Finding God in the Midst of Change

Seven months ago, I needed to leave home to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. Not only did I leave the place I grew up loving, but I also left the people that felt like home to me. It was heart wrenching knowing that I won’t be seeing them for a while, yet it had to be done, not only for my dreams, but also for my new mission that awaits me on the other side.

But as much as I trusted the Lord, it was inevitable for me to doubt and question His plans for me. In the first few weeks of settling down in a completely new environment, encountering new people, and adjusting with the new life I’ll be having in the next few years; my trust in Him was gradually crumbling into pieces. I’ve always been used to our family being together, but now my dad is a thousand miles away from me. I’ve always been used to being surrounded by my youth group friends, yet now I’m surrounded with different individuals along with their different perspective of faith. I used to feel safe walking down the streets at 10PM, but even in daylight here, I feel threatened.

I used to think that my faith will remain strong as a rock, but whenever I am in battle with evil, I let my faith easily surrender. My heart felt so heavy, so feeble, and so hopeless. I felt so lost and far away from Him, as if I was stuck inside this dark tunnel trying to find the light at the end that felt so close yet so far away.

As days passed by, living became difficult, and my heart was being constantly filled with doubts and worries. I thought this was the end of my journey with God. I thought this was the end of the once profound love I had for Him, until this one night, the Lord spoke to me.

While I was preparing the things I needed for my class the next day, a paper fell down on the floor. I bent down to pick it up and flipped it over. I recognized it was a poster from a youth camp I participated in and as I read what the poster contained, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. It revealed a beautiful verse and reminder from God. It said:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

A feeling of relief washed over me when I realized that my lack of trust and faith in His plans were what led me a sort of spiritual destruction. I’d been so used to living inside my comfort zone that I single-handedly allowed it to engulf me, and allowed it to prevent me from seeing the true beauty behind the Lord’s plans.

I know there will be times when we don’t understand what the Lord is planning with our lives; sometimes His plans are way too hard to comprehend, but it does leave us in awe once we know the reason why He did what He did. We should allow God to surprise us, and for that to happen, we should learn to in trust to our Creator the plans He has for us.

Fast forward to now, I can happily say that I’m starting to fall in love with the new chapter that God has opened up for me. The past 7 months has been so overwhelming; everything that’s happened to me has shaped me into the daughter that God wants me to be. I’ve survived the first semester of my first year, and I am starting my second semester! I have a loving family that endlessly supports me, I found great friends that are quirky and awkward as I am, and most importantly, I have an incredible God guiding and loving me like only He can.

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