Q: I am a junior in high school and I have never been asked to the Homecoming Dance. How can I help from feeling hopeless when I see my friends getting asked to different dances?

A: Have hope. I speak these words after having experienced extremely awkward, depressing, and yes – what seemed like hopeless – dance situations in high school.

Take for example my sophomore year Homecoming dance experience. I was at my locker in between classes when a very nerdy boy with braces, who I’d never really talked to before, came up to me and asked me to the homecoming dance. Not wanting to say yes, but not having the heart to say no, I panicked and said yes. I then kept my head low as I walked to class contemplating my own high school status. Was I that much of a “nerd” myself, that having this type of guy – who I had zero positive feelings for – would be the only type of guy ever attracted to me?

I thought I couldn’t feel any worse about myself than I did that day. But then the next day came, and as I stood by my locker, my homecoming date approached me again and told me he had to take back his dance invitation! “What?!” I thought, “how am I being dumped, by a nerd, just a day after I’ve been asked out? I must really be a loser.” He went on to explain that his (equally nerdy, in my immature, judgmental opinion) best friend had told him he was going to ask me to the dance – and he went behind his back and asked me out first instead. So he told me he no longer was going to take me to the dance, but that his friend probably would ask me to go. “Okay,” was all I could say.

So that evening his friend called and asked me to the dance, and apologized for his friend, which just made his invitation all the more awkward. But alas, I did end up going to the dance with him.

Honestly, I can’t remember anything else about the evening.

It turns out that what everyone talked up to be a big deal for weeks or months in advance, was just a couple of hours that everyone soon forgot. When I recently went through my pictures from high school, I realized that there was nothing left from old dances. Those pictures had been thrown away long ago, as no one really cares who you went to a dance with when you were 15.

The truth is, the only “dance” picture I have saved is the first dance picture of my husband and I from our wedding day. It is that dance that holds a special place in my heart, even though we completely messed up the dance routine we had practiced. That first dance at our reception celebrated the fact that God had united me with the man who exceeded my wildest expectations. The man I danced with at our reception swept me off my feet and continues to honor and protect the ground I walk on.

When I was in high school, feeling all the pressures of getting good grades and social status, I had no idea what joys and blessings awaited me. I couldn’t yet comprehend what it would be like to meet my future husband (and it was a good thing I hadn’t met him yet – because I know now that he once brought a high school date to the dance riding in a dump truck… but that’s a story for another time). I hadn’t yet learned to take to heart Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

So take it from me, but more importantly, take it from God. Have hope. Trust in the plans He has for you. Know that you are wonderfully formed and created, and that your worth is determined by His unwavering love, not by the boy(s) who may or may not be asking you to a dance that you will soon forget.

Do you have a question about dating and relationships you’d like to ask Brian and Courtney Kissinger? Email them at Itscomplicated@lifeteen.com and your question could be the next blog post!

About the Author

Courtney Kissinger

I graduated from law school and then decided to become an elementary school teacher. I’m married to an arguably attractive youth minister, Brian, and we have the cutest daughter and son. I hate cheese. That includes cheese on pizza, Nacho Cheese Doritos, cottage cheese, and cream cheese. I will eat cheesecake if it’s covered with chocolate.

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