Looking for love

Love… What is it about love that effectuates us so easily? Even in a world filled with war and hate, ‘Love’ is everywhere. Think of the most recent movie you have seen, can you honestly tell me there wasn’t a love plot involved at all? Most recent movie I have seen: Warm Bodies. Great hilarious movie about zombies… One zombie who falls in love with a human… wait…WHAT?!  That’s right, love is everywhere, even in the undead!

Since love is everywhere I thought I’d tell you guys a bit of my pursuit for love. I am twenty-three years old and still haven’t had an actual girlfriend yet; still haven’t had my first kiss or anything like that. I’m sure there are many of you out there who are in a similar situation. And seeing these movies or reading these books or listening to songs like me might be asking “WHAT THE HECK?! GOD, WHERE IS MY VOCATION?!?!”

I know that was a thought that went through my head often, and still does. You see, this is my first year since I graduated high school that I haven’t been on a dating fast. That’s four years of fasting from dating!!! During my dating fast I felt as if God was saying. “Felix, give me your heart. Let me heal it and form it. Then, when you are ready, I will give it to your bride.” This blew me away and so I trusted.

[If you don’t know much about dating fasts I would suggest reading my fellow missionary ‘s blog about her journey in her dating fast. http://lifeteen.com/missions/2013/02/13/i-quit-boys/]

So, when my dating fast was over you can kind of imagine I was ready to just dive into my vocation. To simply find this wonderful girl and fall in love [or for God to just drag me into the seminary if that’s what he wanted]. But that never came. Instead it was almost as if nothing changed; and recently I started getting kind of anxious because marriage has been coming up a lot lately in my prayer. Which terrifies me surprisingly.

 

Since I was in high school I always thought God would call me to the priesthood. But now, He is putting the opposite on my heart and I am realizing more and more how unprepared I am to bring some beautiful woman closer to God, let alone be a father and raise kids! Ahhh!!

But still, the tug and the desire is on my heart. So, the other day I was sitting in adoration and praying about my vocation. And a saying came into my head. Maybe you have heard it before. “For a woman’s heart should be so buried in The Lord that a man must seek God to find it” and I realized how beautiful and how true this was. So, it became my prayer. I began to pray “Lord, let my wife’s heart be so deeply buried in Yours that the only way I can find her is by diving deeper into Your heart!”

And this is where I am now. I haven’t found that one or began dating. BUT, I have begun to pursue her. I have begun my pursuit by pursing the Lord’s heart. I have complete faith that the more we look around trying to find that ‘special’ one, the more chances we take to miss them. I am confident that if we all simply dive into the heart of Christ then at a certain point, Christ’s way of loving us will be to introduce us to our spouse.

So, brothers and sisters, as our minds are filled with love stories, poems, songs, pictures, or thoughts… Pursue the Lord! After all, He is the source of true love and the One that loves us most!
“Love isn’t something you find. It’s something that finds you.” –Loretta Young

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