I hate sharing. I hate being open. I hate talking about my feelings. I hate being vulnerable.
Today, at daily Mass, Christ showed me something. As I sat in the church for a few moments before Mass started, the priest came out to prepare everything. When he opened the tabernacle to count the hosts, I bowed my head because, as I thought to myself then, Jesus was exposed. After I thought that, I started to think about what it really means to be exposed.
When we are in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament we say that Christ is exposed. What we usually mean when we say that is what I later found to be the fourth definition that dictionary.com has for the word “exposed.” This definition is, “to present to view; exhibit; display.” What the Lord made me realize as I sat before Mass today was dictionary.com’s first definition for expose, “to lay open to danger, attack, harm, etc.” In other words: to be made vulnerable.
As I said, I hate being vulnerable. This is something that I struggle with every day. Jesus showed me today how He chose – and still chooses – to be made vulnerable. He chooses to be exposed, defenseless for us so we can have a relationship with Him. He chooses this because He loves us and because there is nothing He desires more than for us to be close to Him.
This realization isn’t going to instantly resolve my struggles with being vulnerable. It isn’t going to magically teach me how to bare my soul to everyone I meet. What it is going to do is remind me Who it is that I am struggling through this for, and Who it is that showed me what that struggle is worth.
What is it worth to you?