I’m not answering that question. It was just to lure you in! HA! Just kidding. But seriously. The full moon over the hills at Covecrest is an incredible sight. I was sitting in mass tonight and reflecting on St. Paul’s letter to the people of Ephesus. I purposely sat by the window so I could see the moon lighting up everything in sight. Paul talked about rooting ourselves in Christ and finding our worth in Him. Even then, people were struggling with finding their worth in money or popularity, just as some of us do today. In my own life, I have struggled with this often. As I strive to make sure there is no king in my life but King Jesus, I started to think about my struggles and the struggles of the people that have gone before me.
For the past couple of years I have been pretty independent as far as my living situation. I enjoy spending time with different families and friends, but sometimes at the end of the night I’d find myself wanting more and feeling kind of alone. I imagine St. Paul feeling the same way. A good friend of mine helped me through a reflection on that aspect of St. Paul’s life. After all, St. Paul was a normal guy with normal emotions. He left everything he had behind and followed Christ. I would imagine that every once in a while he got lonely. He would probably go up to peoples houses at night to spend time with them and be Christ to them, but before knocking, look through the window (not that they had windows back then) and see the family gathered around the table eating and laughing together. I’d also imagine every once in a while he would really want to say, “Can I stay a little bit longer? I’m tired, my feet are growing weary, and I just want a home.” I know that some nights he sat and looked up at the same moon I’m looking at tonight. He probably felt some of the same things that I feel. However, I think he was comforted by Jesus saying to him, “Paul, you are my beloved. Your home is not of this earth. Your home is deep within my Heart.”
As the Lord calls me deeper into mission, I’m comforted by those words, and by Jesus making it very clear that I have nothing to fear, because he goes before me always. I know that even when I don’t feel I have much left to give, even when I’m weighed down by despair, the Lord is pulling for me. I’m thankful for all the holy men I know who are constant examples for me. I’m thankful for Jesus’ open arms and His invitation to come and find rest in His Heart.