Amanda Cassar

Struggling to Accept

I just purchased “Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska” and HOLY COW!

Gosh her life is really really REALLY cool. I’ve only been flipping through a bit of her diary these past few days in prayer but she just has these one liners that hit a place in my heart that really connects with me, a place where God is working right now.

In this section she is explaining how she has known since she was SEVEN that she was being called to the religious life…EXCUSE ME…SEVEN?! I don’t even think I knew how to tie my shoes at seven, and this beautiful woman of God hears the voice of the Lord telling her to be a saint. She describes her call as “an invitation to a more perfect life” (DoSF7). Saint Faustina clearly heard the voice of God, and I pray to be that obedient.

Anyway, continuing on her journey, she is faced with her parents rejecting the idea of her entering into the convent, and she decides to pretend like she didn’t hear God’s voice calling her. God speaks to her and says, “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off” (DoSF9)? ¬†At that moment she goes to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament and God continues to speak to her heart telling her what convent to go to, and that he will provide for her.

After all this time of praying and discerning she finally enters the convent. As she goes through her time at the convent, there are many things/people that bother her and she wants to get up and run. But again Jesus comes to her and says, “It is to this place that I called you and nowhere else; and I have prepared many graces for you” (DoSF19). She knows at that moment she must stay.

This beginning journey of Saint Faustina is very much like the phase of life I’m currently going through. I knew in the depths of my heart three summers ago that I was being called to be a Life Teen Missionary. I kept pushing it away in my prayer and God kept asking me that same question. “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off”. I was scared, I didn’t want to let go of the great control I had over my life, I thought I was doing quite well. I was comfortable.

When I finally broke out of my comfort zone is when Jesus started pushing me. Then Jesus placed that missionary call to “a more perfect” life on my heart. But as he placed that call, I also had my own plans and ideas of what this year of missions was going to look like. Now that I have found out my placement for next year I feel like God is speaking directly to me when he says “It is to this place that I called you and nowhere else; and I have prepared many graces for you”. I’m struggling to accept that because Jesus loves me, I will be serving in Atlanta. I’m struggling to accept that there is nowhere else but there that I am called to serve next year.

I ask you to pray for my heart to accept this great and amazing plan that God has for my life. Give me the courage, humility and obedience to realize that he knows better, and this plan is greater.

Categories: Atlanta


Amanda Cassar

About the Author

I'm from Long Island. I have a funny accent. I can't eat Gluten or Dairy, and I really love Jesus.