If I told you that all girls desired a guy who has fame like Robert Pattinson, fortune like 50 Cent, skills like LeBron, chops like Mayer, hair like Bieber, and abs like the Situation, 99.9% of you would throw your hands up in despair and slink into sloth-dom, playing Angry Birds for the rest of your teenage life.
Thankfully, you can breathe a sigh of relief and know that the most complex creature in all of creation—WOMAN—is pretty simple when it comes to what she wants in a guy. While movies, TV, and music might give you loads of seemingly unattainable qualities to pursue, all she really wants is LOVE. So here are a few misconceptions that your understanding, compassionate, big sister in Christ can clear up about this whole dilemma.
- MYTH: Girls only like “Jerks” or “Bad Boys”
- MYTH: Girls only want guys who have rock hard abs and look like movie stars
- MYTH: Girls only want guys who have lots of money
- MYTH: Girls want a guy who is an experienced “Ladies’ Man”
MYTH: Girls only like “Jerks” or “Bad Boys”
FACT: Girls don’t want a guy who dismisses them, treats them like dirt, or practically verbally abuses them.
Girls also don’t want a “nice” guy who is boring, numb, or lazy. Girls want a guy who is passionate—a guy who will fight for what he believes in, a guy who will pursue her heart, and a guy who will lay down his life for love. The most desired man in all of history was, is, and will be Jesus Christ—not a “nice” guy, but a man who overturned the money changers’ tables in the temple area to defend its sacredness, a man who proposed to leave 99 self-righteous in order to pursue one repentant heart, and a man who courageously endured scourging, beating, mocking and death to lay His life down for ours out of love, which we appropriately call the “Passion.”
Unfortunately, you might know girls who do settle and stay with the “bad boys.” If these girls don’t know their own beauty and dignity/worth, or don’t know the love of Christ, they will unfortunately take whatever they can out of fear of not being loved by anyone else. Pray for your sisters in Christ, and be the brother in Christ who shows them God’s compassion, patience, and mercy.
MYTH: Girls only want guys who have rock hard abs and look like movie stars
FACT: Attractiveness is more than outer appearance.
Unless a girl is seriously vain and has the “Shallow Hal” syndrome (a kind of girl you wouldn’t want to date anyway), girls want a guy who treats them with respect and love. It takes a lot to be attractive:
- Holiness is attractive.
- Humor is attractive.
- Humility is attractive.
- Bad language is definitely NOT attractive.
- Acting like a jerk is NOT attractive.
- Getting drunk is NOT attractive.
- Bragging about anything is NOT attractive.
In high school I dated the quarterback of the football team, a male model, and a TV actor. But the guy I loved most was a chubby, height-challenged, Irish-Japanese Christian. Why? We were best friends, he loved me for me, and he led me closer to Christ. We prayed together, laughed together, played sports together, and learned how to be holy together. While many guys in high school treated me like an object, this guy loved who I was in my weaknesses and my strengths, my beauty and my ugliness, with make-up and without, inside and out. Without a doubt, he was the most attractive guy I knew.
MYTH: Girls only want guys who have lots of money
FACT: Money does not equal “love.”
There’s a reason why the songs “Can’t Buy Me Love” and “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing” became popular. Some of the best gifts a girl can receive are free—words of affirmation (telling her she’s “beautiful” or “smart” or “funny,” or writing her a kind letter/email/text), quality time (talking over coffee, volunteering together at a soup kitchen, praying a rosary together), or acts of service (opening the door, taking her plate, letting her go first to communion). Even gift giving can be creative and cheap! Make her a mixed CD of some of her favorite or your favorite songs, surprise her with her favorite coffee drink, or give her a medal of her favorite saint. These are all actual things that I have received and completely enjoyed and treasured. Girls just want to know they are appreciated, and it doesn’t take a ton of Benjamins for that!
MYTH: Girls want a guy who is an experienced “Ladies’ Man”
FACT: The opposite is actually true. Girls don’t want to feel like a number. Girls don’t want to feel like an object.
Rihanna sings, “Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world,” because that’s a bit of truth in the heart of a woman. Girls want to feel special. What does that mean? Well, the Taylor Swift’s mega-song reveals quite a bit to us:
“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby, just say yes.”
Girls want to be pursued by a guy who is a gentleman, who will respect their dignity (in their body and soul), who won’t pressure them sexually, and who will treat them like royalty (which we all are in the eyes of God as adopted sons and daughters of the King of Kings). And remember, you will meet your future wife some day, and she’ll want to know about your past. Do you think she’ll be impressed that you hooked up with tons of girls?
FACT: I care about you.
I will be praying for you, my brothers, as you continue to become the man God is calling you to be: a man who loves, prays, and lives passionately. We need more men in the world to display the love of Christ and lead others to Him. Also, ask your big brothers to pray for you and help you on this journey: St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. Augustine, St. Wulfstan, St. Francis of Assisi, St. John of the Cross, St. Maximilian Kolbe, St. Pio of Pietrelcina, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, almost Blessed (Pope) John Paul II, etc. These men and many others have lived in this world, while living lives of faith, holiness, courage, sacrifice, prayer, and love.