I thought I had a pretty good prayer life, but I came to Covecrest and all my time spent in prayer felt really dry, like I was getting nothing out of it. You’re not always supposed to feel something in prayer, but I could tell something was off. Every now and then, I have a profound moment with God, but I was longing to feel more personal and intimate with Him. I say Jesus is my best friend, but I wasn’t saying much to Him! Think about your best friend or someone important to you. You’d do almost anything to keep your relationship consistent, by spending time talking to and listening to them!
During our 8-day silent retreat a few weeks ago, I was able to get away from almost all distractions, even my husband! This was my opportunity to really get personal with God. I was reflecting on the Gospel story of the hemorrhaging woman, who stops Jesus on His way to heal someone else, and she asks for healing for herself. I thought that if I were her, I wouldn’t have bothered Jesus on His way to someone else because the other person needs Him more. But, Jesus immediately healed her, and then continued on to heal the other person.
Mark 2:17 says, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” I used to read this and think it wasn’t about me, but it’s about all of us! God wants to constantly reveal His love to us and heal us from things that happen along the way—physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. His healing isn’t just for those dying of difficult diseases, or someone who has been severely abused. His love isn’t just for the lonely, oppressed, unloved, and people who can’t help themselves. His forgiveness and mercy aren’t only for the people who commit the worst sins. We all need His healing, love, and forgiveness: healing from things done to us and from sins we’ve committed. You can see our need for this by the ways we struggle to say and do the right thing.
But, we have to let Him know we need Him! I used to take Psalm 139 to heart- that God knows all of our thoughts and everything about us: that I could just sit in silence during holy hour and that would be enough. He does know our thoughts, and silence is good sometimes, but He wants us to come to Him, like we would go to a best friend. God wants a relationship with us: for us to tell Him everything, no matter how foolish or small we think it is, and He also wants us to believe that we can come to Him with the biggest things, the things that seem impossible. He will take care of them, just as He did for the hemorrhaging woman!
He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be cured of your affliction.” – Mark 5:34
We can’t feel like we’re a burden to God or that we’re bothering Him. He wants to be there, and He always will be there waiting for us to turn to Him to be our strength. He can heal us from everything, but sometimes He uses our pain and wants us to turn to Him and unite ourselves to His suffering when we feel pain. Jesus is the only one who can truly understand all of our suffering—look at what he endured for us! And he’s the only one who can love us completely unconditionally.
Let’s be the hemorrhaging woman and stop Him no matter what we need, believing that He can do whatever we ask, but trusting that He is God and will act according to His plan. Maybe God will answer you right away, or it could also be a lengthy process—or maybe He has a reason for whatever your issue is and won’t healed you from every thing you pray for. But it doesn’t hurt to ask!