“Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours.”
Praying boldly is hard knowing that you might be led somewhere out of your control and to places you didn’t expect or feel like going. Saying, “I will go wherever you send me” or “I surrender” takes a lot of courage. I still have a hard time boldly praying these prayers. If we really want to give it all, that is what we are called to do in the Christian life. So slowly, I have begun to pray, “Humble me so that others might be exalted” and “I surrender” so that God can truly be the one leading me.
Back in September, I remember sharing during morning prayer my apprehensiveness to pray “break my heart for what breaks yours.” So much has happened in my heart since then because today I find myself joyfully praying those words throughout my day. Only through His grace am I able to trust Him and be open to His healing and forgiveness.
I continue to pray, “Lead me Lord,” even though praying that God will lead me sometimes leads me places I don’t necessarily feel like going. Often I don’t feel like waking up early to pray or continuing to love when I am tried, but it’s in those moments when God blesses me the most.
Being on mission this summer at one of Life Teen’s summer camps, God has brought me the most beautiful souls to serve. Whether they are incredibly faithful or come from lives of violence and gangs, drinking and sex, it doesn’t matter because it’s their beautiful souls that I see. We all thirst for God; I just pray that I am able to love with His heart and that my heart is broken for what breaks His. The gospels say Jesus’ “heart was moved with pity” for His people. May my heart be moved with the same love.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve Christ’s people. Truly I am not worthy of such a blessed life. I have learned that the life of a missionary – prayer, community, and outreach – is always worth it, even though loving until it hurts does really hurt. Through it all, I can always find joy knowing that God is always with me, speaking to my heart, “You are my beloved daughter with whom I am well pleased.” Hopefully one day, I’ll be welcomed into heaven – “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Until then, I’ll keep loving until my heart is truly broken for what breaks His.