Finding my mother’s love for me.

The past two weeks have been such a blessing. We have been diving into Mary, her role in the church, how she can help us, and how we can come before her for guidance to our father. The most important things we learned is how she is our Mother. In scripture, Jesus gave her to us before he died so from then on we could address her as Mother.  She is the mother of the church. We also learned how approachable she is because all she wants for us is to lead us towards her son so we can understand what true love is. At the end of the week I felt like I learned a lot more about our mother, but I wanted to go out and put this teaching it into action. I always had trouble going to Mary because I did not have a real mother in my life until I was fifteen.  I really did not know how to come before her as my mother.  I never saw the point of it.  Why not go straight to the big guy, right? One night, we had adoration in the main room with a retreat group.  I thought that I would only stay for a few minutes since I already had a holy hour that day.  I sat in there for about ten minutes and could only think about why I should leave: I”m just not feeling it; I have to go put my cloths in the dryer; I have to go shower; and man, I’m kind of hungry. I really wanted to just get up and go do things that I needed to do. For some reason I couldn’t pull myself up.  I knew I needed to stay and that God was calling me deeper. I stayed and just started praying asking Mary to just guide me, to help me. Help me understand who she truly is. Then the thought of my aunt popped into my head. I thought about how she wants to get my dads ashes and either bury them or spread them out into the sea.  I was not OK with this.  It just felt unfinished.  I felt like I wanted to say good bye to my dad but but at the sometime not wanting to. Just thinking about that brought me to tears.  I tried to hide it because there were a lot of people around me and I didn’t want them to see me crying. A lady sitting next to me saw me and put her hand on me.  Now I was embarrassed because someone saw me. I really didn’t want to be comforted.  I just wanted to be alone so I didn’t look up at her. Then I could feel her hand tugging my shirt wanting me to lift my head up so she could say something to me.  I looked up and she said “Hail Mary”.  Then she said “ I’m getting this vision of Mary just wrapping her arms around you pouring her love into you. You are her child.  She loves you so much.  She is your mother.  She wants to keep you save and comfort you”.  I couldn’t say anything back to her.  I just sat there in awe.  I was just amazed how our God works in such amazing ways.  It’s not like Mary and I have this super close relationship yet but I know she is there.  Now I know that I can run to her.  Now I know she will show me how to be a better son.  She will show me how to love my earthly mother because I do not know how to love her.  God knows I love her but my ability to show her love is just a work in progress.  Mary’s deepest desire is to lead us to Christ so we can all be one.  Thank you, mother Mary.

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