Do you ever think, “Lord, I cannot do that. Why me? Why not someone else?” I did and still do sometimes. I remember my first excuse for not becoming a missionary: “Lord, I am not good enough. Why do you call me? I am not a good example for teens. I do not know all the prayers. There are so many people better than me.” But, God chose me and not someone else.
Even when you look at the disciples, you see that they were just fisherman. They were not more special than other people. God chose them, and even they failed. They all ran away when Jesus was persecuted, out of fear for their own lives. Look at Peter: he denied Jesus three times. But, Jesus still loved them. He asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?” and Peter said yes three times. He forgives all of the disciples, and sends them out to proclaim the good news.
When I got here, I compared myself with all the other missionaries. I did not know how to pray out loud. I did not know all the prayers. I had only given one talk in my life. I thought I was not good enough to be here. I asked God, “Why did you call me? There are a lot of better people out there who can do a better job at this than I do.” I struggled with this for a long time. I did not give talks. I did not lead prayers. I kept myself from doing all kind of things because I thought others could do them better then I could. I was afraid to mess up. This continued until after my eight-day silent retreat. God told me I had to stop thinking all these negative things about myself and let Him take over. So I did…
Half of the missionaries went to Washington D.C. for the March for Life, but before that we went to Baltimore to do an XLT at a parish. We had a meeting about who was going to give the talk, and it was very clear that God wanted me to give the talk. I really did not want to do that, so I did not say anything the first time, but it kept coming up in my prayer, God was very clear that He wanted me to share my story. I finally gave in and said that I felt that I was supposed to give the talk.
I gave the talk, and it was amazing to experience how God worked through that. I was so nervous before the talk. I prayed before the talk that I may say what God wanted me to say, and during the talk I felt a sense of peace falling over me. God definitely worked through me that night because I would not have been able to give a talk myself.
As Saint Therese of Liseux would have said: sometimes God wants you to be a rose, even when it feels better to be a daisy. God challenged me by asking me to do a thing I would never do.If I would have thought about this a year ago, I definitely would not have thought that I would be here giving talks and feeling confident about it. I still don’t necessarily like giving talks, but I learned to let God take over.
God is challenging you, too! How can you be a rose when it feels more comfortable to be a daisy? Or how can you take a step back and be a daisy instead of a rose?