2017-10_LT-Crushed

In high school, I met the love of my life; we were prom king and queen and now we have 5 children!

Just kidding. That’s not my story, and it’s probably the story of only like 2% of people. (For reference, that’s just about how much fat there is in milk).

But in all seriousness, unlike what’s depicted in this high school fairytale, I’ve come to know the feeling of being rejected in a relationship. It sucks. I start replaying every conversation. I wonder if I came off a bit too strong, talked too much or talked too little. The thought, “maybe if I looked liked her, he wouldn’t have rejected me” starts to creep in my mind.

Having feelings for someone puts us in a vulnerable position and when we’re rejected it can feel like our worth is being ripped apart from us. It feels embarrassing, disappointing, and like we’re just not good enough.

So yeah, being rejected sucks. If you’re in the midst of a rejection, you know what I mean. And tbh, it will probably always sting. But here are some things to remember that will make it suck a lot less:

It’s not an attack on who you are

Be firm in who you are. You are the Father’s chosen beloved. You are His, and that will always be your truest identity and where your confidence must flow from. You cannot put your confidence and worth in shaky foundations, like who wants to be in a relationship with you or who doesn’t. If you’re struggling with feeling rejected, shut up any lie that says, “you’re unloveable” or “if you were different, they would have liked you back.”

If a rejection starts to shine light onto your insecurities, then perhaps it’s a sign for you to really work through them. No compliment or relationship will magically solve those insecurities. It’s Christ alone who can and will.

It says more about them than it says about you

For example, has there been a time where you have been asked to donate money and you said, “no”? Was it because you didn’t think it was a worthy cause? Or that the organization had something wrong with it? No, not necessarily.

Okay maybe you said now isn’t a good time. Maybe you’re partial to another organization. Maybe you just didn’t feel like it. Plenty of people don’t donate money to organizations they’re really passionate about. But my point is, there are so, so many reasons why you said no that have nothing to do with the charity itself and all to do with yourself.

If we applied that same logic to dating, we would see that there are so many factors that go into dating. It’s silly to assume that a rejection from one person (or even 26 people) is some kind of determination of how lovable you are.

There are more fish in the sea

It’s a lie that there’s no one else out there that is as charming, funny, attractive, holy, understanding, etc. as that one fella or lady who’s the object of your unrequited love. It’s a lie that there’s some clock counting down to when you must meet the love of your life. At the right time, the right person will choose you and in the meantime, there’s nothing wrong with being on your own for a bit. In fact, being single is a really good thing that shouldn’t stunt you, but give you the freedom you need to grow into yourself.

Know the big, grand scheme of things

I didn’t date at all in high school. At the time my heart ached; I felt like I wasn’t good enough and I tried to earn love from people by changing who I was. But looking back, I couldn’t be more thankful I didn’t date. In high school and even in college, most of us don’t even really know who we are, so relationships can easily become our identity and source of worth. I’m so thankful things didn’t go my way, because if they had, I think I might have been in relationships that were really damaging, unhealthy, and unholy.

I would have made a boyfriend my savior and my source of worth. Instead, my time of being single has allowed me to continue to learn and embrace my worth and identity in Christ. In hindsight, I can look back and be thankful. I don’t know what your story will be, but I challenge you to think farther than your current feelings can perceive.

In reality, five years from now the rejection you feel in this phase of life won’t sting anymore and you might even be thankful things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped.

Friend, if you’re feeling the weight of the rejection of a crush, it’s going to be okay. Abide in Christ and the truth of who you are as His son or daughter. Lean into what He might be trying to tell you through this. If you feel insecure, it’s time to put your confidence in Him. If you feel lonely, it’s time to run into His arms. If you’re aching for love, it’s time to know Love, Himself. Maybe you’ve gone off and rejected Him, but He has been waiting patiently. While you’ve looked to receive love somewhere else, He’s been longing to give you love.

And in reality, five years from now the rejection you feel in this phase of life won’t sting anymore and you might even be thankful things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped.

Part of being single is getting to know more about yourself and how you reflect God’s heart as a young man or woman. If you’re a single guy, check out Fire Inside and if you’re a single girl, check out More Than a Pretty Face.

About the Author

Julie Lai

I'm a college kid from California, but lived in the motherland, Rome, for a bit too. The best way to describe me is that I'm somewhere in between Drake and Mother Teresa. For me, falling in love with Jesus has been the wildest adventure and I want everyone to join me! If you want to read more of my stuff, I am also a writer for a website called Instagram @julielai