It seems that there is always a backpack at the foot of my bed holding a change of clothes, deodorant, and some hairspray. I usually come home after being away for a couple days, put it down, crawl into my bed, and promise to unpack it later.
We have been traveling a lot lately. We’ve been going to this parish, this person’s house, this conference, this retreat. Right now, I am home for a space of less than twenty-four hours. Tomorrow I will re-pack my bag to go on a girl’s confirmation retreat for the weekend. Whew.
The good part is that in all of the whirlwind of different events, people, and places, the thought, “I love my life” has crossed my mind several times in the past month. I do love my life. I love the way that we get to live. I love the joy that comes with living a life that is different than what the world says is normal or appropriate. I love the people that we meet. I love the way that God is moving in our mission. I love getting to see His glory every day. I love the priority that we get to place on our prayer lives. I love the way that we get to live and breathe mission. It is a gift.
At the same time, I also miss my bed. I miss the comfort of being in my own bed, in my own apartment, knowing exactly where everything is, and how my morning routine will go. I sometimes miss having free evenings, and the time to catch up with friends who I haven’t talked to in a while. I miss the comfort of having consistent relationships, and being close to my family.
I am thinking about that tonight, as I come home a little bit exhausted, knowing that the Lord has to make my heart ready to get up and go again tomorrow. But I am also thankful. I’m thankful that He gives me the grace every day to keep loving Him. I’m thankful that I get to earn my pillow every night. I’m thankful that there is some kind of energy, drive, and passion in me that keeps me going through each day. I am amazed at the grace and the joy that He pours out when He calls us to live for Him.
So tonight, I am tired, but thankful. Thankful most of all for all of the reasons, and the people, and the moments that allow for me to be tired tonight. Thank you Jesus for letting be a little, imperfect vessel of Your love.