So here is my advice to you . . . be radical! Don’t go back to your old ways. It’s a sad trend that we go on these awesome retreats, have this amazing experience of God’s power, fall deeply in love with Him, but then leave it all behind when we toss our flip flops to the back of the closet.
What if after St. Paul had his conversion experience with God, he went back to his old ways of killing Christians? That would be weird (and tragic). Then why do we think that we can return to our old ways? You don’t have to sell yourself short. Be different.