For a long time, it wasn’t unusual for me to stand in the mirror and tear myself apart. I would also tear myself apart when I inevitably sinned. I am the kind of person that always wants to be perfect and I’m not. Neither are you. I make mistakes, and when I do, I’m my own greatest critic. This separated me from God more quickly than any other thing in my life. I didn’t feel like God could love a sinner like me.
So was it wrong that I had once had a crush on my friend’s future husband? No, I don’t think so. Having a crush on someone is totally normal. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else, and it’s good to be drawn to those good characteristics that we notice in them. We’re designed to interact and form relationships with other people. As we spend time with others, it’s totally normal to find ourselves “crushing” on someone because we think he’s really funny or cute or sweet or witty or holy or, worst of all, all of the above!!
Every single day has been perfect… we’ve never had an argument, never disagreed, and never gotten frustrated. Our home is perfect. Our kids are perfect. Our family is a walking Christmas card. No one ever fights, has gas or morning breath or bad hair days. Each morning, servants bring us freshly squeezed orange juice and non-fat, extra foam lattes, whilst animated Disney birds gather on our balcony to whistle us awake. Yes, we are never tired, have no body fat, no wrinkles and my gray hair is highlighting that I pay extra money for at the barbershop.
As I got older, I think it was around 6th grade, when I started really anticipating Valentine’s Day. Why? Maybe because it was the first time I had a huge crush on a guy. I still remember the feeling, the butterflies in my stomach when I saw him… Of course this boy didn’t know I existed… (surprise, surprise). But I would close my eyes and imagine that he was my valentine and I was his. Gross I know, right? Anyway, needless to say I didn’t receive any Valentine’s that year from any boys, except the ones from my daddy and little brothers.
Every year I found myself somewhat disappointed in my Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had a boyfriend or any guy in a position to be my Valentine. But I guess I always thought well maybe this Valentine’s Day will be different. Maybe i’ll have a secret admirer, or a boyfriend (yeah right), etc…
Guys and girls are some of the worlds biggest mysteries… well, to each other anyway. This can make dating pretty complicated. As a guy, I rarely know what the girls in my life are thinking. Classmate, co-worker, sister, friend, girlfriend, mom… it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes I think I understand Calculus better than I understand girls. And umm… I got a D in Calculus.
I remember feeling kind of like a failure when I graduated from college. All five of my siblings married someone that they went to college with, and my last dating relationship had recently ended. I had my bachelor’s degree, but my wife was nowhere to be found. Many of my good friends got married within the first year or two after graduation, and I felt like I was destined to either be single forever or eventually just settle for some less-than-exciting relationship.
I’ve been best friends with a guy for awhile. But now I feel like there could be something more to our relationship. I am scared to tell him how I feel, scared to ruin our awesome friendship, yet I feel so ready to be in a relationship. Should I tell him how I feel?
Those are the little things, the little acts of love that God sees and understands. Those are the things that define you, that make your whole being beautiful. That doesn’t make up for our sins and failings, and it certainly doesn’t excuse them… but it means there are shreds of goodness even in the midst of our brokenness.
The definition of beautiful isn’t an absence of sin or blemishes; it’s the presence of love. Beautiful is not about having arms like Michelle Obama, but like Mother Teresa.
Q: Well I’ve been praying a 54 day novena for my future husband, and what you do is that for the first 27 days you pray for something, and then you get some sort of answer and then on the other 27 days you pray to give thanksgiving for your answer. So I did just […]
Q: How do I know if the person I’m dating is “the one”? What if I miss out on my soulmate? A: I have to admit that Courtney (my wife) was not the first “one” I had ever dated. I dated other girls before her, and there was even one or two that I thought […]
All I’ve ever wanted out of my relationships is to feel safe.
I’m always worried that I’ll make someone so angry that they won’t want to have anything to do with me. I want to know that I’m worth someone’s time and effort; that they’ll stick around when things get rough.
But people always fall short. We’re imperfect and broken and there’s no escaping that. Show me someone who’s got it together all the time and I’ll show you someone who’s wearing a mask. People are unpredictable and it’s scary.
Throughout my whole life, I can regrettably say that I have been that judgmental and know-it-all person, almost always seeing myself in the right, and ready to give my opinion and tell others when I’m right and they’re wrong. There was this intense desire for me to be right, because in my mind, being right […]
So you've met a guy. What do you do next? Act interested? But you don't want to come on too strong. Ignore him? But then he won't know you're alive. Knock him to the ground? No, that only works in first grade. Though I've landed quite a catch now (shout out to my wonderful husband, Brian!), I remember it all too well . . . trying to get the attention of a guy you're interested in without making a fool of yourself.
Ah, flirting. That ancient art of trying to get the attention of someone you're attracted to while trying to prevent oneself from looking like a complete tool. I'll never forget my friend from kindergarten who thought he would win a girl's heart by putting all of his toy cars in envelopes and giving them to her each morning as gifts. By third grade we had matured and moved on to advanced techniques like ignoring or teasing the girls that we liked.
As I listened to this song I often picture myself dramatically belting the chorus into a microphone as a country singer star. While, in all actuality, I am just sitting at my desk bobbing my head and swaying to the music (desks are rather inhibiting to any other type of dancing). But as I sat and desk danced I started to think about how much this song cuts to the heart of most girls.
But the battle isn't over.
I have to recognize my humanness and be vigilant. There's a spiritual battlefield happening around me (and a selfishness in my own heart still) with an enemy wanting to tear me down, especially in this time of engagement and preparation for marriage. I'm thankful that the Lord rooted this out of me; I would never want to bring this evil into my marriage. But I also understand the struggle and the humility I've learned in passing through what will likely be the major battle of our generation, and the battle our sons and daughters will all have to face.
For a while, though, I lost hope in a happy ending to my story. I thought I was 'tainted' or 'damaged goods.' I didn't know Jackie was coming (if I had, I would never have left my room!). She's been saving herself for marriage, and I had to confess to her that I didn't. I messed up. But the way that Jackie loves me ‘Ìâ‰âÂÌâ‰Ûù in such a pure, disinterested, and benevolent way ‘Ìâ‰âÂÌâ‰Ûù has brought so much healing. She told me one night that she doesn't want the 'Bobby of 2007' or the 'Bobby of 2010;' she wants the 'Bobby of now.'
I'm 29 and a virgin.
No, I don't have some incurable alien disease that causes people to shutter at the sight of me. No, I don't have the sex drive of a grandma (unless it's my grandma who had 11 kids). And, no, I'm not Tim Tebow's girlfriend.
We, like the Samaritan woman, continually ask God, 'Where have you been?' or 'Where were you?' when relationships or life don't go the way we planned.
The thing is God never asks us, 'Where have you been' because He knows where we've been. He knows the websites, the parties, the rooms we have entered, and the bottles we have opened to satisfy our thirst. He knows the relationships we have been in and the lines we have crossed emotionally, physically, and sexually. And yet, He sits at the wall of the well waiting for us to discover Him and accept His mercy and love.
Think about the coolest thing you've ever made and how excited you were to show it to your friends and family. You didn't find your best creation to be boring, stupid, and ugly. If you had designed the iphone 5, you'd be pretty stoked to show the whole world your handiwork.
Now imagine you had the power to create a person who could think and feel . . . and possibly love you back. I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty obsessed with my person.