Lately God has been doing a lot in my heart regarding trust. He has shown me how trustworthy He is and how to trust the people He has put into my life.
However, He didn’t tell me right away just how much trust He was looking for. Starting on my eight day silent retreat He started reminding me of the time I spent discerning a vocation to consecrated life. I spent six weeks of my summer in a discernment program back in 2006 praying about whether that could be the vocation He might be calling me to. At the end of the summer I left, not really sure of God’s plan for me, but knowing that I wasn’t called to consecrated life at that time. Years passed and I stopped thinking about my vocation. I went through several different relationships and eventually concluded that I was called to be married.
During the week that I spent in silence one of the strongest messages He spoke to my heart, as I mentioned before, was trust. However, another thing He seemed to be doing was taking away all certainties that I had thought that I had with my vocation.
The first day of my retreat went from one “coincidence” to another, all related to vocations. I was so angry! By the end of the day I was having a (silent) shouting match with Jesus. Beginning with “What the heck?!” and ending with “I am so done with this!”
Day two I took things a little more gracefully, especially when my spiritual director told me that I wasn’t allowed to pray about my vocation just yet. We were to pray about other things first (like healing – clearly I needed it!). So, I grumped at Jesus a little bit and put it aside for the time being.
I never ended up praying to know my vocation that week, but I spent so much time soaking up the Lord’s love and learning just how trustworthy He really is that I forgot I was ever angry.
I left that week completely confident of the Lord’s trustworthiness… but no closer to knowing what my vocation was or why He had pulled this rug out from under my feet to begin with. The more I pray through it, the more the Lord shows me little bits of His plan. I still don’t know exactly what God is doing with my vocation right now, but I know God is asking me to trust Him more and to fall more deeply in love with Him. And I am confident that as long as I can do that it really doesn’t matter where He leads me because I know that His plan is better than anything I could ever come up with myself.
My challenge for you today is to take just a few minutes and let the Lord have a chance to speak to your heart. He may not give you the whole picture or tell you each step you need to take, but I promise that if you let Him show you His plan for the moment you’re in you will soon see that the journey is just as exciting as the end result.