Dating/My Relationships

The Most Important Lesson I Ever Learned About Dating

Guys and girls are some of the worlds biggest mysteries… well, to each other anyway. This can make dating pretty complicated. As a guy, I rarely know what the girls in my life are thinking. Classmate, co-worker, sister, friend, girlfriend, mom… it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes I think I understand Calculus better than I understand girls. And umm… I got a D in Calculus.

It’s no surprise, then, that I often sought out advice about dating from men in my life that I looked up to. There was one piece of advice that was always there but that I didn’t always follow. Looking back, this little tip has helped me so much.

“If you’re going to date someone, try and be friends with them first.”

Now, I’m not saying this is the only way to have a successful relationship. However, in my life, it’s proved to be pretty on point.

What’s the Point?

Relationships require hard work. For example, no one’s perfect and mistakes happen. You’re going to need to forgive and ask for forgiveness. It’s also important to view the other person as their own person, and as a child of God, not just someone who is there to make you happy and fulfill your needs. Typically, these kinds of skills have already developed with people you call friends. It’ll make moving into ‘relationship’ status that much smoother.

Another thing to remember is that the ‘high’ you feel around someone when you first begin dating can sometimes wear off. It doesn’t mean that you’re not always going to like them, it’s just a natural part of life. The first few dates are really big and exciting, but what about two months in, when you’re sitting together on the bleachers after all of your friends leave and you realize you’ve got nothing to talk about? You’re thinking, “Whoa, do I really even like this person?”

This is pretty easily avoided by dating someone who you already know you have chemistry with. It’s pretty awesome to be dating someone who you love to be around. If you need to be holding someone’s hand to enjoy being around them, the friendship might not be genuine. Make sure it’s real before you take the next step.

A Little Too Late.

Unfortunately, the order of this handy piece of advice is pretty important. It’s pretty dang difficult to become friends with someone after you start dating. It’s definitely possible, but I think it’s easier to go the other way around.

If you see them as their own person, it’ll help you remember not to be too controlling. If you’ve already practiced forgiving and asking forgiveness, then you already understand that the other person is in fact a human. This will help keep mistakes in perspective and prevent over-reacting. Finally, if you love to be around the person as a friend, the relationship will likely be awesome because it’s getting to go deeper with someone you really like and care about.

If you’re not sure if you like being with that person as a friend, then the perks of being in a relationship (romance, intimacy, always having someone text you in the morning, and the ‘status’ of being in a relationship) might become what you lean on rather than allowing those things to be the icing on an already great cake.

Honest Moment.

I’m currently dating a girl who is my best friend. And I’m really dang happy.

We were great friends for a while before we started dating. We could spend hours together just talking and laughing with our friends or by ourselves. We got to know each other and learn about each other lives. We respected each other. We went through so much together as friends that it seems like we’re ready to tackle anything as a couple. I give this advice to you from my own experiences.

“If you’re going to date someone, try and be friends with them first.”

About the Author

Dom Quaglia

I hang out with my wife, speak to people about Jesus, and am surrounded by people holier and more talented than me. If you're reading this, I'm sitting in Atlanta traffic, either on the way to the airport or a Thai restaurant. I serve as Director of XLT Atlanta. I'd love to hear from you! Twitter @DomQuags - FB: Dom Quaglia - web:

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