At a conference for High School journalists, Dan Savage gave a talk that was supposed to be about anti-bullying. Instead it was anti-Christian. As he began to talk about the “bullish*t” of what can be found in the Bible, many Christian students stood up and walked out on him – a move he later called “pansy-assed.” Here’s the video. It’s about three minutes, but be forewarned there is some swearing going on in it (not suitable if kids are nearby).

The video has gone viral since being posted three days ago, the vast majority of people giving it a “like.” The comments below the video are horrifically anti-gay and only go to further the disgusting stereotype that Savage is bashing in his speech.

My first reaction to this video was shock. I couldn’t believe that someone could speak like that in such a public forum. If a speaker in a similar forum talked about how Jesus died for all of our sins he or she would have been rushed off the stage. But I quickly got over that. St. Peter wrote, “Don’t be surprised that a trial is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you.” (1 Peter 4:12) Christians should expect to be persecuted.

I Feel Bad For Dan Savage . . .

My next reaction was sympathy. There was a part of me that felt bad for him. Here is a man who has been abused by people claiming to be Christian. He references being insulted and physically beat up while others have died over this. And for him the source of blame is the Bible.

He suggests that we should overlook the prohibitions in the Bible regarding same sex activity just as we overlook things like stoning women who are adulterers. I teach a course on Scripture at Franciscan University of Steubenville and I’ll be honest: it’s hard to read things like that in Scripture. Interestingly enough, the reason we find it hard to read is because we’ve been transformed by Christ who we also learn about in the Bible. For there are many cultures (who don’t read the Bible) who would still agree with those kind of behaviors.

Barbaric Humanity

If the law of God seems barbaric in the Old Testament, we have to remember that it was because 3,500 years ago humanity was barbaric, at least by our Western civilization standards of the 21st century. When you hear of the genocides that still occur today you can argue that not much has changed in some places in the world.

God slowly revealed Himself to the Israelites so that through them the world might learn what it truly means to live and love through the example and teaching of Jesus Christ. We don’t stone women anymore for adultery—”Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” is one of the most famous lines of Jesus (John 8). In fact, we don’t believe in capital punishment at all (unless keeping the prisoner alive is a danger to society—an argument that makes more sense when prisoners were kept in tents and clay houses than billion dollar penitentiaries.)

Is the Bible Pro-Slavery?

Savage mentions that “the Bible is a radically pro-slavery document.” I believe this accusation to be purposefully ignorant. Yes, St. Paul wrote of the respect and duty that slaves should have for their masters and masters for their slaves. But while the term “slave” is used in broad terms in both the Old and New Testament, it is NEVER used in the way it was experienced in America (capturing people from their native land, selling them off for profit, denying rights, justifying abuse . . . ).

The Jewish people experienced that kind of slavery at the hand of the Egyptians and a strong part of their Law was to not do that to anyone else.

The Jewish people were strongly opposed to slavery since they were slaves themselves for years

In the Jewish custom, a slave was more like an indentured servant who could only sell themselves, not be sold by someone else. And after six years they’d have to be released unless they begged their master to be a servant for life (Exodus 21:5) and even then only the judges could decide if that could happen.

But I understand Savage’s deeper point. In the time of slavery in America, some slave owners used the Bible to justify their actions. They were wrong to do so. In our current time, there are many Americans who bully and discriminate against people with same sex attractions and use the Bible to justify their actions.

Guess what? They are wrong to do so, too.

Love One Another

Christianity has much to atone for in the way we have treated people with homosexual attractions. If only we were as shocked at the way the media portrays sinful heterosexual activity! It’s too easy to be shocked and disgusted at the sins we aren’t tempted to commit because we have no sympathy for the offender. (Whereas we are naturally kinder to people who struggle with our same issues.) Jesus didn’t say, “Love one another . . . except for the gays.”

We are all commanded by Christ to love as He loved us and to treat each other with the dignity that comes from being made in the image and likeness of God. It seems clear to me that Dan Savage has never experienced that love from people who claim to know Christ but instead has experienced the opposite. And that’s why I feel such sorrow when I hear him speak.

However, just because people get the Bible wrong doesn’t mean the Bible is wrong.

Savage (and others) think the Bible and Christianity is the problem. If that were true then cultures not formed on the Bible should be tolerant and accepting of homosexual behavior . . . but that is not always the case.

In a 2007 Pew Survey that asked if homosexuality should be accepted in society, Latin America, Western Europe, and Central Europe found about half agreeing with that idea. But Southern and Eastern Europe, the Middle East, huge portions of Asia and all of Africa strongly disagreed. It’s hard to suggest that the Bible has influenced predijuce in China and India. (See the study here, page 35.)

And though I feel some sympathy for the man, that doesn’t mean I sympathize at all with his position. He’s wrong and I think it was horrible that he used that opportunity with high school teenagers to bash the Bible. He would have been way more effective sharing with those teenagers the pain of being judged and condemned by people with religious beliefs than attacking Christianity. He was “fighting back” to a group of kids who hadn’t done him any harm. It was immature and inappropriate.

The Anti-Bully Bully

I was proud of the students who walked out on him. It wasn’t “pansy-assed.” It was just the opposite. In Savage’s attempt to teach teens about not discriminating against homosexuals, he became the bully.

Who's being the bully here?

The world won’t see it that way. His anti-Christian rhetoric will be justified as “righteous anger” that blames all people of faith for any unjust act done against a person with same-sex attraction. More and more in society today, people think to be Christian is to be a bigot. They think that we who believe that sex was made for a man and woman in marriage should hang our head in shame and stay home on voting day to atone for our sins.

Sadly, many Christians are doing just that. These issues are driving many away from the Church. It reminds me of something the artist formerly known as Ratzinger wrote in 1970 (from his book Faith and the Future, this quote taken from here) :

“The church will become small and will have to start afresh more or less from the beginning.

She will no longer be able to inhabit many of the edifices she built in prosperity. As the number of her adherents diminishes . . . she will lose many of her social privileges. . . As a small society, [the Church] will make much bigger demands on the initiative of her individual members…

The real crisis has scarcely begun. We will have to count on terrific upheavals. But I am equally certain about what will remain at the end: not the Church of the political cult, which is dead already, but the Church of faith. She may well no longer be the dominant social power to the extent that she was until recently; but she will enjoy a fresh blossoming and be seen as man’s home, where he will find life and hope beyond death.”

Smaller but stronger. A Church who’s strength is built not on the amount of her followers but the depth of her love for God and neighbor.

What Do We Do?

So how should we treat those who speak against us? With love.

How should we behave towards those with same sex attractions? Love.

What should we do to those who support and provide abortions? Love.

How should we treat our enemies? Love.

Jesus forgiving the sins of Mary Magdalen

But – and forgive me for using a phrase that Savage employed – not a “pansy-ass” love that says that everything is fine no matter what you do. A love that is rooted in truth. A love that is rooted in mercy. A love that is rooted in Jesus Christ.

Our love of God and neighbor means we can’t be silent on these issues, no matter what persecution we will face, no matter what people may think of us when we do. And when we speak we must do so “with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than from doing evil.” (1 Peter 3:16-17)

Don’t expect to be understood. Don’t be surprised at the trial. And don’t lose hope for this culture. “Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Read more from Bob at his blog Bob-Rice.com

I was once told that the easiest way to remember commandment number “six” is that it sounds like “sex.” At the time I thought it was just another lame example from my youth minister.

The funny thing is – I still remember it.

What wasn’t funny, however, is that at the time I somehow thought the “don’t commit adultery” commandment had little to do with me, an unmarried sixteen year old. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The truth is that this commandment isn’t only for married people. It’s violated by all ages – including teenagers – almost daily.

Everything’s about sex

We live in a highly sexualized culture. The minute preteen Disney Channel actresses leave behind their shows, they seem to leave behind their clothes as well. It’s hard to find a magazine cover, billboard, or commercial that isn’t visually offering a whole lot more than a product. Everywhere you try not to look, it’s sex they’re selling because they’ve learned one thing: sex sells.

Let’s be honest here . . . by all accounts (and catalogs) Victoria doesn’t have too many secrets left, people.

You can’t walk through a mall and not see a scantily clad, airbrushed, food-deprived toothpick with implants plastered across the windows of a lingerie store. Even “clothing” stores highlight their lack of clothing in their window displays. It’s like the models are saying, “Hey look, I need to take off my shirt while I stare blankly into the distance,” or “I can’t seem to stand next to this car without my breasts falling out of my top!”

Those images aren’t really selling lace, or silk, or cotton . . . they’re selling sex. Countless souls who wander by are being led to believe that “sexy” and “attractive” are synonymous with nudity and cleavage.

True love is blind, right?

So why do those displays attract so many eyes?

One word: lust.

And lust, brothers and sisters, violates this Sixth Commandment of “thou shalt not commit adultery.” In fact, few times in the gospels does Jesus speak with heart wrenching and startling emphasis as He does when He warns of the dangers of lust. Listen to this passage from St. Matthew’s gospel:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” Matthew 5:27-30

Of course, lust is just one of the ways we violate the sixth commandment.

Why is porn a big deal?

One of the most predominant offenses against this Commandment is seen in the form of pornography. Porn is an offense against chastity and a perversion of the sacredness of sex. Porn is a mockery of the intimacy and beauty of Sacramental love. In fact, the very word pornography comes from the Greek pornographos which means “writing about prostitutes.” That’s right, pornography is about prostitution. The concept of someone exposing themselves in such a way publicly or surrendering their dignity is linked with prostitution – which is obviously a sin on both peoples’ parts…the one “posing” and the one viewing.

Pornography destroys a person’s capacity to give and receive love properly. It reduces the mystery of sex to mere use, turning something sacred and Godly into something profane and dark. As Blessed John Paul II said, “The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is use.” Pornography is all about self-gratification; porn is about use.

Even worse is when people – out of a desire to make it less shame-filled and selfish – hail pornography as something good. People think acting like it’s not a sin will magically make it less sinful. Guys, viewing pornography doesn’t demonstrate the man you’ve become but, instead, reveals the boy you still are. Ladies, pornography does nothing to enhance your own beauty, it only skews your perception of what true beauty is . . . and the true beauty that you are.

God’s truth about porn, sin, and mercy

Now, I realize that countless souls reading this blog (if they had the courage to read it after seeing the title, that is) very likely struggle with pornography or lust, and, quite possibly, masturbation.

This blog and the Commandments, in general, aren’t intended to fill souls with shame or guilt. God’s truth shines light into darkness; God’s truth points you to true freedom.

No sin is bigger than God’s grace. If this is a sin that has enslaved you or a temptation that seems too much for you to handle – it’s time to reconcile yourself with God. You need the grace of the Sacraments, particularly the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to win this battle. God’s mercy is bigger than your sin, addiction, or struggle.

How to Obey the Sixth Commandment

Let’s get proactive with some things you can do to safeguard your chastity and protect against temptation(s):

Do:

• Print out the St. Michael prayer and tape it to the side of your computer monitor.
• Identify any movies, music, or shows that fill your head with lustful images or thought processes. Get rid of them. Take those playlists off your iPod, lose the DVDs, and avoid those channels.
• Set up a new user account on your computer in which you ban yourself from any adult sites. It might seem stupid but a lack of access translates into less temptation.
• Write or print out some Scripture verses on index cards and tape them up around your room. If that’s too embarrassing, put them somewhere only you will see them, daily. When you see it don’t just read it but pray it and pray for strength to live out the Truth God shares through it.

Here are some to help you:

Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Galatians 5:19, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6,
1 John 2:16, Romans 13:13, Psalm 119:37, Job 31:1, Philippians 4:8,
Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 7:21-27, 1 Corinthians 10:13, James 4:6-11, Ephesians 5:11-12, 1 Peter 4:3

• Do pushups, sit-ups or some other physically strenuous activity before you do your night prayer and get into bed. It won’t just exhaust you physically, but will increase endorphins, relieve stress, and calm hormones.
• Fall asleep holding and praying a rosary each night.
• Find a trusted friend who’s also seeking purity in this way, or who has conquered the temptation of porn and give them the permission to hold you accountable. Ask them to check in with you weekly or daily to see how you’re doing, to pray with you, and to kick your butt when needed.

Don’t:

• Do not engage in sex or other sexual acts unless you are married.
• Do not masturbate or engage in other sexual acts (such as oral sex) or in homosexual acts, as all are offenses against chastity (CCC 2351-59).
• Do not lust after others and do not engage in acts or actions that purposely cause you or others to become lustful, including immodest dress, speech or actions.
• Do not speak or act in a way that destroys the dignity of married love between a man and woman.
• Do not view or participate in pornography, suggestive speech, profane joking, “sexting,” suggestive photography or videos, strip clubs, prostitution, or any other offense toward chastity.

And if you’re called to marriage one day . . .

• Do not commit adultery physically or emotionally.
• Do not practice contraception (CCC 2366-2372).

To read more detailed explanations of the Christ’s Teaching on the Sixth Commandment, check out the Catechism (CCC 2331-2400) and refer to the Scriptures listed above.

Click on the image above for more epic quotes.

“Some of you may be tempted to take flight from responsibility: in the fantasy worlds of alcohol and drugs, in shortlived sexual relationships without commitment to marriage and family, in indifference, in cynicism and even in violence. Put yourselves on guard against the fraud of a world that wants to exploit or misdirect your energetic and powerful search for happiness and meaning. But do not avoid the search for the true answers to the questions that confront you. Do not be afraid!” – John Paul II, January 1, 1985 for the World Day of Peace

Read More: Peace and Youth Go Forward Together

Questions for Your Journal

1. Why is their pressure to party? Have I ever drank or done drugs with my friends? If so, why did I do it?
2. What is the fantasy of drugs, alcohol, and hooking up? What is the reality?
3. Am I afraid of being different? What do I need from God so that I can stand strong?

What it is. If infatuation is all about the heart, then obsession is all about the head. Obsession is the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent fantasy.

Where you see it. Teen girls have always enjoyed obsessing over celebrities and entertainers. Right now it’s Justin Bieber, soon it will be someone else. Regardless of who is at the center of the obsession, it’s always the same thing: buying all of his stuff, going to all the concerts, talking about him with friends. And of course, believing in your head that the two of you will end up together.

Guys can also obsess over girls in movies, TV,  and in music, but they don’t act out on it in the same way girls do. In some cases, obsession for males is less about a fantasy of a destined relationship and more about lust.

Why people accept obsession. When it’s innocent, obsession is a secure way for a young person–especially a young girl–to commit herself to one guy without going through the drama of a real life dating relationships.

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

Why obsession is the counterfeit of love. Obsession is what I call directional love. That means you point your love at someone, and you send it at them whether they like it or not. You spend more and more time detached from your own world and get lost in your fantasy about this person. Obsession is never grounded in reality. If you don’t keep it in check, everyone will just think you’re weird.

The real problem with obsession, however, is that you are allowing a human to become your god. All of things that are due to God–love, worship, praise, hope–are shifted away from Him and onto someone else.  And that someone else will always let you down because they were never meant to be God. That is why God warned us against obsession with the First Commandment:

I am the Lord your God and you shall have not have any other gods before me.

When you obsess, you are setting yourself up to fail. Stay focused on what’s real.

<< Yesterday: Part II Infatuation | Tomorrow: Part IV Co-dependence >>

Editor’s Note: Before we break open this topic let me first say this: This is a tough issue. Many of you reading this are dealing or have dealt with pornography in some way. Many of you feel alone and ashamed because of your use. I want you to know that you are not alone and you are stronger than you’ve been lead to believe. You have a God who loves you and offers you hope and freedom. Before you read any further, take a minute to pray for anyone who feels trapped by the bonds of pornography. Your prayers matter and can make a difference.

Pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. Internet sales alone reach over $5 billion per year. More than half of its viewers online are men (72%), but in recent years more and more women are viewing pornography (28%). Pornography is everywhere and easily accessible to anyone of any age at any time. With a culture that has become obsessed with self-gratification and instantaneous satisfaction, it is no surprise that the pornography industry continues to make money. But, what are they really selling?

The people who write, produce, make, and sell porn understand the desire for pleasure, fantasy, adventure, and love. At the heart of pornography is the message that you can feel good about yourself and fulfill all your needs and desires through pleasure.

The pornography industry is trying to sell a counterfeit sense of love as an authentic sense of love. Real love is committed. It holds true in tough situations. It is not based on fantasy or pleasure. Real love allows us to feel things like true joy and even pain. Real love has at the center the best possible good of another person. It is directed towards another person, not to ourselves. Pornography, on the other hand, allows us to escape reality and indulge in what feels good at the moment. It numbs us to all other feelings and gives a false sense of self-satisfaction and acceptance. In short, the pornography industry is trying to sell love—lying, fake, unsatisfying, and selfish love. This is the lie of pornography.

Nothing about pornography is real. The actors, the stories, and the settings—it’s all fake. Porn is created to stir up strong emotions of satisfaction, pleasure, and adventure that are not based in any sort of reality. It is all based on the fantasy of the viewer.

What porn does is it creates a temporary escape from reality. Many people turn to porn for different reasons: a lack of self-confidence, the desire to be needed, to escape a tough situation, a desire to feel happy, and often times boredom. This temporary escape is just that—temporary. Once all the pleasure fades the person is still left searching for what is truly going to fulfill and satisfy their desire to be loved.

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

One of the key ways to overcome the temptation of pornography is the virtue of self-control or self-mastery. This virtue, especially when it comes to pornography, is not about trying to prove that you are stronger than the temptation. It is about recognizing why you are feeling tempted. Many men and women who work at self-mastery find that temptation comes when they are most vulnerable. Feelings of stress, loneliness, disrespect, or shame can often trigger temptation. When we can recognize these feelings, we can stop and ask ourselves what it is we are really looking for. Most of the time the answer is love.

Real love is found in the heart of the Father. When we immerse ourselves in this real love given to us by God our Father, we are able to know when we encounter fake love. Authentic love will never come from pleasure. Our Father offers us a love that transcends our sin and shortcomings. His love perfects our imperfections. It endures even when we reject. It gives us strength when we are weak. When we seek love, this is what we are looking for. This is the love that never fails.

It is my deepest hope and prayer that we could know and live with the confidence that God’s grace is more than enough for us. Let us join together in praying for the destruction of the pornography industry and all attacks on human dignity and true love.

The Bachelor. So many engagements. Why so few marriages?

What it is. Infatuation is temporary, all-absorbing crush or passion.

Where you see it. Most chick flicks are about infatuation because it’s packed with emotion and romance without any of the “ordinary” parts of life to slow down the plot. Many websites and magazines for teen girls routinely talk about “love” when they’re really talking about “infatuation.”

Music is loaded with infatuation. Consider Katy Perry’s song “Teenage Dream”

Katy Perry songs are always trapped by "the now"

My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch now baby I believe. This is real so take a chance and don’t ever look back. Don’t ever look back.

That sounds sweet and all, but what does that really mean? Can people talk like that forever without feeling silly?

Why people accept infatuation. Infatuation feels good. You get an emotional high with an intense crush. It adds magic to an otherwise ordinary day. Also, being infatuated is kind of a “coming of age” that for many people marks the beginning of being a teenager.

Why infatuation is the counterfeit of love. Infatuation is a fleeting feeling. It’s a flame that gives no warmth. I knew a girl in high school who never kept a boyfriend because she always had to find someone new to fall in love with. She was addicted to the idea of being in love, not the messy reality of loving someone.

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

This doesn’t just happen in high school either. Many people get engaged because they’re infatuated with one another, but their connection has never been challenged by time. Their marriage becomes difficult because “ordinary life” seems to slowly destroy the good feelings of infatuation. There is a reason why marriages never last from shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is because they’re confusing infatuation for love.

Don’t ge me wrong. Crushy feelings aren’t bad. I had them for my wife when we first started dating. I get new kinds of crushy feelings for her with each new day. But infatuation is only an emotion and should never be confused as love. Love is something that is much bigger and more beautiful.

<< Yesterday: Part I Lust | Tomorrow: Part III Obsession >>

This month on LifeTeen.com we’re writing all about love. We want to figure out the difference between luv, something that’s shallow, and love, the thing that is deep and profound. So in this 5-part blog series, I’m going to talk about the things that at times might look and feel like love, but are in fact just a counterfeit. Here’s what I’ll cover:

• Part I: Lust
• Part II: Infatuation
• Part III: Obsession
• Part IV: Co-dependence
• Part V: Abuse and Manipulation

You’ll want to read this series because you owe it to yourself to only accept the real deal. Today, let’s talk about lust…

Love Counterfeit: Lust

What do Lil Wayne, Katy, and Usher have in common? They became top artists by using lust to sell their music.

What it is. Lust is an intense appetite for sex. Lust is acted out in many ways: pornography, prostitution, one-night stands.

Where you see it. Lust is very common today because people can make a lot of money by selling stuff with lust: cars, movies, video games, clothes, cologne. Lust is central to most modern club music. Consider the lyrics to Usher’s song “OMG”:

“I fell in love with shawty when I seen her on the dance floor. She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low. Never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight. This was something special; this was just like dynamite.”

Where else you’ve heard about lust: Ludacris “How Low,” Katy Perry “California Gurls,” and Lil Wayne “Lollipop.”

Why people accept lust. Many young guys believe that lust defines their masculinity. To say it in another way, they think it makes them cool to be obsessed with sex. Because a guy’s lust can be so intense, a girl can feel special whenever a guy directs that intensity at her. Unfortunately, the truth is soon revealed when he moves on and lusts after someone else. Lust is never about love.

Why lust is a counterfeit of love. Lust excludes everything in a relationship that isn’t about sex. Think about that. There’s nothing about caring for each other, helping one another, encouraging one another. There’s nothing about sharing a fun life together. Lust leaves you empty and confused. Lust is indeed the opposite of love.

Pope John Paul spoke often about lust because he understood how toxic it could be to relationships and society. Consider this quote:

“Love for a person must consist in affirmation that the person has a value higher than that of an object for consumption or use… It is not enough to long for a person as a good for oneself, one must also, and above all, long for that person’s good.” ~ Pope John Paul II (underline added for emphasis)

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

Dealing with lust can be very difficult, especially for young people today. But there is hope! In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus talks about how to deal with lust:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

What this means is that it’s with our EYES that lust first begins. If you keep control of your eyes, you can eliminate lust before it gets stuck in your head and heart. Pray often to overcome lust so that you can love others more purely.

Tomorrow: Infatuation >>

The Flesh May Be Weak, but the Spirit Is Willing

Crash diets don’t work. If a woman loves donuts or a man loves buffalo wings, they have the choice: control their flesh or schedule the angioplasty. Simply eliminating the temptation isn’t enough; the body must be retrained and self-control must come into play. The same is true in the battle for purity.

You are a sexual being. Everyone is. Your body was created with sexual desires for a reason, a purpose. However, the fact that you were created with such desires doesn’t mean they should dictate your life. Sex, in and of itself, is not the goal of life. It should not be the motivating factor. Sex is not a mere act. Sex is not power.

Sex is a language, gifted to us by God, that speaks of commitment and self-sacrifice. Sex is an expression of unconditional love, a unifying experience for a man and woman who have offered their lives to one another and to God.

Sex outside of the bonds (that’s right, the bonds) of holy matrimony is contrary to God’s will for several reasons.

Sex is procreative; it is the means through which God brings a child into the world. At its most fundamental level, that is what sex is all about. As the Church teaches, every child must be brought into the world through an act of love on the part of the parents. In this, conception models God’s own creative nature. God forbids us from conceiving a child in any other way—through any artificial means of conception.

Sex is also unitive, it is a binding act that unites not just the bodies but the hearts and spirits of the couple to one another and to God. Sex creates a permanent bond of love meant to foster the unity of the couple. That unity helps create an environment congenial to the raising of children. Premarital sex is sex without permanent commitment and nearly always opposed to the creation of a child.

In marriage, the couple confirms their openness to motherhood and fatherhood and the purpose of the sexual act is fully realized. In Catholic wedding vows the man and woman declare that they will willingly and joyfully accept children. In achieving this end, artificial contraception is not an option, although a couple may space their children using the method commonly known as natural family planning.

The couple also states that they will remain together as long as they both shall live. This permanent commitment transcends the graying, wrinkling, sagging and slowing down that come with time. This vow affirms that the attraction shared between husband and wife exists beyond the borders of sexual satisfaction: “No matter what happens,” the couple is saying to each other, “you are more than a body, and sex is more than an act. I am in this forever.”

If you are sexually active and not married to your partner, reconsider the language that you are using. It’s God’s language, and it is not open to adaptation or interpretation to suit your situation.

What’s the Use?

Sex in contemporary society is primarily about use (pleasure) rather than purpose (unity, procreation, pleasure). Where has this left us as a society?

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

Pornography ensnares both men and women and families suffer. Divorces proliferate, leaving millions of young people leery of entering marriage themselves when they grow up. Sexually transmitted diseases leave innumerable women unable to bear children. Mothers are left to raise children alone and women are abandoned as they age because their men used a “forever” language with a “for now” intention. Countless men and women are embittered after having been thrown aside when they have fulfilled their “use.”

Consider this: when singles hook up or married people stray, sex is usually the goal, although we can fool ourselves about it, and often do. But what usually happens after the sexual thrill fades? Heartbreak and shattered lives. This should tell us something, but it doesn’t seem to. Too many people leave one illicit sexual situation and fall right into another.

When sex becomes the goal, it has lost something intrinsic—its spirit of self-sacrifice, of total and permanent commitment. In other words, it loses all that makes it sacred. When it is separated from its God-designed purpose, it becomes an act of using someone—or using oneself in the act of masturbation. And let’s be truthful: politicians might argue that oral sex is not actual sex but anyone who is honest knows that’s ridiculous.

If you are a young adult who wants to avoid the heartbreak that ultimately accompanies premarital sex, choose chastity now. The self-control, spirit of self-sacrifice and understanding of love that you acquire will also help to protect you from divorce when you do marry. Chastity now and a right understanding of the nature of love and commitment will help give you the inner strength to make it through the difficult times that come in all marriages.

What are we offering and taking, giving and using? If we want to advance to that next level of life, men and women need to take a look at it all. Otherwise, the “game” is over. Of course, if sex were just a game there would be no consequence, no emptiness, no pain and no sin.

Joining host Matt Smith on this episode are Carrie Bigley, Kemi Ndolo, and Alissa Roberts.