Missionary Blogs

I don’t want some of you… I want all of you

I have been reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity… whoa this book  has been doing amazing things for me! Here’s one quote from the 50 pages that I copied down haha 🙂 :

“Give me all. I don’t want so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off  a branch here and a branch there. I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked-the whole outfit.I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you MYSELF: my own will shall become yours.”

This past weekend we had a women’s retreat here at Covecrest. It did wonders for my heart. During adoration on Saturday night, God blessed me with an image. The image was of myself being crucified on a cross. I saw my body on a cross, and then I died. The world was full of darkness and silence. Suddenly, light came, and I had a new resurrected body come down off the cross. I fell to my knees, and Christ embraced me. I then saw myself entering an arena full of angels and saints. All I saw was light surrounding me.  Christ was walking with me into this arena and smiling as He introduced me to all the saints. I was smaller than the rest of them but my body was resurrected and white (without blemish) like the rest of them.

Now, I don’t know how you would’ve reacted to an image like this, but I felt complete ecstasy. I felt an emotion and union with our Lord that I had never experienced before. I felt…. completely transformed. Ironically, 8 days before that I had started a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I was asking the Lord to heal me and purify me. The night before I ended the novena I am blessed with this image, and the day I ended the novena is DIVINE MERCY SUNDAY. Praise the Lord. I woke up on that Sunday feeling that the Lord had taken my heart and healed it but also transformed it.

I feel a freedom I’ve never experienced before; not just a happiness for a day or so. I am sure that there will be days when I feel down and frustrated with my sin and weaknesses, but I feel that the Lord has taken a hold of my heart. He is being so tender and loving with my heart and speaking truth into lies that I have believed my entire life. I feel that the Lord has cut down my tree completely and transformed me. My old self has been crucified, and I pray that each day I may live in this new spirit that lives out of Christ only. This is the beginning of my new and permanent journey with the Lord… 🙂 FREEDOM.

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