Yesterday, December 26th, we celebrated the feast of St. Stephen. He was the first martyr. Isn’t it interesting how the Church has placed the feast of Christmas and the feast of this saint right after one another? I feel like we’re supposed to learn something here . . .

Accepting Jesus as our Savior and following Him costs a lot. Blessed Bartolome knew that and wasn’t afraid of death even though it meant leaving his beloved behind.

Below is a letter that Bartolomé Blanco Márquez wrote to his girlfriend from prison the day before he was executed during religious persecution in Spain in the 1930′s.

He was executed on Oct. 2, 1936, at age 21. Right before he died he cried out, “Long live Christ the King!”

My dearest Maruja:

Be strong and make a new life; you are young and kind, and you will have God’s help, which I will implore upon you from his kingdom. Goodbye, until eternity, then, when we shall continue to love each other for life everlasting.

From Zenit.com

Co-dependence is dangerous because it seems like a good thing.

What it is. You rely on the person whom you are dating for everything. This person gives you a sense of worth. This person is the reason for waking up.

Where you see it. Some high school relationships begin fine and then after a couple of months the two fall into co-dependence. You know it when you see it because the couple tends to leave behind their friends and family.

Why people accept co-dependence. Co-dependence is very deceptive because it pretends to be a mature relationship that it is not.

Why co-dependence is the counterfeit of love. Let’s get this straight. In a healthy Catholic marriage, two people depend on one another, they inspire one another, and they live for one another. Yet in the middle of that they are able to maintain a healthy sense of independence. This is a good thing! But this kind of relationship can only happen with a life-time commitment to one another.

Choosing to date someone and then forgetting about your friends and family is unhealthy. You need those other people to be a part of your life so that you can make balanced decisions about this new relationship.

But ultimately, the real problem is that another person should never be your source of life. That person will not always be there for you. That person cannot save you. That person did not die for you. That person is not God. The only person you should be dependent upon is Jesus Christ.

“LORD, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, My God, my rock of refuge, my shield, my saving horn, my stronghold!” ~Psalm 18: 3

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The Flesh May Be Weak, but the Spirit Is Willing

Crash diets don’t work. If a woman loves donuts or a man loves buffalo wings, they have the choice: control their flesh or schedule the angioplasty. Simply eliminating the temptation isn’t enough; the body must be retrained and self-control must come into play. The same is true in the battle for purity.

You are a sexual being. Everyone is. Your body was created with sexual desires for a reason, a purpose. However, the fact that you were created with such desires doesn’t mean they should dictate your life. Sex, in and of itself, is not the goal of life. It should not be the motivating factor. Sex is not a mere act. Sex is not power.

Sex is a language, gifted to us by God, that speaks of commitment and self-sacrifice. Sex is an expression of unconditional love, a unifying experience for a man and woman who have offered their lives to one another and to God.

Sex outside of the bonds (that’s right, the bonds) of holy matrimony is contrary to God’s will for several reasons.

Sex is procreative; it is the means through which God brings a child into the world. At its most fundamental level, that is what sex is all about. As the Church teaches, every child must be brought into the world through an act of love on the part of the parents. In this, conception models God’s own creative nature. God forbids us from conceiving a child in any other way—through any artificial means of conception.

Sex is also unitive, it is a binding act that unites not just the bodies but the hearts and spirits of the couple to one another and to God. Sex creates a permanent bond of love meant to foster the unity of the couple. That unity helps create an environment congenial to the raising of children. Premarital sex is sex without permanent commitment and nearly always opposed to the creation of a child.

In marriage, the couple confirms their openness to motherhood and fatherhood and the purpose of the sexual act is fully realized. In Catholic wedding vows the man and woman declare that they will willingly and joyfully accept children. In achieving this end, artificial contraception is not an option, although a couple may space their children using the method commonly known as natural family planning.

The couple also states that they will remain together as long as they both shall live. This permanent commitment transcends the graying, wrinkling, sagging and slowing down that come with time. This vow affirms that the attraction shared between husband and wife exists beyond the borders of sexual satisfaction: “No matter what happens,” the couple is saying to each other, “you are more than a body, and sex is more than an act. I am in this forever.”

If you are sexually active and not married to your partner, reconsider the language that you are using. It’s God’s language, and it is not open to adaptation or interpretation to suit your situation.

What’s the Use?

Sex in contemporary society is primarily about use (pleasure) rather than purpose (unity, procreation, pleasure). Where has this left us as a society?

Click on the image above for more articles about love.

Pornography ensnares both men and women and families suffer. Divorces proliferate, leaving millions of young people leery of entering marriage themselves when they grow up. Sexually transmitted diseases leave innumerable women unable to bear children. Mothers are left to raise children alone and women are abandoned as they age because their men used a “forever” language with a “for now” intention. Countless men and women are embittered after having been thrown aside when they have fulfilled their “use.”

Consider this: when singles hook up or married people stray, sex is usually the goal, although we can fool ourselves about it, and often do. But what usually happens after the sexual thrill fades? Heartbreak and shattered lives. This should tell us something, but it doesn’t seem to. Too many people leave one illicit sexual situation and fall right into another.

When sex becomes the goal, it has lost something intrinsic—its spirit of self-sacrifice, of total and permanent commitment. In other words, it loses all that makes it sacred. When it is separated from its God-designed purpose, it becomes an act of using someone—or using oneself in the act of masturbation. And let’s be truthful: politicians might argue that oral sex is not actual sex but anyone who is honest knows that’s ridiculous.

If you are a young adult who wants to avoid the heartbreak that ultimately accompanies premarital sex, choose chastity now. The self-control, spirit of self-sacrifice and understanding of love that you acquire will also help to protect you from divorce when you do marry. Chastity now and a right understanding of the nature of love and commitment will help give you the inner strength to make it through the difficult times that come in all marriages.

What are we offering and taking, giving and using? If we want to advance to that next level of life, men and women need to take a look at it all. Otherwise, the “game” is over. Of course, if sex were just a game there would be no consequence, no emptiness, no pain and no sin.

This episode’s panel includes host Matt Smith joined by Kemi Ndolo, Alissa Roberts, and Maria Raus.

Along with Matt Smith as host, Pam Savoia, Nick Chavez, and Candyce Smith join the conversation.

Joining host Matt Smith in this episode are Katie Heller, Maria Raus, and Ryan Miller.

Joining host Matt Smith in this episode are Carrie Bigley, Kemi Ndolo, and Nikki Magnus.

This episode, the gang answers the question, “I just helped a girl that’s a friend of mine get through a breakup, but now I’m attracted to her. Should I ask her out?”

Our panel for this episode is: Matt Smith, Katie Heller, Ryan Miller, and Candyce Smith.

Skip to:

1. Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg – “California Gurl”
2. Rihanna and Eminem – “I Love the Way You Lie”
3. Lady Antebellum and Charles Kelley – “Need You Now”

Fail: Relationships never last when they confuse lust for love.

1. Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg – “California Gurl”

How it sounds: It’s a peppy and carefree song about young love in California.

What it says: The meaning within the lyrics are mindless and kinda creepy. The whole song is about girls trying to look hot to grab the attention of guys. And if the guys notice you, then you’re mission is accomplished. This song is no different than every other Snoop song over that last 20 years that objectify women, except this time Katy Perry thinks she’s awesome because celebrates her role as the object of lust.

“We freak
And we’re cheap
So play the songs on the stereo”

Girls, be careful when you sing along because this is precisely what you’re singing.

This cheapness, in the words of the Prophet Snoop, is all he’s looking for and therefore he likes Katy Perry: “Cause you representing California.” I could quote him more, but it’s all nasty.

This song just beams with stupidity.

The Truth: I’m amused by the fact that the Bible speaks against every part of this song in Sirach 9: 7-8:

“Gaze not about the lanes of the city and wander not through its squares. Avert your eyes from a comely woman; gaze not upon the beauty of another’s wife. Through woman’s beauty many perish, for lust for it burns like fire.”

Why? Because when you take away the cute flirtiness of this song and all your left with a twisted message: guys will lust over girls and so girls should oblige. Our society loves to glorify lust in music, but when it’s acted upon in reality, it causes great pain. Most people get this so I won’t belabor the point.

The more seductive idea behind the song is being “in love” with the things of this world. The Bible warns us about against this in 1 John 2: 16-17:

“For all that is in the world, sensual lust, enticement for the eyes, and a pretentious life, is not from the Father but is from the world. Yet the world and its enticement are passing away. But whoever does the will of God remains forever.”

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Fail: Violence and spite destroy a relationship, no matter how pretty it sounds.

2. Rihanna and Eminem – “I Love the Way You Lie”

How it sounds: A catchy song about a man and woman sorting out their struggles.

What it says: This song is so screwed up that I don’t know where to start. So let’s talk about the most obvious first. Rihanna glows about how satisfying it feels to be with a hateful boyfriend:

“[You’re] Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
[You’re] Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie.”

Despite some early lyrics about repenting, it hardly sounds like Eminem is is willing to change his violent character. Later in the song, Eminem threatens his girl if she tries to leave:

“If she ever tries to f*#!ing leave again
I’mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire”

Yes, those really are the lyrics to that song. I know that Eminem has made a career by routinely shocking people with his violent lyrics, so I’m not surprised here. But I do think it’s sick that he hooked Rihanna into this fantasy of violence just two short years after R&B singer and long-time boyfriend Chris Brown tried to kill Rihanna after she accused him of cheating on her. I would say it’s ironic that she’s swooning here about the romance of violence, but it’s not ironic. It’s just confused and sad.

The Truth: The Bible is very clear that this type of mindless drama in relationship is wrong and has NOTHING to do with love. Read 1 Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.”

Read John 15:12:

“This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.”

Jesus died for us–the people of his church–because He loved us so much. Real love is about dying to selfish desires and so that you can love and serve one another. There is no room for anger, lies, or violence.

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Fail: You can't build a relationship on emotion.

3. Lady Antebellum and Charles Kelley – “Need You Now”

How it sounds: It might be a sweet song. It’s late at night and a broken-up couple starts to miss each other.

What it says: When compared to the previous two songs, this song has some redemption because at least these two seem to genuinely care for one another. Unfortunately, their affection about emotion motivated by loneliness and drunkenness:

“It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now. And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.”

The Truth: Never forget that love is not a euphoric feeling that consumes us. Love is a verb. That means it is an action that we must choose. Know that a solid relationship is built on love that serves and respects one another. It’s only when you are in the safety of a Christ-centered relationship that you’ll experience full emotional satisfaction. The other stuff might be fun, but it is here today and gone tomorrow, just like songs on the radio.

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Like most girls, I love watching chick flicks. It is romantic and exciting to watch a love story unfold and end happily ever after. However, at the end of the movie, I feel incomplete as a single woman and immediately start daydreaming about my future spouse.

St. Paul says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit,” 1 Corinthians 7:34.

Am I acting as though I am unmarried or married when I am focusing on my future spouse? Sometimes when we think our vocation is marriage, we tend to focus on catching a guy with our beauty. The more we flirt, the quicker we fall in love and live happily ever after… or so we think.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised,” Proverbs 31:30.

St. Paul isn’t saying we can’t look beautiful; he’s saying a woman who fears the Lord is desirable. Before we think about marriage and dating, we must first learn how to be a holy woman of God. When God is the center of our lives, He will provide the right husband in the right time.

In the meantime, God wants to romance us. He says in Hosea 2:14, “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her.” God has an adventure planned for your single years. If you are not focused on Him, you may miss the opportunity to find His blessings. Here’s 4 ways you can start your romance with God:

1. Every relationship needs communication. If you want to have a healthy relationship with God, start listening to what He wants to tell you through His word. Check out the daily mass readings on LifeTeen.com or use an outline that guides you through the Bible in one year (It’s only 4-6 pages a day).
2. Evaluate your activities and try to find hobbies that bring you closer to God. Writing poetry and keeping a journal can help you release stress in your life. Try writing what you are grateful for and your prayers intentions. In a few months, revisit them and see how God answers you.
3. There are a few things to keep in mind if you decide to date. First, ask yourself what your motives are for dating. Keep an open heart and evaluate if your romantic relationships are drawing you closer or farther away from God. Always pray and discern if God wants the relationship to lead to marriage. Knowing marriage is in the distance future, ask yourself if the relationship is a good idea for your emotional and physical purity.
4. Read books that helps strengthen your faith (ask your YM or CORE for ideas). You can find books at the Life Teen online store or check out Life Teen blogs/podcasts/videos online.

In our world, there are so many distractions that pull us away from God’s love. I’m not telling you to give up chick flicks and guys; I am encouraging you to be more aware of the negative messages that could draw you away from God’s plan for your life. By adding God into your daily life, you can spend less time worrying about things you can’t control and more time being loved by an infinite being.