Author: Sara Vasile

I Choose to Trust – One Year in Haiti:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

Sara & girls

October 10th marked the one year anniversary of our mission team moving to Haiti and beginning mission here at the John Paul II Center for the New Evangelization! I can’t believe it has been a year, but I am blessed and encouraged by all that God has done in these past twelve months. I have been reflecting a lot on the past year and the things that God has been opening up and changing in my heart.

When we first realized that God was opening the doors for Life Teen Missions to come to Haiti, my first response was fear.

Fear of helping to begin a new mission where there were a lot of questions and unknowns.
Fear of my own weaknesses and incapabilities.
Fear of failing and letting down many people in Haiti and America.

I chose to come here despite those fears, knowing that God was calling me and I could not say no. Many of those fears continued well into our mission. Some even grew and multiplied.

Fear of speaking a language that I am not fluent in.
Fear that something could go wrong in bringing mission groups to Haiti.
Fear of my own weaknesses and faults being too much for the mission and community to handle.
Fear of how we saw the enemy here in Haiti and fear that maybe our God wasn’t big enough to protect me.
Fear of feeling alone.

As often seems to happen in life, many of my fears were realized.

In the first month of our mission here, we experienced a hurricane during which we lost running water. The Lord took care of us and we came out completely unscathed, with the added knowledge of where every leak was in each roof, and the added experience of taking bucket showers with rainwater.

I have said many things wrong in Haitian Creole. Sometimes I sound like a child. This is humbling. Many people have laughed at me for things that I have said. Thankfully, most of the time it is good-natured laughing. On the occasion that people remember and repeat to me the silly or wrong things that I say, it is always someone that I trust and love and can laugh with at my own mistakes.

I have failed over and over and over again at loving my community members. God has used this trial to help me understand mercy as I experience the mercy of God and the mercy of my brothers and sisters each time they continue to love and accept and encourage me despite all of my faults.

I have found that I really am weak and incapable, but that is not a victory of the enemy. That is a victory of the Lord. I did not come to be a missionary in Haiti because I am brave or holy or capable. I came because I am weak and small and because I serve a God who for some crazy reason wants to use the little ones of this world. I have accomplished nothing in this past year, but somehow God has accomplished many great things, and I have gotten to be a part of His mission.

Mission groups came. Tires popped. Our truck broke down. Delays on finishing the truck that we bought caused us to have to borrow and rent other vehicles. Plans changed often and God rocked us, because HEARTS were changed as well. Watching teenagers, parents, young adults, core members, and youth ministers work together, love together, and minister together was beautiful. Their eagerness to use their few Creole words was inspiring to me. Their love for the poor not as a category of people, but as their brothers and sisters in Christ, was beautiful and encouraging to me. Their willingness to be hot, sweaty, tired, and dirty for the Gospel, with joyful hearts, brought joy and new life to my own heart, over and over and over again.

I have seen the enemy try to rear his ugly head in Haiti through voodoo, at prayer meetings, and in our mission, but I have seen our mighty God conquer over and over and over, because the victory is ALREADY His. Christ has risen from the dead.

I have felt alone at times, but more often that not, I have felt loved and blessed and encouraged by my community here and by the teens here, despite the language barrier. I have felt blessed and encouraged by every person who is praying for us, every person that has visited, every person that has been cheering us on, every youth group that has raised money for us, and the many people and groups of people who want to be a part of what God is doing here in Haiti.

Through all of these experiences, I have realized that fear is useless. It does not help me plan for anything. It does not make me smarter or more prepared. It is a weed that the enemy plants in my heart to choke out the glory that God wants to accomplish. Fear is useless. I will not let it dictate my life. I will not let it creep in with all of its questioning and doubt.

I will choose to trust in a God who is bigger than my fear, whose love conquers my fear, and who will never leave me alone.

“Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:19-20

Do You Want to Work for the Gospel?:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

“The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few. . .”

Haiti girls

This is the beginning of one of my favorite scriptures. Even though I love this scripture, it can also be difficult and challenging. It saddens me because I have seen the reality that the “laborers for the harvest” (Christians who are willing to live and preach the Gospel) are few in the world. The laborers are few in Haiti, the laborers are few in Europe, but the laborers may also be few in your own school, or your own home or family.

The first time I went on a foreign mission trip, I went to General Cepeda, Mexico. Each evening, we would drive out to “ranchos” which were little towns out in the desert. We would pray and minister at the ranchos each evening. These little towns had chapels, but no priests, and the people there could not usually get to mass because they didn’t have the transportation or the means to get there. These people remained Catholic, despite the fact that they often could not receive the sacraments. While it was beautiful to be able to minister to these people, it was also difficult for me when I realized that there are people in our Church who are trying to be faithful Catholics, but do not get to receive the sacraments that really MAKE us Catholic! It saddened me to think that those people probably felt forgotten by our Church. I felt personally responsible that as a member of the Church, I needed to make sure that people know that they are not forgotten or abandoned by God.

I am thinking about that this morning, because the same thing is true in Haiti. Each parish has several chapels assigned to it – some of these chapels see priests often, some of them see a priest about once a year.

I can’t help but think about the number of souls that are being lost because there is no one to go and minister to them. It is far too easy to get comfortable in our lives and weigh the risks or the difficulties of going on a mission trip, being a missionary, or even just living and speaking the Gospel in our schools and workplaces. We all make excuses. Even those of us who are missionaries, at least think and worry about “ME” more than we worry about the countless people in the world who need to hear the Gospel and who at this moment are not hearing it. Whether our excuses are money, relationships, jobs, school, comforts, or just fear, there are far too many things that we put in between us and the call that God has placed on our lives.

For me, too often, I feel unworthy. I feel small. I feel as if God could not possibly use me. I feel scared of being uncomfortable, or of just speaking up. Sometimes I just doubt that I am able to hear His voice. All of these things hinder me and stop me from being the missionary that God is calling me to be.

Today and every day, I need to ask God again how He wants me to be a laborer for His harvest, and pray that there might be more people willing to evangelize with their whole lives, starting first with me.

“. . . so ask the master of the harvest to send out laborers for his harvest.” Luke 10:2

 

Is Jesus Enough?:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

A couple weeks ago, I found out something difficult about one of our teenagers. It is a problem that you would not often find in America, but one that I suspect is common here in Haiti. One of the teens that comes to our mission base almost every day, Taina (pronounced like Ty-een-a), doesn’t have a bed.

Because we live at a Diocesan Center, we have several beds here. We don’t have as many as we would like sometimes, and our mattresses are not in the best condition, but we at least have enough beds for us to sleep on, and about twenty other visitors (thirty if some are willing to be slightly uncomfortable). One day last week, some of our teen girls came by on a day when we needed to make beds for visitors. Since they are always willing to help with tasks, I asked them to help us make beds. After we finished, there were some leftover mattresses (okay, let’s be real, they were floor mats that were less than an inch thick) piled up in a corner. Taina (one of the smallest girls, and a great dancer) walked over to the pile and lay right in the middle of it, telling me she was going to go to sleep there. I just laughed. A few seconds later, she got up, and pointed to an orange mat and asked me in Creole if she could have it. I asked her why. She said she didn’t have one. I said, “You don’t have a bed?” She said no. So I asked how she slept. Her and her friend Louci proceeded to show me. They spread a sheet on the floor. That is the only thing they sleep on at night.

While it broke my heart then and it still does now, I knew that I couldn’t give Taina a bed that day. Because if I gave her a mattress, every other person in town who didn’t have a mattress would come asking for one, and we simply don’t have enough. I agonized over this for days. I wrote emails to my friends. I talked about it in our community. I prayed about it in the chapel.

I went through many scenarios in my head. Maybe I could raise enough money to buy mattresses for the whole town so that no one would have to sleep on the floor. For a few minutes, it sounded like a good idea. But then I realized that it would not be appropriate, because our mission here is evangelization. It would be terrible if people suddenly thought we were going to solve all of their material problems. Then I thought, maybe I could roll up the floor mat really small and shove it into a backpack and take it to Taina’s house without anyone ever knowing or finding out. This was also not a realistic option.

Finally, I realized that I was asking myself and other people all of the wrong questions. The question is not, “How do I get Taina a mattress?” or “How do I fix this?” or even (it sometimes felt this way), “How can I stop all of the suffering in the whole world?” At the end of the day, the reality is that many people in the world sleep without mattresses, and many of them don’t know life in a different way. Like Taina, they are not unhappy people (like we can be, even with our fancy mattresses). And while a mattress would make them more comfortable at night, it would not solve their deepest problems. The question is really, “Is Jesus enough?”

A problem like this DEMANDS a response. The suffering of others, ALWAYS demands a response from us, because we are Christians. But for me, right now, the response has to be an increase in my prayers and my faith. Will I pray for these girls more? Will I offer up my own sufferings for them? Will I make sure that when I minister to them, I am really giving them Jesus, and not myself? And do I really believe that when I give them Jesus, I am giving them everything that they need? Do I really believe that the salvation of their soul is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing? Do I believe that Jesus can bring hope and comfort to all situations and all sufferings, even the sufferings of people that I love deeply?

I do. I do believe that with my whole heart. I believe that my God is enough for them. I believe that no matter what suffering we face, our Lord is the ONLY answer. He is our hope. He is our peace. He is ALL that we need.

Give us all more faith Jesus. Help us believe that You are enough. Help us to know what response you are asking from us when we encounter suffering. Give us Your eyes to see, Jesus.

Clinging to Jesus:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

Being a missionary is hard. Actually, just being a Christian is hard. I feel like I should understand that by now. But even though I have been following the Lord for a little while, I am still surprised when struggles come along. I think, “Why, Lord? When will this end? Is it ever going to be easy?”

Today, I was in the chapel praying and having a moment with Jesus. It was one of those “Is this ever going to end?” moments. “Why is there struggle after struggle? It seems that the moment one thing ends, something else begins.” I was frustrated and starting to feel hopeless.

The past few months in Haiti have been absolutely beautiful. I have been blessed to be part of a mission where I feel like we are able to make an impact and bring something meaningful to our mission field. Watching youth ministry take place in Haiti has been one of the biggest blessings, and most beautiful times of my life. I really wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. We are living in a blessed mission field, and we all know it. We are part of something that we feel has been ordained by God, which is a huge comfort in times of difficulty.

However, at the same time, this whole mission has been incredibly hard. It is difficult to move to a new country where I can’t communicate well with the language. It is difficult to leave so many things behind – friends, family, community, comforts, electricity, warm water, reliable internet, real windows. These are things that I knew I had to sacrifice, but didn’t really think it would be hard until it was actually real in my life. There is also a huge struggle that comes with entering into a new community in a new culture. As missionaries, we’ve always been taught that vulnerability is an important thing in community. But how can you live out vulnerability, when only half the community speaks the language you are fluent in? How can we really know each other when we can only have simple, surface level conversations, simply because of vocabulary? Usually most of our prayer is in three languages: French, Haitian Creole, and English. It is even hard to pray together, when we are constantly aware that no matter what language we pray in, everyone cannot understand the whole prayer. While I know it is not true, and that love reaches outside of language barriers, it still sometimes feels that our community is crippled in our ability to truly be community.

Even our mission is hard for me. There are these incredible teenagers that come by our mission base all the time to hang out and play cards or basketball or talk or eat candy. I have come to love them so much, and it seems like the feeling is mutual. While they don’t seem to care that we can’t speak Creole fluently, it breaks my heart that I can’t yet really minister to them in the ways that I hope to. I want to know more of what they are saying so that I can tell them not to make fun of each other. I want to be able to tell them more about God and pray with them. I want to be able to evangelize in their language, but I can’t yet. My hope is that with months and months of building a relationship, they will really listen when we are able to speak with them about Jesus. I cannot wait for that day – but until then, it is painful to know that there is so much I want to say to them, I just physically can’t yet.

Lately, I have been overwhelmed by all these little struggles, and feeling a longing for familiarity. I want to know that if I share something in morning prayer, everyone in the room will be able to understand me. But I know that it is just not time for that yet, and it is time to dig in my heels and endure the struggle. I was reminded recently that nothing that is beautiful is easy, so I’m going to make sure to remember the beauty and remember the huge victories that God is winning – even if I can’t see them all the time. I was reminded when I was praying today that this is my time to CLING to Jesus. I have nothing to fear then, because everything good comes from that. Today I can be close to my Savior.

Keep praying for us!

Purgatory – What?!:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

I have always thought of praying for the souls in purgatory as just that random prayer that people sometimes tack onto the end of their meal blessings. I prayed sometimes for the souls in purgatory, more often when I knew someone who had passed away, but not very frequently.

On November 2nd, All Souls Day, we went to a monastery here that is up a mountain, about an hour away from us. When we got there, we went to pray in their adoration chapel. A few minutes later, their priest asked to talk to us about purgatory. He told us that many saints have said that one second in purgatory is more painful than all of the pain that we could ever experience on earth. He had printed out a paper for us. On the paper, there were some quotations from a soul in purgatory who had appeared to a sister or nun to warn her about purgatory. The first quotation said this: “If you could only know what I suffer! Pray for me, please. I suffer intensely everywhere. My God, how merciful you are! No one can imagine what purgatory is like. Be kind and take pity on the poor souls.” As a community we have spent a lot of time recently talking about this topic. I am now convicted of two things. One, I would really like to skip purgatory and go straight to Heaven. Two, I really need to be praying for those who are in purgatory. They can do nothing to help themselves, but we can pray for them daily to help them get out of purgatory and into Heaven.

The other quotation that really struck me that day was this: “When God wishes a soul to be entirely His, He begins by crushing it, very much as apples are crushed in the press—to extract its passions, its self-seeking, in a word, all its defects. When a soul is sufficiently broken, He reshapes it according to His will. If it is faithful, it is soon transformed. Only then does Jesus load it with His choicest graces and inundate it with His love.” – A soul in purgatory

These words helped me to understand both suffering and purgatory a little better. It seems confusing at first. God loves me and wants me to be entirely His, so He begins by breaking and crushing me? While this could be confusing, I also know that much of my life needs breaking. My stubborn pride, my own will, my sin, my laziness, the things that I put before God – all of these things need to be broken. I also know that I have experienced this happening in my life. God often takes things away, or breaks me of something, or allows me to suffer so that I can be closer to Him. Many times, the blessings of being closer to God and trusting Him more, come through trials and difficulties rather than ease and comfort. I also remember hearing someone say once that God loved his Son Jesus so much that He allowed Him to suffer and die on the cross. Suffering is a sign of God’s love for us. Why would we expect God to love us differently than He loved His Son?

This is a beautiful image of what purgatory is – a place where God allows us to suffer so that we can become closer to him, become perfect and live with Him forever in Heaven. Thank You Jesus for the grace to know your love through our suffering. Please bring many souls out of purgatory today and into their final resting place in Heaven with You.

Life Teen in Haiti:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

Our time in Haiti so far has been incredibly blessed. We live in Madian, Haiti at the John Paul II Center for the New Evangelization. We live in a community with other missionaries and a priest. Some of us are from Haiti and some from America. We have been so blessed so far to pray together in a mixture of English, Creole, and French. This has been challenging but also beautiful as we learn prayers together and attempt to read and sing in other languages.

On October 22nd, the feast of Bl. John Paul II, we had Mass with about 300 people from the surrounding community, including many school children and our beloved Bishop Dumas. Many people came at 7am to celebrate this feast with us. Later on during the day, some young girls from the school on our property (ages 9-15), came by to talk with Ti-Roro (our 71 year old congo player and dance teacher) who had told them to come by for dance lessons. Apparently, the plan is for them to learn to dance and then teach the “blan” – the white people. Since Ti-Roro wasn’t home when they arrived, we spent time with the girls singing, learning English and Creole from one another, and praying in the chapel until he came back. It was such a joyful time and so easy to minister to young people who just walked up to us and were interested in what we had to offer. In America, we would have to plan events, advertise well, and hope that teenagers could fit us into their busy schedule, somewhere between their soccer practice and homework and jobs. Here, thirty girls showed up for a dance practice and were excited to sing and pray for an hour as well.

The night before, we had a night of prayer, praise, and adoration (very similar to a Life Teen XLT). Between 50 & 100 people showed up to pray with us. Marc-Arther (a Haitian who lives here with us) led us in praise, Paul (a Life Teen missionary) gave a witness, then Fr. Louis (our priest here) talked and led us into adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. The difficult part about the night was that we saw how much the Haitian people need to be catechized and evangelized in the faith. Some spiritual things happened in our prayer time that you don’t see regularly in America. Afterwards, Fr. Louis was able to pray with a girl and her family who had been to see a voodoo doctor, and he heard her confession. God was glorified, and it convicted me as well of our need to be here in Haiti. The people here need to know that they cannot worship other gods or practice other religions. They need to know more about their faith so that they understand it and don’t leave it. Haiti is a “Catholic” country where the Catholic faith is suffering.

A priest here said to us recently, “Haiti is very much in need of the New Evangelization, because the first evangelization never took root.”

I have heard many people talk about foreign missions and say, “The poor know God better than we do.” Many people come back from foreign missions feeling that the poor have a beautiful faith and we are lacking in America. While I understand and sometimes agree with this statement, there is also something absolutely crucial that is missing. People in Haiti do have a beautiful simplicity, and an openness to being taught about the faith. Much of the prayer here is beautiful as we sing loudly together, and as the Haitians praise with their whole bodies. We do have much to learn from them. But I think it is romanticizing “the poor” to say that they always know God better than us. It puts us in a risky situation where we ignore their spiritual lives and become overly self-focused. We must acknowledge that all people have a great need to be catechized and evangelized, regardless of where they live or how much they do or do not have.

There is not yet a complete approved Catholic translation of the Bible in Creole. And even if there were, many of the Haitians don’t know how to read. These are our brothers and sisters who are in need of the Gospel. “But how can they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how can they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone to preach?” Romans 10:14

I am very thankful to be here, and for the gift of being able to serve God’s young Church here. I am so excited to see how God continues moving as we learn the language and the culture more and are able to reach out in new ways to the youth. Please continue praying for us on this journey.

What is Your One Thing?:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

Many of us have that “one thing” that we refuse to give up. We justify our sin or weakness with many excuses and feel uncomfortable when others try to poke holes in our defenses. Or maybe we want to give it up, but feel powerless to it. We all have something, or have had something like that at one point in our lives. I can think of many things in my own life.

On St. Patrick’s Day, I found myself thinking a lot about the culture that we live in. I woke up that morning, remembering how people used to get up early on March 17th when I was in college to go drink a little (or a lot) before their morning classes. My heart was heavy all day as I thought about all the people who would enter into mortal sin (yes, drunkenness is a mortal sin), some who would probably drive drunk, and many who would make bad decisions because of being intoxicated. All day, I prayed for those people. It saddens me that we live in a culture that promotes a lack of self-control, when there are so many people already suffering from an addiction to alcohol.

After experiencing the negative effects of alcohol in my own life, and in the lives of those close to me while I was in high school, I made a decision the summer before I went to college that I wouldn’t drink underage anymore. College was a difficult time to stick by that decision, but by the grace of God, I did. I wanted to glorify God even though it was difficult, and I knew that underage drinking didn’t do that. Jesus asks us to obey the laws. He says in the Gospels, “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to God what belongs to God.” Basically, we should obey the laws, unless they cause us to go against our faith and make us unable to “give to God what belongs to God.” Obviously, since the Church doesn’t teach that we MUST drink underage in order to be good Christians and since waiting to drink will not harm us, but will make us more patient and prudent and holy and obedient and willing to follow our Lord even when it is difficult, this is not an unjust law to follow – although it is unpopular in our culture.

In college, I was also younger than everyone else in my grade, which meant that everyone turned twenty-one before me. I went through three and a half years of college under the age of twenty-one, without having an alcoholic drink. It can be done! The unfortunate part was that all of my best friends and a good portion of my other friends turned twenty-one about a year before I did. While I never went to any crazy college parties, I often found myself in situations with friends where they were drinking and I wasn’t. I also know there were events and get-togethers in college that my friends didn’t invite me to because they knew I wouldn’t drink.

Then and now, I take comfort in knowing that we are called to be different. We are called to be set apart. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform yourselves to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

I wouldn’t ever for an instant change my college experience, even and especially on the nights where my friends drank without me, or when I refused a drink that was offered to me. It taught me so much about patience, self-control, real joy, and following Jesus instead of the world.

I also ran into a lot of otherwise good, Catholic people who didn’t agree with my decision. I heard a lot of people otherwise striving for holiness who wanted to justify this one thing in their lives. I heard many excuses. “I’m not hurting anybody.” or “It’s an unjust law, so it’s okay for me to break it.” or “Wouldn’t you rather I drink safely with friends, than crazily at a party?” As I met a lot of opposition, I came to be even more firmly grounded in my beliefs.

While I know that one beer does not mean that someone is going to become an alcoholic and ruin their life, I know that that happens to enough people in our culture that I want to stand up and be able to say that alcohol does not have to “rule” us.

To people who drink underage and are otherwise trying to be holy, I would say: Stop. Because if you can’t stop, then you might have a problem. And if you just won’t because you don’t want to, then you might want to re-evaluate if you are trying to follow God, follow the world, or follow your own compulsions.

It reminds me of the rich young man in Luke 18. Jesus says to him, “There is still one thing left for you.” When confronted with that “one thing” in our lives, I hope that none of us walk away sad like he did, but that we turn towards God for His mercy and His grace, for help with that sin or attachment. As the rich young man questions how anyone can be saved when there are such high expectations, Jesus reminds us, “What is impossible for human beings is possible for God.”

So let us not be discouraged, rebellious, or stubborn as we face the things in our lives that we hold onto when God asks us to give them up, whether that is alcohol, or something else entirely. Let us grasp onto our faith, and remember that our God was persecuted because He was different, and we are called to be like Him. Let us also not feel powerless against these things, but be encouraged, knowing that, “The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). Christ is in you. He is bigger than your sin, bigger than your temptations. Let Him be the one to conquer them, and trust that He will if you ask Him.

Coffee Stains:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

One morning last week, I spilled coffee on my skirt. This is a typical thing for me. I am often clumsy – so much so that someone has actually asked me to pray for them every time I spill my drinks. This particular day however, I didn’t notice the stain until after I had already left the house, so I spent the entire day in a skirt stained with coffee – front and center. Embarrassing. I noticed that as I went through the day I kept telling everyone about my coffee stain, thinking, “If I just tell them that it’s there, then they won’t be able to think or say anything about it that I haven’t already said myself.” Most people’s response was, “Oh, I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t said anything.” Those little moments throughout the day taught me something very important about myself.

For a while I have felt bogged down by fear, anxiety, worries, and negative criticisms of myself. I have realized many times in my life that I sometimes hold on to these things because I feel that they keep me safe. Somewhere in my mind, I think that if I worry enough, I will be able to figure out all the possible things that will go wrong and avoid them. I also (usually subconsciously) think that if I can criticize myself enough (in my thoughts or speech), then I won’t be hurt or surprised when other people criticize me because I will have prepared myself for it – like when I spilled coffee on myself, for example.

Lately I have been realizing just how horrible that thought process is. Even when my criticisms stay in my own thoughts, they are hurting me and affecting my relationships with others. Maybe they are hurting me even more then because I feel stuck in them, and don’t bring them to the light. Logically, it sounds crazy to me that I would criticize the gifts, the beauty, and the goodness that God has created in me. It’s even crazier that my reason is because I’m afraid that if I don’t criticize myself, then I will be caught off-guard by someone else’s criticism. So not only am I criticizing myself, but that criticism is coming out of fear. And I should know by now that fear is not from God (read 1 John 4:18).

I know that God has been calling me deeper into freedom from these things. Often the problem is that I have to be willing to let them go. Am I willing to let go of the “safety” that I feel by worrying? I’m a willing to stop tearing myself down and risk that someone else might hurt me instead?

The truth is that the better defense is to let go of my fears and let go of my criticisms and allow God to speak His truth into my life about the gifts, the beauty, and the goodness that He has created in me. Because then when someone does criticize me, I will KNOW the truth of God’s love. I will know who I am in Him. I will know how to distinguish between what is truly something I need to grow in, and what is just someone else’s opinion.

The bottom line is that I want and desire to be firmly rooted in God’s truth. I desire freedom. I want it. God wants it for me. And I have to trust that He will take me there as I enter into this journey with Him.

Dear Jesus, Today I will be Imperfect for You:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

I was running today – huffing and puffing up and down hills, past people and their dogs, with a dry mouth, looking awkward and wishing that I still lived in Florida where I could run on flat ground. I don’t run because I’m great at it. It takes me about eleven minutes to run a mile. I mostly run because I love it. I love the feeling of having accomplished something. I love the feeling of running downhill after I just spent ages struggling uphill. I love the days when my body feels great, and I feel like I’m flying a little bit. I love watching the colors of the leaves right now. And I love that I have seen both a deer and an owl in the past few weeks. Seriously!

I often get stuck in life because I want so badly to do things perfectly. That desire often paralyzes me, instead of bringing me to the life of freedom that I know Christ wants for me. Usually my desires just stop at being desires because I’m afraid of trying and messing things up. I’ve been thinking about this all week because of the gospel for this Sunday. I imagine myself as that servant with the one talent – of course I would keep it and bury it in the ground! I only have one! But I know that God is calling me to live courageously in spite of my fear.

It really hit me today when I was running that there really is another way to live my life. And in some ways, I am already doing it. Somehow I have managed to put aside my desire to be perfect, and my concern about other people’s opinions enough to run slowly and badly in public places. So what if I did everything in life just because I love it? Already, I am a missionary not because I feel like I have to be or because I’m a great missionary, but because I love that my life revolves around trying to love as Christ has loved me. I am working with teenagers because I love seeing the way they pray and live with passion, and I get excited about the ways they will and are already changing the world. I sing during praise and worship because I love Jesus and I want to praise him, not because my voice sounds any good.

This is the kind of freedom that I want to live in every day. I want to sing and run and play and pray and be a missionary and love and work hard, even if I do it badly. And I really think that this is what Jesus wants for me too. We have been made for freedom. “For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.” Galations 5:1

Mission is Small:

Posted on by Sara Vasile

Lately, I have had the desire to run all over the world on mission and bring Jesus to people who may have never heard His name. In my imagination, lots of people would be converted, I would be a saint, and the Church would be renewed. Huge, glorious, wonderful things would happen, then we would all go to Heaven and have an eternal dance party and eat lots of candy, cookies, and cake. Can you picture it?!

In my head, mission quickly becomes this big, extravagant thing. I realized recently that part of this desire comes from the pride of thinking that I can do things better than God. I get impatient with His often slow movements. I start to think that if I take over and do things my way, I will be able to convert the whole world much quicker than if I let God keep working on His plans in my life. I thought I was smart enough to know by now that my plans are not better than God’s – He is much, much bigger than me!

I also feel like God has been reminding me over and over again lately that mission happens in very, very small actions (like calling people back, which I am bad at). Mission happens when I spend time with a friend, when I talk with a teenager, when I reply to a facebook message, and when I call my mom. Mission is about loving – in very, very small ways which are often much less glamorous and exciting than the big ideas and desires that I have in my mind.

So I am praying for the grace to be small, to love radically in the little things, and to not get caught up in big, extravagant desires that really have more to do with me than they do with the Lord.

Please pray for me as He humbles me, purifies my heart, and melts some of my stubbornness!