Christina Mead

Treat Yo’ Self: Radical Self-Love This Valentine’s Day

I think Valentine’s Day was totally made up by girls as a way to get more chocolate. I actually think all problems in the world are caused by a lack of chocolate and could be solved by an increase in chocolate. So boom, Valentine’s Day was invented — chocolate candies, chocolate hearts, and if I man is really intuitive, an engagement right buried in chocolate.

But wait, you’re single. I’m single. And so is everyone except all my Facebook friends.

Come on daddy-dearest-God, all I ever wanted was a man with the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch, and the looks of the dude who lives across the street from me, and the money of Brad Pitt, and the heart of Jesus… Is that so hard to ask? (JK, JK, I’m way more realistic with my expectations.)

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So option numero uno for today is to soothe yourself by lying around in your PINK yoga pants watching Netflix and eating pasta because carbs are your comforting frenemy. They beckon to you the moment you begin to feel sullen because every time you log in to Facebook someone else has started a relationship, marriage, or has announced they’re bringing more little people into the world.

Option number two for all the members of the single-girls-club is way better than chilling out in the depths of self-hate, self-pity, and despair that comes along with constantly pining after a relationship…

I’ve got news for you Little Missy. And all of you who aren’t named Missy too. You will never be able to accept the love of a man if you don’t love yourself first.

It may feel like it today… but being in a relationship is not the epitome of “all things happy.” A relationship doesn’t fix your problems.

You’re feeling sorry for yourself? That’s a problem. You feel like Valentine’s Day is a threat to you as a single person? That’s a problem. You’re going to let YOUR day be ruined by a simple holiday that helps bring couples closer together and remind each other of their love? That’s a problem.

Getting annoyed by Valentine’s Day is like getting annoyed that someone else gets presents and cake and candles on their own birthday.

So this holiday doesn’t apply to you yet? SO. WHAT. It’s a day to celebrate love – in all it’s forms!

Dating someone is not the magic potion that will cure your low self-worth. It won’t fix your problems. It will actually create more problems for you. Where do we go to eat? Who pays for all these dates? Why do we love to eat dates so much? Who’s family do we spend the 4th of July with? How can you love me with all my faults? Why do you love me when I am so ugly and uncool and pathetic and such a loser-face?

I watched this episode of Parks and Recreation recently at the urgent bidding of my roommate. It was about how two of the characters dedicate one day a year to be “treat yo self” day. They go to the mall, the nail salon, anywhere they want and they spend the day treating themselves to all the things that they normally wouldn’t buy, but always wanted to buy.

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The idea is that you deserve to not only take proper care of yourself, but to treat yourself sometimes. You deserve it because it helps ingrain the fact of your worth into your heart and mind. And then when you’re the 3rd wheel for the 73rd time it’s not the end of the world because you know it’s not a reflection on you or how deserving you are of love.

If you’re waiting on a man’s affirmation to bolster your self-love, you’re going to be waiting a long time. You should never start a relationship built on your unhealthy need for affection and affirmation – those things should be a gift, not a necessity for your happiness.

You don’t really love yourself if a man has to say it for you to believe it. If you’re going to love someone else, where do you think that love is going to come from? It comes from inside your heart and you’re responsible for filling your heart with love. How? With the person who is Love – the God who created you.

My treat-yo self guide to Valentine’s Day:

  1. Write yourself a letter, tell yourself what your best qualities are and why you’re awesome.
  2. Write your future husband a letter… but keep it positive. Don’t complain about how you wish he was with you already; write instead about how happy you are to figure out God’s plan for you two.
  3. Call a good friend and thank them for all they’ve added to your life.
  4. Go out and buy yourself something small that you don’t necessarily need – like new nail polish, a fancy cupcake, or a new scarf.

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  5. Listen to “Beloved” by Tenth Avenue North. And then listen to it again.
  6. Watch a movie that is an example of real love and think about how you can learn to love better.
  7. Treat yo self to an extra dose of God’s love today. Spend some alone time with Him and allow Him to fill up your heart.

A “treat yo self” attitude today means that you can be cool with Valentine’s Day because it’s a day to celebrate love, starting with how much God loves you, and how you love who God made you to be… in all your awesome glory.

And because I believe that God can cure the sick and heal the blind man, He can heal all the men who have been blind to your awesomeness. If that’s Benedict Cumberbatch, so be it. Props to you, girlfriend.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m praying for you.

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Christina Mead

About the Author

I'm just trying to figure out how to be holy so I can get to heaven, where I want to be the patron saint of lifeguards. My perfect day includes a nap, my gold shoes, a game of scrabble, gluten free brownies, absolutely no surprises, and a great phone conversation. If you want, you can email me at [email protected], or follow me on Twitter at LT_Christina.