Dear Jesus, will you please provide now? Love, Sara

I’ve never been very good with change or transitions. Going from my first missionary formation year to a second year of missions has been a little more difficult than I expected. There has been and still is a lot of unknown in this second year, and I have had many moments of doubt and questioning. Like, “Really, Lord? There’s a week and a half until we are supposed to move to Atlanta, and still we don’t know where we will be living?” or, “Lord, I’m so tired of living out of a suitcase and not having a closet to hang up my clothes in. How am I supposed to focus when there’s no order to my life?” or, “Dear Jesus, I’m riding in the back of the car around this windy mountain road . . . again. Please don’t let me throw up. Please don’t let me throw up. Please get me off the roads of Tiger, Georgia.” And finally, all of my little prayers have been answered.

Yesterday we moved into our apartment in Atlanta. Carrie and I are sharing an apartment with two other great girls from Holy Spirit College, and we have been gifted with an incredible furnished apartment in a complex that also has two pools, a workout room, and a jogging trail. It’s a beautiful area. God really came through for us, even with all of my little moments of panic.  A couple of weeks ago, as we were praying for the Atlanta mission base, someone suggested that God was withholding housing from us in order to change our hearts, so that we would trust Him more. I wanted to throw my hand up in the air, with the confession, “It’s me! It’s me! It’s all my fault! I don’t trust Him enough! I’m sorry!” Many times when we would tell people that we didn’t yet have a place to live, they would say, “That’s so exciting!” And I would groan inwardly, not wanting everyone to know that honestly, I felt anxious and worried about the whole thing. The whole experience truly stretched my faith. God was constantly challenging me, “Do you really trust me, Sara? Do you really believe that I will provide for you physically, and even emotionally in this?” It was a journey of trust for me, a chance for God to really convict me that He is the Provider, that my home is in His heart, and that my rest comes under the shelter of His wings. I am so grateful that He would take the time to show me all of this, and thankful for the deeper level of trust that He has given me.

This morning, in Morning Prayer, we read Psalm 36, which says, “They feast on the riches of your house; they drink from the stream of your delight.” This is exactly how I have been feeling these past couple of days. God has provided for us out of the riches of His house. He has blessed us and has never forgotten us. I’ve also found that I’ve been appreciating the little things, like a bed to sleep on, a closet to hang up my clothes in, and a place to call home at the end of the day. Oh, and also the delicious brownies that one of our roommates baked for us. Mmm mm. Jesus really does know the way to my heart!

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About the Author

I am a convert to the Catholic faith, was baptized, received first communion and confirmation at the age of sixteen. I graduated from FSU in 2009, and have been a missionary ever since. I love Jesus, mission, coffee, and chocolate. I like to run slowly, dance with no rhythm, and laugh at silly things.