Lately, I have been realizing that I need a big increase in faith and trust in the Lord. I’ve found myself questioning a lot, “What are we doing here, Lord? Are we really making a difference? Is this really what we’re supposed to be doing? Are we following You? Did we miss something that You were trying to say to us?” Sometimes I just want to shut off my brain.
On Sunday, we went to a Life Night at a parish. I HAD SO MUCH FUN. We hung out, played sardines (sort of like hide and seek), played mafia, ate pizza, etc. Guitar hero was being played in the background. At one point, we were all hiding in the kitchen in the semi-dark and I heard one of the teens say that she didn’t want to leave. I thought: VICTORY! I left with so much joy in my heart, and also really tired from running around and from being excited for three hours.
This whole event also helped me to realize that in all of my questioning and worrying, I often freeze and so prevent the Lord from using me, or am just blinded to what He is doing because of my lack of faith. And then there’s also the trust part. A lot of times I get so wrapped up in worrying if I’m doing the Lord’s will, that I forget that GOD IS NOT TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME! The Lord is not trying to trick me. He is not giggling in the corner while I frantically search for Him. He WANTS me to do His will. He wouldn’t make it tricky for me to follow Him. It might be difficult sometimes, yes. But the Lord isn’t a malicious God who puts breadcrumbs down the wrong pathway just to watch me stumble.
I know what you’re thinking: “DUH, Sara. Of course God isn’t mean.” But isn’t that sometimes how we react in our hearts? We place these human attributes on God, sometimes even negative attributes, and treat Him as if He is out to get us. And yet we admit in the same breath that the Lord died for us, because of His radical, unreasonable, selfless love.
That’s why I need more faith and more trust, or maybe just a better memory. I need to remember in those doubting, questioning, worrying moments, that my God is a good, loving God who is worthy of my trust. He wants me to follow Him.
(Note: Sardines is one of my favorite games. If you don’t know what it is, it’s like backwards hide-and-seek. One person hides, and everyone has to search for them. BUT the awesome part is that when you find the person, you hide with them. So in the end you have a bunch of people hiding in one place, and the last person is left wandering around in a building wondering where everyone went, UNTIL they stumble upon a large group of people giggling and shushing one another. Haha. I once participated in a game where the hider hid in a shower. Five minutes later there were eight of us crammed into a shower trying to be quiet. Then someone turned the water on. AWESOME, huh?)