During one of my Desert Days I decided to not make my own plan for my prayers and Holy Hours but to ask God to lead me.
I sat down in the chapel before the Blessed Sacrament and said to Jesus: “Okay, here I am, just tell me where to go”. And immediately I heard Jesus saying in my heart: ”Ellen, you are My Beloved”.
Instead of being happy with these nice words, I was mad and frustrated because I knew that Jesus loved me, so I wanted Him to say something new. But that’s not what happened…
Jesus kept saying to me in the silence of my heart,”You’re My Beloved”. The more He said that the more I got frustrated because I started to realize that I didn’t understand what He meant. I had heard so many people say “Jesus loves you”, but I didn’t understand it in my heart.
After a long time of frustration I decided to tell Jesus I didn’t understand Him. This conversation between me and Jesus followed:
E (Ellen): Jesus, what does it mean that I’m Your Beloved?
J (Jesus): That I love you.
E: hmm, yeah… I got that… but what does that exactly mean for my life?
J: I am everything.
E: What do You mean?
J: I’m your God, your King but also the Love of your heart and life. I will give you everything you need and will make you completely happy.
E: But how is that going to happen? What do I have to do?
J: You don’t have to DO anything. Just come to me and let me fill you with My Love. Just be quiet and listen when I say to your heart: “Ellen, I love you.” Listen and try to believe it. See my love for you in everyone and in everything around you. Know that I will take care of you and that I will give you everything you need. But COME to Me so I can give it to you, so I can say that I love you. Come especially in the moments you’re not happy with yourself, when you’re feeling bad. Do not hide in yourself anymore but to come to Me so you can hear Me say: “Ellen I love you”. Know that I have given everything for you and that I will keep giving everything because I love you and I want you to be happy.
It finally clicked and I finally understood what Jesus was saying to me: His Love is not based on what I do or how good I am… It’s not about me at all, but about Him. He has chosen me, He loves me… but do I let Him love me? That’s my challenge: to really open my heart, listen to what Jesus whispers in the silence and to believe it, to let God love me first instead of trying to earn His love and to run to Him instead of trying to fix everything on my own.
Easy? Not at all. But the moments I am able to listen and to accept His Love are amazing. These moments are filled with peace and joy. To know that I’m loved by the King of Kings, the God of the universe, is enough and gives meaning to my whole being and every aspect of my life.
God wants to show us his love. Will we let him love us…just as we are?