Do you believe?

Take look at the missionary webpage where it has all of the missionaries on the right hand side column.  Go down to where you can see my face… enjoy what a handsome man I am… now, go six missionaries up…. see that woman there?  Enjoy her beautiful face as well.  Her name is Kristina Smith, I hope I counted right.  She is a wonderful woman and right now God speaks through her more than anyone or anything else in my life.   I don’t know if that is good or supposed to happen, but to explain, I am dating that wonderful lady.

She is the most amazing but frustrating person in my life… she will probably laugh when she sees this.  Frustrating or not, God is speaking through her.  As much as I want to be the spiritual leader and mentor for her, I have to admit that I also learn from her.  Right now, God is speaking to me through her.  He is challenging me.  He is challenging me in a big way.  I am scared.  I am scared of what is to come and I am scared that I might fail.  I am scared that I won’t be able to love enough.  I am scared that I will not be able to protect or to provide.  The further I dive into this relationship, the more fearful I become.  But, this is where God begins to move.  He is challenging me to believe in His power to transform, heal, and provide.  He is whispering in my ear, “Paul, do you trust in Me?  Do you trust that I have you, that I got your back?Do you believe I am going to make you the man that is needed to care for someone else?”

Kristina is much better than I am at sharing her life with me.  And God is challenging me through her sharing.  He is basically pointing at her and saying “See her? She is doing it, why aren’t you?”  It is a hard but wonderful thing to be challenged by God.  My prayer for the past couple weeks has been to share more of my journey with Kristina – trusting that God is guiding me and that He isn’t going to forget about me and my weaknesses.

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