One time when I was on a retreat God really put it on my heart that I needed to speak to my youth minister about something I was struggling with. I felt a huge pit in my stomach. I had an overwhelming amount of questions, thoughts, and lies from the enemy swarming my head. I knew I couldn’t piece this together on my own.

“All right God. Fine I’ll do it. I’ll tell my youth minister about the super-secret-thing I’m dealing with. Okay. She’s right there. Deep breaths, Julie. Deep breaths. Okay I’m just going to stand here hovering around her. All right five more minutes God, I’ll do it. Ugh God. Okay maybe another five minutes. I got this God. Okay, okay, at 9:30 I’ll do it.”

I knew I wouldn’t feel peace until I talked to her and just let it all out. She was the most compassionate and understanding woman I have ever met, yet I felt so much anxiety.

Why? Because the devil was trying to keep me from speaking to her. He wanted me to hold onto my pride. “Do you really want her to see you like this?” The enemy whispers. “You’re a leader. You’re supposed to have it all together. She’s going to think of you differently.”

“You were not made for comfort, you were made for greatness”

But despite all of this God was still calling me, even pleading me to speak to her. So after everything died down on this retreat, I finally asked if I could talk to her. I told her all that I was dealing with, told her my most intimate thoughts, and asked her questions. I felt so much healing in my brokenness. She spoke with so much love and truth. And with every truth God spoke through her, He defeated every lie the devil was telling me. At the end of the night I had two youth ministers, a core member, and priest praying over me as I cried. My walls of pride had come down for Love to come in.

I now know that my life would be entirely different had I not had that “20 seconds of insane courage.” In fact, I don’t think I would have overcome many of the things I dealt with had I not told the adults in my life what I was struggling with. I went to them when I was dealing with sin, struggling with a church teaching, a big decision, struggling with a question (or millions of questions,) or if I just wanted someone to talk to.

We walk through this life in our little bubble filled with all of of our emotions, previous experiences, and what the world tells us. When we’re trapped in this little bubble of ours we don’t have a lot perspective. It’s subjective. And God and His truth are much greater than we can possibly comprehend on our own. That’s why He gives us His Church and puts strong, faithful people in our lives to help us. We ought to seek guidance and truth.

Who should you talk to?

For me I have a spiritual director, a priest, who I meet with once a month. Over time he has gotten to know me, my background, and helps me overcome my questions and sins. I also have a bunch of other wonderful people who God has put on my path. For example, I have a really lovely nun I talk to when I have discernment questions. I have a rad married youth minister who I talk to about relationship questions. I have an older knowledgeable friend I talk to about Catholic teachings I don’t understand. I am confident God hand-picked these people in my life for a reason.

As you’re reading this say a prayer for the Holy Spirit to bring someone in your life to mind… Who is someone in your life that you admire for their Catholic faith? Who is striving for sainthood? Who is understanding and knowledgeable? Who is ultimately going to want the best for you and speak to you hard truth with love? Perhaps a family member or close older friend came to mind. Though, I look often to youth ministers, priests, nuns, spiritual directors etc. Their sole job is to lead you closer to God. I would bet that they are even waiting for you to come to them.

Youth Leaders do their job not because they love playing games or having pizza, but because they desire heaven for you. You might be surprised to find that they’ll be really proud that you were able to reach out for guidance.

If no one came to mind, this would be a great opportunity to pray for more mentors in your life. Don’t be discouraged. You might need to email some local parishes and ask them to point you to someone.

Saints and Sinners

I think every future saint must be two things. They must one, recognize that they are a sinner. Two, be ridiculously courageous. In finding that we are all sinners and not perfect, I am able to realize it’s okay to not have it all together.

It is in courage, greatness is offered to me. Though difficult, I have the possibility of allowing love and grace come in and engulf my pride. When I choose to ask for guidance, I allow other people who are also striving for sainthood to walk with me, and help carry my cross.

God gives us the gift of wisdom and experience from all of those around us. All we have do is accept that gift. So go, go talk to that person that God has put on your heart about that super-secret-thing you’re dealing with. Yes, be courageous and run towards Heaven.

“You wouldn’t think of building a good house to live in here on earth without an architect. How can you ever hope, without a director, to build the castle of your sanctification in order to live forever in heaven?… You think you are really somebody: your studies — your accomplishments, your social position, your name— the leadership positions you hold, your wealth, your age … no longer a child. Precisely because of all of this, you — more than others — need a director for your soul.”
— St. Josemaria Escrivà