Brian Kissinger

Are You My Soulmate?: How Do You Know if You’ve Found “The One”?

Q: How do I know if the person I’m dating is “the one”? What if I miss out on my soulmate?

A: I have to admit that Courtney (my wife) was not the first “one” I had ever dated. I dated other girls before her, and there was even one or two that I thought I might end up marrying. It’s so tough when a relationship ends, especially when one of you was convinced that they had found “the one.”

This may sound totally unromantic, and I get kicked out of my Nicholas Sparks book club for saying this, but I don’t believe in the idea of soul-mates. I don’t buy into the idea that God created us for freedom, that He loves us so much that He gives us free will, only to have us all pre-programmed with some matching partner in the universe that we need to find to be complete.

Don’t get me wrong; I am overwhelmed with gratitude that God gave me my wife and her presence in my life is proof that God is madly in love with me. What amazes me about my marriage is that God gave us both the freedom to make our own choices and He let us meet each other and experience a love that is a glimpse of heaven here on earth.

How did I know that Courtney was the girl I would marry? I was attracted to her from the first time I saw her, but it was over time that her beauty unfolded and I got to see more and more of just how great she is. I spent time with her, I spent time with her family and introduced her to my family, and I talked with my spiritual director and other close friends that knew me well. I felt like the man in the parable of the pearl of great price who had found a treasure that was worth giving up everything for (Matthew 13:45-46).

You are a treasure and you’re worth waiting for. Your purity is worth defending, and the person who’s worthy of you will defend your dignity by protecting your purity. Though we live in a world that celebrates the body in a way that ignores the soul, your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and deserves to be treated with reverence (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Don’t settle for someone who’s only interested in getting closer to your body and sees your purity as an obstacle to their happiness.

As you search for “the one,” here are a few things I’ve learned:

  1. You can trust in God’s timing; you don’t need to rush into anything.
  2. The person you’ll marry is worth waiting for. They’re worth all the disappointments and heartaches from those relationships that turned out to not be “the one.”
  3. You won’t have to convince them that you’re good enough or that you’re worth loving. They’ll love you for who you are.
  4. Your life right now really matters. Every decision you make, every habit you form, is molding you into the person that you’ll become.
  5. You’ll know that you’ve found “the one” when they’re willing to meet you at the end of the aisle as you both vow to spend your life serving each other. Until you’ve made those vows, don’t give all of your heart away.
  6. Emotions and chemistry (the feelings, not the class) are great, but love is so much more than chemistry. Real love is about choosing, time and time again, to put the other person first. Lasting love isn’t buckled into the roller coaster ride of emotions; every day it chooses to help bring the other person closer to God, no matter what.

Do you have a question about dating and relationships you’d like to ask Brian and Courtney Kissinger? Email them at [email protected] and your question could be the next blog post!

Brian Kissinger

About the Author

I’ve never lost a game of "Scene It" and I just don’t understand why people have bumper stickers of paw prints on their cars. My biggest fear is dancing in public and I used to have an imaginary friend named P.J. Kuszykowski. Seriously.