of the water to something better!
God called me to be a missionary for Life Teen for a full year, which ends August 2018. Going home for Christmas, I was again asked, “what are you going to do next year?” To be completely honest, I don’t know where I am going to be next year. I have learned that the more I try to force a plan for the future, the more stress I encounter and the less focused on God I become.
We hear “Trust in the Lord” so much, and often times we are too impatient to do so. But the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves, and if we give everything to Him, and trust in His timing, He will bring us to something better than we could’ve done on our own.
My desires for the future are valid, and the Lord wants to know the desires of our hearts. I may not know where I am going to be next year, but I know that God’s plan is better than mine.
I am a missionary on a pilgrimage that is the journey of life.
“In all things let us not forget to repeat with the Lord Jesus: “Not my will but Thine be done… “ -St. Maximilian Kolbe
If you think God may be calling you to a life of missions, check out Life Teen Missions here.
