Holidays/My Culture HOT Halloween Costumes: Guaranteed to Keep You Warm by Rachel Leininger I LOVE Halloween. I always have, I always will. Part of it must be the chance to flex my creative muscles; part of it must be my competitive nature and how I’m always trying to beat my previous best efforts. I’m sort of struggling with what to be this year, since the last several years have featured some of my best work. There was the time I was so basic that I “couldn’t even.” And, of course, when I covered my hair in baby powder to play the Queen Mum alongside my very own Kate Middleton – Last year, I’d say that me and my Brawny man cleaned up pretty well. While most of us will take this festive opportunity to get creative (and eat our weight in candy), sadly, there are a lot of people in this world who think of this holiday as a chance to simply parade around in the smallest amount of clothing possible without getting arrested. In our culture, the object is often to ‘look hot’ on Halloween – which is pretty ironic, since a lingerie-plus-bunny/cat/mouse ears combination usually leaves a girl freezing. No corner of culture is safe from the ‘we can make anything sexy to make a few bucks’ costume shops of our world. I’d like to debate a few rounds with whoever thought that THIS was a good idea… St. John Paul II said that the problem with pornography (and I’m going to add, immodesty) is “not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” Baring that much skin reduces human beings to body parts, making it almost impossible for the rest of us to recognize their dignity. Modesty is a seemingly endless topic of conversation (the girls in my youth group can tell you – they think my middle name is ‘Leggings-Are-Not-Pants’), but that’s only because it’s such an important topic. We could go round and round on the subject until we’re blue in the face, but let’s just admit it: our culture thinks that less is more, and that’s ridiculous. More is more. Obviously. Halloween costumes are always best when they’re scary, or funny, or clever. This holiday was not created so we could walk around in our underwear (although I suppose exceptions can be made if you’re going as Superman. Or Quailman. But those guys wear their underwear over their clothes, so that’s different). Don’t worry, this isn’t a lecture – I don’t want to go on a rant about immodesty and then leave you hanging. If you’re looking to go as something awesome (and modest) this Halloween, here are a few ideas to get you started: The Classics Don’t underestimate the value of a white bedsheet with some eyeholes cut out. Or a witch, a mummy, a monster, a werewolf, etc. Zombies are always in style, and will continue to be as long as The Walking Dead is on air. It’s also hard to go wrong with superheroes and Disney Princesses. They’re called classics for a reason. Just maybe skip the clowns this year… *shudder* The Culturally Relevant People are loving Stranger Things – and if that includes you, you’ve got options. I’m pretty sure I have the makings of any of these outfits in my closet already: Or, you could always hang some Christmas lights across a piece of cardboard. Add the alphabet, and bam: you’re the wall. Pokemon Go wouldn’t be hard, either. You could dress up as one of the Pokemon, or as your best interpretation of Valor or Mystic, or shoot – just walk around staring at your phone all night. Got an office chair with wheels that spins? Perfect. Deck it out with electrical tape, cushions, and lights, and it probably would become a pretty convincing judge’s chair from The Voice. Make sure to leave the makeup at home if you’re going as Alicia! Honestly, I can’t think of anything scarier than an Electoral Map… Should be easy enough to draw on a t-shirt. We live in a ridiculous world – there are endless options for mocking it while keeping your clothes on. The Cutest Couples If you’re spending Halloween with that special someone (a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or maybe just a BFFFF), here are some ideas that come in twos: I don’t know about you, but I can’t get enough Fixer Upper. And it wouldn’t be too hard to become Chip and Joanna Gaines – just carry around a hammer and constantly mention ‘demo day’ and ‘shiplap.’ How about peanut butter and jelly? Or chips and queso? Ketchup and mustard? Bacon and eggs? I could go on and on… Any Hamilton fans? Presenting Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr: Talk less, smile more. And, after eight years in the White House, the Obamas will soon be heading for vacation – pack your bags and board Air Force One (tbh, I have no idea how to pull that part off). The Inanimate Objects True story: some of my favorite Halloween costumes of all time involve people dressing up like objects. You don’t even have to be a Pintrest master to pull some of these off: Redbox machine – and you thought that would be complicated? Got a clear trash bag and some balloons? Pretty easy to become a bag of jelly beans: (Just hope you don’t have to sit down anywhere… ) You could also go as my old phone. Buy or make yourself an app t-shirt, then glue pieces of rice to yourself and tell everyone about your tragic day at the pool. Or turn yourself into a Lost and Found – just get a cardboard box big enough to wear, strap on some suspenders, and throw in one shoe, a friend’s hoodie, a notebook, etc. You could even collect extra props at your party. …and if all else fails, just borrow all of your best friend’s clothes and come as him. Just remember: Modest is hottest… literally. Happy Halloween, kids.