It’s funny how much your life can change in a year, a month, a week, or even a day. If you told me a year ago that I’d be a missionary this year I probably would’ve laughed in your face. I knew I wanted to eventually go into missions but I was going to do it on my own time and in my own way. I wanted to go to school and get a college degree first. I wanted to join the military and be a helicopter pilot. I wanted to get a double major in theology and history and minor in philosophy, and I wanted to go play softball at the college level. After I did all these things I was going to be a missionary. This was my plan and I had it all figured out, or so I thought.
I’ve been told several times that if you want to make God laugh just tell him your plans and then sit back and watch as he destroys them! The four year school I was supposed to be going to this year to get those degrees I wanted, shut down in the spring after I got accepted. I went on a mission trip to Nicaragua and God used the poorest of the poor to break my heart. I stopped caring so much about playing softball in college because I wanted to be able to spend my college breaks going on missions. I got accepted to Life Teen Summer Staff and spent 6 weeks ministering to teens while God used them to destroy me and break my heart. None of those things I planned for, yet they all happened and impacted my heart.
Soon my priorities all changed and my life no longer became about doing things the “normal way”, the way society tells us. By the end of all these events I didn’t care if I got a college degree anymore, I didn’t care if I one day lived in a shack because I met people who lived in less than that and they were happier than I’ve ever seen any American. I no longer cared about making money, or anything that society tells us we should care about. I only cared about Jesus and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life giving Him everything and loving Him and His people with everything I have.
I wound up applying for the Life Teen missions program in mid July while I was still on Summer Staff. I found out that I was accepted into the mission program exactly one month before I had to show up at Covecrest for Mission Academy. By saying yes and becoming a Life Teen Missionary I knew that for the first time in my life I was doing what God wanted and not what I wanted. I felt so good about it and was so happy to be joining the mission program, but it wasn’t until after I began the year that I realized that I wasn’t truly following God’s will at all.
I got accepted for this mission year to live in Germany and I left America on the night of October 15th to begin my year there. I knew within the first few days of mission academy that I wasn’t supposed to be going to Germany. I desired to go to Germany, but I knew that it was my will and not God’s. Going to Germany was my way of giving God my all by being a missionary, but still being comfortable and withholding some of me by not being a missionary where He wanted me to be. I was afraid to truly give God everything so I found a way to act like I was giving everything while secretly withholding my complete all from Him.
It took less than three months for God to put the desire to truly give Him my all through my rather thick skull. I was content with being in Germany but the entire time I could feel God pulling on my heart to truly give Him everything and not just act like I was giving Him everything. After a lot of prayer and discernment, I decided that I wanted God to really have my all, not just most of my all. On January 8th, my mission brother Caleb and I jumped on a plane and flew back to the U.S. God called us back to Covecrest and we’ve been living here since then and will be living here for the rest of the year.
The past month and a half has been so blessed; I can’t even describe it with words. I’ve grown more in my faith walk in the past 6 weeks than I have in my entire life. God’s healing and destroying me and teaching me what it really means to love and serve, and I love it. I’m finally giving God my everything and am throwing my fears aside and doing His will. I’m answering God’s call and I couldn’t be happier about it. For the first time in my life God has me exactly where He wants me and my plans had nothing to do with it. I signed on to this mission year to go live in Germany thinking that I was answering Gods call to be missionary. Now I’m five months into my mission year, living at Covecrest, and am truly answering Gods call with none of my own strings attached.
My life is not my property, my life belongs to God! For the first time in my life I can say that sentence with complete honesty. My life is Gods! I’ll go wherever He sends me and do whatever He asks because at the end of the day, I know that His plan is a thousand times better than mine and that His love is so indescribable. Wherever God leads my life from here on out I know it’ll be ok because with God, nothing is impossible, and as long as I do His will I know I’ll be going down the right path.
( Song Currently stuck in my head: Matthew Redman – Heart of Worship)