Being Single/Dating/Holy Dating/My Relationships/Teen Relationships

God’s Time and Place: 7 Catholic Men on Meeting Their Wives

Q: I loved your last blog where Catholic women shared how they met their husbands after years of wondering if they would find the right one. Do you think that men feel the same way about finding their future wives?

A: I do! I say so not because I can read the male mind, but because on the night I got engaged my husband gave me a gift that gave me a glimpse into his head and heart.

After walking into my living room one night and seeing the floor covered with rose petals, lit candles, and Brian standing there in a suit, I realized this was not going to be a typical Saturday night! Sure enough, moments later Brian knelt down and asked me to be his wife. Right before he did, he handed me an envelope, which I would open later that evening after he went home. The envelope contained 22 letters that he had written over the past four years to his future wife.

His letters showed me that I had not been alone in wondering if God was going to somehow lead me to my future spouse. I read about his hopes and dreams of finding me, the frustrations and heartaches he endured going through break-ups, lonely Valentine’s Days, times when he felt God was really close to him and times when he did not, and much more. His final letter, written four days before he proposed, says, “I just re-read every letter I wrote you, and I couldn’t help but be moved by God’s faithfulness. Even at my most frustrated points, despite my feeble attempts to pave my own way, He was blindly leading me to you. You exceed every one of my hopes, and let me tell you – they were lofty hopes.”

For the record, I said “yes” when he proposed.

Brian isn’t the only guy who has questioned when he would meet his future wife and if all the waiting would be worth it. I asked seven of our Catholic male friends to share how they met their future wives and how they knew she was the one God had for them.

I MET MY FUTURE WIFE…

ON A HIKE

After years of following God’s call in seminary and discerning my vocation was to marriage, I felt that time was not on my side. I had dated several women, but God’s timing is ultimately the best. I had felt that God was calling me to change my career and move to a different area. The first time I met Amy was on a hike. We had connected on Facebook through my sister several months before, but the connection we made in person on the hike was instantaneous. I felt that I had known her for years after only a few hours of being together. Once we had met, we both knew that this was part of a bigger plan that Someone else wanted as well. After a year of dating and a year engagement, we were married in late 2013.

-Dave, married at age 35

AT AN ATHLETIC CLUB

People often say, “…The moment I met them I knew…” In my case, it was not the moment I met her but the moment I knew her that I was sure. At the age of twenty-nine, I no doubt went to the athletic club predisposed to be on the lookout for the love of my life. I say this because I was longing for the right person to share my life with. No amount of social time at athletic clubs or bars or restaurants was making me feel fulfilled as a person – it was just filling my time. From the start, I felt a comfort level with Rene. We kidded and sparred, and I teased her about her New York accent. I quickly grew to respect her for who she was, and what she believed. Her undying strength of conviction about life and God turned a solid foundation and a secure relationship into what would become the “rock of my life,” as well as for our entire family.

-Steve, married at age 30

AT A YOUTH MINISTRY EVENT

I met Melissa while we were both working at a youth ministry event for the diocese. We were both put on a project, became friends, and then went back to our lives. We both dated other people and finished college, but we stayed in touch here and there. It wasn’t until we began working at two parishes relatively close to one another and working together planning youth events that we developed an attraction. I asked her on a date (dinner and a concert) and we got married about 18 months later. Dating Melissa was just so natural and so easy. It was like my head and my heart finally agreed on something and I felt peaceful. God brought me to my wife through my ministry, and our friendship, courtship, and marriage continue to grow through the work He’s put in front of us.

-Perry, married at age 25

ON E-HARMONY

I had always intended to find my wife in college, but that was not God’s plan. After college I went into the Army. I would then deploy to Iraq twice for a year and I moved five times over the next seven years. It left me little time to pursue a wife and l always figured who wants to be with a guy who deploys and moves so much. Then one day I decided to I needed to stop waiting to find my wife and see if that special one for me existed. I joined eHarmony and for the next nine months I had little luck. Then my future wife’s profile showed up and I asked her out on a date (she said yes!). From the first date I knew there was something special about her. She showed that a few weeks later when I found out I was deploying, but decided to continue dating me. Less than three months after we met, I deployed to Afghanistan. While deployed during a Mass I felt God speak to me and say she was the one. I decided to listen to God, even though I feared it might look like we were moving too fast, and I asked her to marry me via video chat (she said yes!). We got married three months after I came home from deployment. We have moved multiple times since, but we are a happy family with one son and one on the way.

-Matthew, married at age 30

ON A JOB INTERVIEW

In January of 1964, I went into New York City to be interviewed for a Management Trainee Program with a large company. When I got to the company, I had to wait in the reception area. I sat down next to a very attractive woman named Maureen who, it turned out, was also being interviewed for the same program. We were both hired, and over the next several months we got to know each other as friends. After a week spent together at work training program, I knew I had to ask her out. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. On our first date, we went to a party at a friend’s home. At the end of the party, my friend’s mother remarked, “I bet you two will get married.” After dating for a few months, I proposed to her on Christmas Eve. This summer, we’ll be surrounded by our six children, their spouses, and our 33 grandchildren as we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.

-Don, married at age 28

AT THE GYM

While in law school, I was not having much luck meeting a Catholic woman. Fortunately, visiting my parents over one weekend, I ran into Denise working out in a local university gym. I didn’t see her again for about a month, but after the Easter Vigil mass, we ran into each other again and went out on our first date that night. The following morning, my father, who had never before recommended I ask someone out on a date, nor did he know I just went on the date the night before, suggested that I ask Denise out on a date. She had recently received the business award from my father as the top graduating student in the business school and he was very impressed with her as a person. We dated for several months, but it wasn’t until after praying a novena with Denise to discern our future that I became confident she was the one. We got engaged 1 month later and married 9 months thereafter. Married for over 20 years, and eight children later, she is more beautiful to me every day I am blessed to be with her. Her perseverance and thoughtfulness continue to amaze me.

-Mike, married at age 25

IN A BAR

I met my wife on New Years Eve in a bar in New York City — which is funny because my brother would say to me, “You’re not going to find your wife in a bar, you need to go on some of those Catholics dating sites, get involved with young adult groups, etc.” However, I was not concerned about finding a wife that night. I was on a mission that night: I was going to play “wing man” to my cousin as he proposed to his girlfriend. I was there to take pictures and document the event. Looking back, that night was perfect because I was just being myself and having fun knowing it was a big night for my cousin. It allowed my future wife to see me as I was and not doing anything over the top to try to impress her. We started dating long distance after that night and were engaged a year later. It’s crazy how God’s timing is not our timing because my wife and I went to the same small school but never met. My brother convinced my future wife to go to that school when she was in high school, but we never met until that night. My wife and I always say that if we had met earlier in life we probably wouldn’t have dated. It had to be God’s time and place, not ours. My mom always said, “You never know where you will find you’re future spouse.” I guess she was right.

-Jimmy, married at age 31

About the Author

Courtney Kissinger

I graduated from law school and then decided to become an elementary school teacher. I’m married to an arguably attractive youth minister, Brian, and we have the cutest daughter and son. I hate cheese. That includes cheese on pizza, Nacho Cheese Doritos, cottage cheese, and cream cheese. I will eat cheesecake if it’s covered with chocolate.

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