If you’ve been “Keeping up with the Kardashians” you know that Kim is getting divorced. She and Kris Humphries have been married 72 days. I’ve done the math for you and it’s not even three months!

There’s some joke about things falling apart “faster than a celebrity wedding.” Hearing this kind of news can make you laugh or roll your eyes. At least that’s what I did. (In addition to saying “predictable” out loud)

I know this doesn’t just happen in Hollywood. I don’t need a reality TV show to tell me that this is a reality. People are falling in love, getting married and then divorcing every day. It’s not just the Kardashians. Deep down I really do feel bad for her because I know it’s a hard situation to be in. I’ve seen so many people hurt by divorce. Maybe it even happened in your own home.

It leaves the question in my mind, “Is true love possible? Is it real? Can two people stay together ‘til death do us part’?”

The answer is an enthusiastic “Yes!” I know because a fortune cookie said so.

And I know it’s possible because I’ve seen it happen. There are no magic words or as Cosmopolitan promises – sex secrets that make couples want to remain married. It’s about commitment to each other no matter what. It takes self-denial and putting the other person before yourself. It’s the power of grace in the Sacrament of Marriage.

I could go on and on about “what it takes.” But really all I want to do is give you hope. Love doesn’t have to be the way the Kardashians portray it. I promise.

See for yourself. Take a look at this real couple, Danny and Annie, and their 27 year love story; and believe God has something amazing planned for your life. (Jeremiah 29:11)

The Flesh May Be Weak, but the Spirit Is Willing

Crash diets don’t work. If a woman loves donuts or a man loves buffalo wings, they have the choice: control their flesh or schedule the angioplasty. Simply eliminating the temptation isn’t enough; the body must be retrained and self-control must come into play. The same is true in the battle for purity.

You are a sexual being. Everyone is. Your body was created with sexual desires for a reason, a purpose. However, the fact that you were created with such desires doesn’t mean they should dictate your life. Sex, in and of itself, is not the goal of life. It should not be the motivating factor. Sex is not a mere act. Sex is not power.

Sex is a language, gifted to us by God, that speaks of commitment and self-sacrifice. Sex is an expression of unconditional love, a unifying experience for a man and woman who have offered their lives to one another and to God.

Sex outside of the bonds (that’s right, the bonds) of holy matrimony is contrary to God’s will for several reasons.

Sex is procreative; it is the means through which God brings a child into the world. At its most fundamental level, that is what sex is all about. As the Church teaches, every child must be brought into the world through an act of love on the part of the parents. In this, conception models God’s own creative nature. God forbids us from conceiving a child in any other way—through any artificial means of conception.

Sex is also unitive, it is a binding act that unites not just the bodies but the hearts and spirits of the couple to one another and to God. Sex creates a permanent bond of love meant to foster the unity of the couple. That unity helps create an environment congenial to the raising of children. Premarital sex is sex without permanent commitment and nearly always opposed to the creation of a child.

In marriage, the couple confirms their openness to motherhood and fatherhood and the purpose of the sexual act is fully realized. In Catholic wedding vows the man and woman declare that they will willingly and joyfully accept children. In achieving this end, artificial contraception is not an option, although a couple may space their children using the method commonly known as natural family planning.

The couple also states that they will remain together as long as they both shall live. This permanent commitment transcends the graying, wrinkling, sagging and slowing down that come with time. This vow affirms that the attraction shared between husband and wife exists beyond the borders of sexual satisfaction: “No matter what happens,” the couple is saying to each other, “you are more than a body, and sex is more than an act. I am in this forever.”

If you are sexually active and not married to your partner, reconsider the language that you are using. It’s God’s language, and it is not open to adaptation or interpretation to suit your situation.

What’s the Use?

Sex in contemporary society is primarily about use (pleasure) rather than purpose (unity, procreation, pleasure). Where has this left us as a society?

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Pornography ensnares both men and women and families suffer. Divorces proliferate, leaving millions of young people leery of entering marriage themselves when they grow up. Sexually transmitted diseases leave innumerable women unable to bear children. Mothers are left to raise children alone and women are abandoned as they age because their men used a “forever” language with a “for now” intention. Countless men and women are embittered after having been thrown aside when they have fulfilled their “use.”

Consider this: when singles hook up or married people stray, sex is usually the goal, although we can fool ourselves about it, and often do. But what usually happens after the sexual thrill fades? Heartbreak and shattered lives. This should tell us something, but it doesn’t seem to. Too many people leave one illicit sexual situation and fall right into another.

When sex becomes the goal, it has lost something intrinsic—its spirit of self-sacrifice, of total and permanent commitment. In other words, it loses all that makes it sacred. When it is separated from its God-designed purpose, it becomes an act of using someone—or using oneself in the act of masturbation. And let’s be truthful: politicians might argue that oral sex is not actual sex but anyone who is honest knows that’s ridiculous.

If you are a young adult who wants to avoid the heartbreak that ultimately accompanies premarital sex, choose chastity now. The self-control, spirit of self-sacrifice and understanding of love that you acquire will also help to protect you from divorce when you do marry. Chastity now and a right understanding of the nature of love and commitment will help give you the inner strength to make it through the difficult times that come in all marriages.

What are we offering and taking, giving and using? If we want to advance to that next level of life, men and women need to take a look at it all. Otherwise, the “game” is over. Of course, if sex were just a game there would be no consequence, no emptiness, no pain and no sin.

It’s Unrealistic.

Imagine falling in love in exotic lands like a fairy tale then ending up with a “prince” – minus the money, fame, and dream destinations. This smack of reality is why most engagements after The Bachelor/Bachelorette don’t last.

It’s easy to fall in “luv” with money; it should be no surprise the participants give a ring at the end to confess that “true” love. Living in the moment isn’t bad… but making a lifelong commitment based off infatuation is.

It’s emotionally addicting.

When we watch shows like this, we start believing the world it creates. We put our hopes and dreams into a fantasy that reality has no chance of fulfilling.

In a lot of ways, this can be compared to the visual fantasy land pornography creates. For girls, we fall in love before we think about physical intimacy; men are visual and physical first. Both addictions take away from the reality God wants to offer you with your spouse. Fantasizing situations both emotionally and sexually becomes a desire reality cannot fulfill.

Selfishness 101.

You don’t just give up your job and life to go on a show and see if some girl likes you… there’s got to be some reward. Do fame, money, and winning a competition sound appealing? Does anyone say no to the rose even if they don’t care for person handing it out? For example, in an earlier season, contestant Frank still liked his ex more than Ali – but lied to stay on show until the end.

In 1 Corinthians 13 it says that love does not seek its own interests, but rejoices in the truth (13:5-6).

The most recent bachelorette, Ali, knew from day one Roberto was the one she wanted to date, but instead of picking him and leaving the rest, she led on the others. At the end of the show, her conscience got to her and she “broke the rules,” letting Chris go before the last “rose ceremony.” Why wasn’t she honest with him before? Drama and suspense = more episodes. More episodes = more money.

There’s no commitment.

This show doesn’t just break the rules of healthy dating; it shows us how we can break our own hearts. We must be careful to not place our happiness in the hands of anyone but God… but that’s exactly what the shows promote. When Ali or Brad went on the show looking for love, the contestants made them the center of attention while competing for their hearts. But since neither of them had to fully commit emotionally to someone until the end, our Bachelor and Bachelorette taught us that it’s okay to date a lot of people at once until we find someone better.

If we put this lesson into practice, not only will we break hearts along the way, we will end up breaking any relationship with the potential of being successful. In a real relationship, we can’t just find someone else when times get tough or ‘unromantic.’ Marriage is a lifelong commitment and the honeymoon stage is momentary. We must pray and find the spouse that will fulfill more than our emotional desires, but will fulfill and match our souls.

Imagining the ‘ultimate’ love story won’t compare to the one God has in mind for you. He knows our inward hearts and will provide romance, love, and true compatibility in our spouses.  Don’t be drawn in to the superficial qualities the world tells us will bring happiness; look for the Divine storyline. It beats reality TV any day.

God is one creative Creator. He gave us the cosmos, the sun, the moon, and the stars. He gave us the mountains and the seas, volcanoes and icebergs, tropical rainforests and sand-covered beaches. He gave us the humpback whale, the platypus, the giraffe and the dragonfly. God also gave us humanity. God created us male and female – beautifully distinct and wonderfully made in His divine image. God created marriage and God created sex.

Did you catch that last line? God created sex – it was His idea – and sex is sacred. Sacred comes from a Latin term that means “holy.” When something is sacred it is connected to God and deserves great respect and reverence. God is the author of all life and, as such, the Creator of that which brings life.

Before we go on any further, it’s vital to point out that sex is absolutely more than a physical act. Sex has two purposes – the unitive (bringing a married man and woman even closer together) and the procreative (an openness to the possibility of creating life with God).

It’s important that we make a clear distinction here: love is not what makes sex sacred… at least not “love” in the sense most people think. You see, sex between animals isn’t sacred, but sex between people is.

Why, you may ask?

Humans are sacred. We are God’s children. We are made in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27). It’s not just that a man and woman are “making love” – it’s that they are potentially “making humans” and there is nothing more sacred than human life (Psalm 139:14-16, Jeremiah 1:4-8).

We are mammals, yes, but we are not the same as animals. By virtue of our intellect and our free will, we are made distinctively different from the animals. We reflect the image and likeness of not only our Creator, but of our Heavenly Father, who is all holy, all perfect, and all sacred.

Human sexuality is not about what we receive, but what we give. In other words, when we reduce sex merely to an act that elicits pleasure, sex has been stripped of its dignity – the end result is use. Sex is part of God’s beautiful mystery of life in which He plays a critical role. When you strip the dignity from sex – when you take the mystery out of sex – you’re left with pornography. Sex carries with it a purpose; pornography is merely about use.

Sex is an amazing gift of God and the Church proudly proclaims how incredible and beautiful sex is in the proper context and relationship of sacramentally-committed love between a husband and wife, both sacred creations of God.

1. The Married Life
2. The Single Life
3. The Priesthood and Religious Life

1. The Married Life

You and your spouse commit to a lifetime relationship of faithfully serving one another. You are open to children and dedicated to loving and raising them. Many young Catholics see themselves becoming married and having a family. What's it like?

Commitment

One of the greatest comforts in marriage is being committed to one another.

• As Catholics, we firmly live the vows spoken at the altar: “Till death do us part…In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse.” It’s romantic to say when everything is perfect at the wedding, but it is a challenge to live those vows every day.
• Unfortunately, not everyone shares the same commitment that God calls us to. Half of all marriages in America end in divorce. Divorce is extremely painful for everyone–spouses, children, and grandparents.
• Many people make a habit of dating, dumping, dating, dumping… In the back of their mind, they have an “exit strategy” for when things don’t work out perfectly. In marriage, you have to break that habit of thinking. For some this is easy, for others it is very difficult.
• Grass is greener? Once married, you must break the habit of “shopping around” with the opposite sex. After years of dating, this is not as easy as it seems. When you exchange rings, that does not prevent you from being attracted to the opposite sex. There will always be more handsome men and more beautiful women.

Sex

A great joy of marriage is giving yourself to your spouse by making love! The Catholic Church believes this is entirely good! God expects married couples to make love. Often. But…

• Many men have unrealistic expectations of sex in marriage. Marriage is not an endless love-fest. You must respect, love, and adore your wife, even when she does not want to have sex.
• Learning to sexually please one another takes time and patience.
• For medical and health reasons, the two of you may not be able to have sex for long periods of time.
• When you are first married, you are both young and attractive. But as the both of you grow older, your bodies change. This is a humbling realization for the husband and the wife.
• Patience: if you need to wait to have children, then you should practice Natural Family Planning (NFP).
• Though all married couples have sex, not many have intimacy. Sex can distract a couple from deeper issues that separate the two, preventing authentic intimacy.

Joys

Although priests and religious, single, and married people share common joys, the married life offers unique joys.

• Selflessly giving yourself to another person every day
• Making love
• Pouring yourself into the lives of your children
• Sharing your children with your brothers and sisters and your parents
• Watching your children grow up
• Growing old with a friend

Hardships

Many young Catholics think that you get married >> have sex >> live happily ever after. Yes, you get married, you have sex, but living “happily ever after” takes a lifetime of work and dedication. And sacrifice! It’s not the direct result of wearing a wedding band.

• Living with another person is not easy! Have you ever been on a weeklong vacation with your best friend? Your spouse may suffer from emotional or physical problems, and you must patiently stick by their side through it all.
• Children are a joy, but raising children is not easy. In your child’s young years, there are many sleepless nights. Throughout school, there’s always something going on. Junior high and high school is a trying time for everyone. Consider what you and your parents have been through in just the past year. There’s pain, frustration, and heartache.
• Some people grow apart over time. This is why courtship is so important. You have to be sure you marry someone who will grow with you.
• When you marry your spouse, you also marry the family. Your spouse’s parents become your children’s grandparents. This is often a joy, because your in-laws are an extension of the goodness of your spouse. But, in-laws become a real part of your life.
• Having a family is a financial commitment. How you spend your money changes drastically. Some of the “toys” from your single life have to go (fast cars, expensive clothes, newest gizmos, etc.)
• As a parent, life ceases to be about you and becomes about them. Children are always needy. You may have to let go of your own ambitions to take care of your children. Many people will say that raising children is the most rewarding ambition, but others are not ready to let go of their self-focused lifestyle.

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2. Single Life

God calls many people to live a single life. What's it like?

Commitment

• You are not committed to a spouse or any of your children, so you can commit your time to whatever you’d like. But, this freedom from commitment also means that no one is committed to you. You have to be comfortable with living solo.
• You will remain committed to your family: brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, cousins, etc.

Sex

• In the single life, it is immoral to have sexual or physical relationships with others.
• You focus your sexual energy on serving God and His church more.

Joys

• You give when and where a married person cannot: time, money, and attention. A married person is bound to serving their family.
• As a single person, you have a unique independence that married people do not.
• If God calls you to serve elsewhere, you are free to travel.
• Although you may not have any biological children, you can have many kids by staying involved in your church’s youth ministery, religious education, or in local sports teams.
• As your parents age, or as a relative becomes ill, you will be able to help them in ways that married siblings cannot.

Hardships

• Since you don’t have your own family, you’ll need to find positive ways to find company and spend your time.
• Most of your friends will eventually get married and they’ll wonder why you aren’t doing it too. You have to find confidence in your vocation and be ready to explain it to people who don’t understand.

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3. Priesthood and Religious Life

You give your entire being to God, and free yourself from worldly ambitions by taking vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Each day you dedicate your entire life to serving Christ and His Church. But what is it like?

Commitment

Many priests, brothers, and sisters will tell you the most difficult part of their vocation is obedience, not chastity.

• This is a life-long commitment!
• You must humbly accept where your director takes you.
• You are called to be obedient to Church teachings, regardless of you personal opinions.
• You must be obedient to your bishop.
• If you are a diocesan priest, you are a committed member of a team. You must support other priests in the diocese and the work of the bishop.

Sex

You are called to live a life of celibacy. That means you vow to not have sexual relationships for the rest of your life. I know this sounds like bad news, but consider this…

• There is no taking the place of a marital sexual relationship, but as a priest, brother, or sister, you are able experience deep intimacy with God and others. Many people have sex but never have intimacy.
• You focus your sexual energy on serving God and His church.
• “Usually we have this thing, ‘if I only had the right girlfriend, if I only had the right spouse, if I only had this, if I only had that, I wouldn’t be lonely anymore and my life would be perfect,’ and that’s not true. That’s an illusion because you can’t cure loneliness by anything except embracing it with faith and giving it to God. So that’s part of what I think priestly life is about and celibate life is about. That’s part of the whole reason for it.” – Fr. Tim Hepburn, Atlanta

Joys

• Independence! Without a family to take care of, you are able to go wherever God calls you.
• Travel
• Working with people
• Knowing that every gift you have will be used for the glory of God.
• Having many children! As a parish priest, you have an entire parish that becomes your family.
• Job security!

Hardships

• Although you gain a new family, you sacrifice having your own family.
• You are called to a life of chastity, poverty, and obedience. These are blessings, but they are difficult.
• You might be the only person from your group of friends who chooses the path to priesthood or religious life. Your peers will grow up to be working professionals and maybe get married and become parents. You have to be okay with the fact that your life will not be symmetrical to their lives.

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Below you will find free downloads of planning guides to help Priests and Youth Ministers host Life Nights or Bible Studies about Vocations for teenagers. Teens, if your church doesn’t ever talk about teens trying to figure out what they’re going to be when they grow up, download these resources and email them to your parish priest. You can usually find his email address on your church’s website. Skip to:

1. True Life | Holy Orders: The Vocation of Holy Orders
2. A Marriage Made in Heaven
3. For Better or Worse: The Vocation of Marriage
4. Vocations Bible Study
5. Parent Life, Beyond the Cradle

1. True Life | Holy Orders: The Vocation of Holy Orders

The goal of this Life Night is to understand the universal vocation of holiness and how each individual vocation flows from the call to holiness. This night will give the teens tools to discern their own vocation… The night opens with a “Choose Your Own Adventure” story. The teens will actively participate in the story based on their choices. The story leads into a teaching on the universal call to holiness as the foundation of all vocations. The teens will be given a time for personal assessment on their individual journey of holiness. Members of the community will share their witness of living out their vocations and give teens a few practical tools in discernment of their own vocation. The night ends with Eucharistic Adoration with the focus on heaven as the goal for all vocations.

Download: True Life | Holy Orders

2. A Marriage Made in Heaven

This Life Night will help teens understand why Holy Orders is a vocation and how the vocation is lived out. This night will also give teens a chance to hear the real life discernment stories of priests and deacons. Finally, this night will give teen practical ways to discern their vocation.

Download: A Marriage Made in Heaven

3. For Better or Worse: The Vocation of Marriage

This Life Night will look at the vocation of Marriage as a unique calling from God designed to mirror Christ’s love for the Church. The teens will understand that the grace of the Sacrament gives couples the ability to live holy, lifelong Marriages. Finally, this night will look specifically at dating relationships as a foundation for discernment and Marriage preparation.

Download: For Better or Worse

4. Vocations Bible Study

This is an informative Bible study that allows the leader to interact heavily with teenagers.

Download: Vocations Bible Study

5. BONUS: Parent Life, Beyond the Cradle

The goal for this night is to get parents thinking and talking about the challenges and blessings of raising Catholic teens today. This night will help parents identify their own strengths as a Catholic parent, identify the challenges they currently have and share in the blessings that being Catholic brings. They will also be reminded of their vocation to be a parent.

Download:  Parent Life | Beyond the Cradle

A: Because the majority of priests are Irish, and we have very fair skin and burn very easily!

And now for the real answer.

That is that you can be married outside as long as the priest who is doing the ceremony gets permission from his Bishop. Let me quote from the Code of Canon Law (this is the book that has all the laws that govern the Catholic Church) “The local ordinary (the Bishop) can permit marriage to be celebrated in some other suitable place (other than a though of the Church, and the reason you need to get special permission is because marriage is a covenant with God. Therefore, we should be in His house when we promise to allow when people are dreaming (and planning) their wedding, everything is about how it looks, but it shouldn’t be the biggest part. The most important part of a wedding is the simplicity of two people standing before their family and friends, in the presence of God, saying, “I do.”