I hate guy talks. Why do I hate guy talks? Because they aren’t man talks. If I have to sit through an hour-long hype up session about how men shouldn’t masturbate, watch porn, manipulate women, or be all around turd-heads, I am going to scream.

While those aren’t bad things to address, when the conversation stops there, the message is incomplete. Being a man isn’t just about abstaining from bad things, it’s about intentionally acting for the good. It is about coming to know your passions, joys, sorrows, fears, weaknesses, and strengths then integrating them into serving God, women, and other men. Being a man isn’t about abandoning passions, it’s about sanctifying them.

Discovering authentic masculinity in yourself is a journey, an adventure, and a pilgrimage. The arduous journey of coming into manhood looks different for everyone and is a continual development. Let’s break down these ideas of discovering masculinity:

Journey

No man’s point of departure nor final destination will look the same. Some men will leave boyhood in their early teens, others in their thirties (don’t be that guy). The keystone of the transition from boyhood to manhood is the recognition that to be a man is to die to self in the service of others.

Adventure

This journey in masculinity is an awesome adventure! You learn what you like, what you don’t like, and how you desire to live. This stage of development is when you recognize it is okay and even cool to be passionate about things that aren’t just accepted. Art takes on a new flair, music a new note, and literature a new meaning.

The adventure is less about drastic events which propel the plot of your life, but instead, it’s about discovering how you are to live out the journey.

For me, the most significant influencer of my adventure has been understanding what it means to truly be a warrior. Often when we hear warrior we think of burly bearded men waving swords and what not. But in reality, those images are of brutes. A warrior is a lover of people, a lover of truth, and a defender of both. Warriors are poets, they are artists and musicians, they are fluent in both the ways of love and war, and they serve a higher purpose, a purpose which leads us to the best part of discovering masculinity, the pilgrimage.

Pilgrimage

We are imperfect men seeking to serve a perfect God. This is the essence of the pilgrimage — to center one’s life entirely around the reality that life is a gift from God and is to be lived fully and faithfully so that it may be given back to Him. To be a man is to love and serve God entirely with our body, mind, and soul. By serving God, we can better serve others. By receiving His love, we can better love others. A man without prayer is not a man at all.

So, fellow men, go forth on this pursuit of the heart of God as its revealed in your masculinity. Love greatly, seek earnestly, and live passionately. Discover how God is calling you to be a man right now.