Boundaries/Communication/Dating/My Relationships

5 Ugly Truths That Lead to Dangerous Dating

There are five specific dangerous diseases that have taken hold of our generation’s structure of the common dating relationship, abusively remodeling it’s makeup, just as I violently shake and squeeze the Hershey’s bottle when it’s down to the last drops because someone abused the basic human right of chocolate syrup.

I have experienced each of these dating dangers to some extent… and I fear you have as well.

Let me explain each one (prepare yourself for the flashbacks) but do not fret because there is conviction, healing, and perseverance in the Lord.

1. Danger of Disconnection

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Making a phone call is considered a hassle. You know, back in the day (like roughly 6 years ago) guys and girls still had to have this weird interaction called “hanging out.” They actually talked face-to-face with each other and couldn’t hide behind a computer screen or a phone when sending that risky message.

Let’s be honest: most relationships today focus on communication via text, which is the most disconnected and impersonal form of contact. And don’t say Snapchat is any better because your face is in it… (Girls, I know just how many times you redo the same snap to make sure the angle is just perfect, while the boys snap a picture of their lamp or floor with a text caption slapped on there.)

Chatting over technology resulted in the death of making plans. RIP to the authentic social life. Sadly if you are not top priority to the other, your invitation to spend time will be given the classic: “I’ll let you know.” This is because the decision making is left up to the person who first wants to see what other offers are on the table that could be more fun or interesting than hanging out with you. This only leaves you to tweet about your emotions instead of communicating with that person. #Subtweet #Geeesh #Thanks

2. Danger of the Unknown Savior

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Whomever you are “talking to” or “dating” is not your savior. You know the kind… You may complain that your friends have this type of relationship, but then you get caught up in this tangled mess when you “talk to” or “date” someone. Emotional chastity is key when asking for the guidance between you and another person. God will provide. And when you feel He has placed a person in your life that you see yourself entering into a relationship with — there is NO reason to remove God from His pedestal in your life, to be replaced by just some guy or girl. You don’t need your boyfriend or girlfriend to save, rescue, or fix you.

3. Danger of the “Who Cares More” Game

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Do you ever wonder if you’re caring too much? Well, stop wondering. If you genuinely care, I’m proud of you! Nowadays, the person in the relationship who cares less is automatically the one controlling the relationship, having ultimate power.

Have you experienced this dilemma? To care for the other person is seen as thirsty, and nobody wants that awful connotation going hand-in-hand with their name. Making this game out of another’s psychological well-being by showing how careless one person can be to the other — like that annoying “Let Me Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back” game. And trust me, there’s no such thing as the text not delivering, it was received. We need to be honest with each other. Mutual love and respect for your brother or sister in Christ is vital to any relationship — friends or couples.

4. Danger of the Open Market Relationship

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Nobody wants to be in an open relationship, right? “Wait— an open relationship is that weird thing where there’s like no commitment and it’s like super rare, right?” Well, if you’re not, you know, together-together, then you are in an open relationship. *Que the wailing and gnashing of teeth.* There is nothing binding either person to keeping the situation exclusive. There’s no commitment, so if they do something with another girl or guy then there’s no actual form of cheating occurring. #Yikes! Youth (and young adults) today are terrified of commitment and being “official” to the point that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t.

It’s crucial to remember: “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together-together. If #OpenMarriage doesn’t sound good to you — don’t waste your time in an #OpenRelationship.

5. Danger of Social Media and the Goodbye of Courage

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Social media has dropped kicked our generation to the curb. We are somehow still sitting there “liking” pictures and tweets, and “snapchatting” each other as we mope, instead of figuring out how to get some courage to stand back up and treat others in an authentic manner. Social media has the potential to leave you in a state where you aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. This leads people to be scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too concerned, too nerdy, too kind, too innocent, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

1) Guys:
There is a reason why you find yourself unable to work-up the courage to tell a girl she looks beautiful one day, but it takes no willpower to “like” that status on Facebook or picture on Instagram. You can’t seem to shake the nerves when you feel convicted (or genuinely want to) share your inner thoughts with a girl (from one you just met to one you’ve known forever) because it requires a statement that has something behind it — you know, your heart. That something is actually a gift. It’s you finally seeing this girl as a gift and the love surrounding it. You never know where one comment could lead you: a genuine friend who helps you carry the toughest cross or the one you stand with at the altar 10 years from now. But us girls already know that the “what will come of this” is totally scary; take a chance on us. Your challenge: be courageous, be yourself.

2) Ladies
Let’s just point out the elephant in the room — it’s awkward, our side in this type of relationship with a guy is so awkward. Most of us can relate to the girl who feels that dating has just changed and we must accept this reality; therefore, we don’t hold these guys to a higher standard. This is such an awful mind-set, and yes, even I too have fallen into that trap before.

But let me tell you something: YOU are the daughter of a King who is not to be used for pleasure. YOU are to be treated as Christ treats you. YOU are to be respectfully pursued, not guilted into giving away “husband-rights” to the guy you barely know or even the one you’ve been dating forever. Stay strong. Lean on a friend who can hold you accountable. Give it to God, and know that He has a “he” out there waiting for you that He created for you. Your challenge: you’re good enough, do not fear.

God knows your heart… you can’t hide from Him. Talk to Him.
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Our generation doesn’t need to settle for these types of heartbreak, especially before the relationship has even begun. For some experience the pain from feeling used and kicked to the curb even just from “talking” to another person, while others fear being together-together because of it being considered old-fashioned.

This is not the way God calls us to live.

“My dear young friends, I want to invite you to “dare to love.” Do not desire anything less for your life than a love that is strong and beautiful and that is capable of making the whole of your existence a joyful undertaking of giving yourselves as a gift to God and your brothers and sisters, in imitation of the One who vanquished hatred and death for ever through love.” — Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

He calls us to love, truly love one another for who they are… to see each other as a gift… see the beauty of God within each guy or girl that crosses your path. To actually do that requires being faithful in prayer, devotion and reading God’s Word (His love-letters to us).

How we act in our relationships now in our youth WILL send either healthy or deadly ripple effects to our future-self. We are to help each other strive for holiness and holiness is what we will strive for! If we work toward that goal, your relationship has a much better chance of avoiding these five dangerous pitfalls.

And then one day I hope you and I can have this… #RelationshipGoals
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About the Author

Katie Trudeau

I attend Ave Maria University in Florida. Yes, I go to school in the sunshine state, but it's also very rainy - so I'd like a refund. I love to travel and experience new cultures. Learning new things is my favorite fun, also I'm a news junkie. Vermont cows are my favorite within the animal kingdom. My life will forever be described in #hashtags. I broke the chains of ordinary life awhile ago. I don’t like being different, I LOVE IT. Follow me on Twitter @trudeau_katie

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