As the Covecrest family has been preparing for summer camp, it has been quite a crazy and humbling experience. It is an incredible blessing for me to be able to witness the fruits that have come from this family praying all year for the Life Teen Summer camps. It has only been 3 days of the first week of camp, and God is already moving in powerful ways. Last night, we had our first adoration for the teens. I was able to hear a glory story from one of the summer staffers. She told us that her entire parish group was crying because the beauty of adoration overwhelmed them. Now, keep in mind that the teens here this week in middle school! Some are entering into 6th grade, and they are moved to tears by God’s love for them through the Blessed Sacrament. WHO AM I to be able to witness these miracles?! God’s glory is so infinite, so indescribable, so much bigger than I can ever understand.
My role for the summer is a blessed one. I am part of the prayer team. Each week, six different summer staffers are on prayer team. The summer staffers are college aged students who have been accepted to lead the teens that come to camp and be “camp counselors” for 6 weeks. 6 different summer staffers are assigned to prayer team each week, and this means that they are not assigned to a specific parish but rather are praying constantly for all the parishes. While the summer staffers are tubing or having parish pow wows, the prayer team is in the chapel praying or available for prayer for teens or chaperones. I help assign them holy hours as well as have the beautiful blessing of being present to them and minister to them. I am amazed at what God is doing in their hearts. I am so humbled that the Lord has chosen me to be present and witness the miracles He is performing in their hearts and how He is transforming them.
So that is what has been going on in camp, and this is what God has been doing in my heart personally. God has been teaching me a lot lately of what it means to be humble. Right now I am reading “I Believe in Love”. I want to share this passage with you:
If we knew all that we gain by humiliations, we would thirst for them. Besides, no one but disciples of Jesus can be humble. “For God resists the proud”. But He delivers Himself up- He gives Himself totally to the humble and the small. He surrenders to them. Not only does He not resist them, but He cannot refuse them anything, as was the cause with the woman of Canaan…. Let us love our littleness; let us love to feel nothing….. Humility is an abyss which attracts torrents of graces, which attracts Jesus Christ Himself into a soul. He was not able to resist the humility of the prodigal son, the good thief, or the woman of Canaan. The vacuum which humiliation makes in us when we receive it rightly is an emptiness, which attracts Him irresistibly. He bends over the soul who loves its littleness and nothingness; He bends over it with an unspeakable love.”
Ok… so kinda long, BUT these words are SO PROFOUND! Now I must be honest, God has been showing me that sometimes, well probably more than sometimes, I am not humble or do not accept humility well! I long to be appreciated and loved, but this means that I am not rooted enough in God’s love. If I were so rooted in His love, I would not be searching for it anywhere except from Him. I have been learning this struggle with humility during these weeks of preparation for summer camp as well as this week. I am a very relational person. I long to be leading small groups, speaking truth to the teens, and being used to lead. But, this is not the call the Lord has given me. Well, at least not in the way I have pictured in my mind.
God has not called me to minister to 200 teens through talks, but He has given me 6 of His precious souls, His treasures, each week that I may love on and come to know in an intimate way. God has not called me to lead in a visible way, BUT He has called me to lead in a supernatural way, to be praying without ceasing and stay close to His Sacred Heart and the Blessed Virgin’s Immaculate Heart this summer. He has not called me to DO this summer, BUT He has called me to LOVE. To love radically. To love until it hurts. If I really think about it, what greater calling could I have? He has called me to be little, to not be in the spot lot, but to love. It is amazing because I surprisingly am filled with so much peace as I have embraced this role God ha given me. Sometimes I plan myself what is best and what I think I am capable of doing; but God time and time again reveals to me this His plan for me is so much greater than I could ever imagine.
I pray that I may humbly accept His will for my life but especially His plan for me during these next few months. I pray that I may continue to stay close to His heart through the Blessed Sacrament and embrace the incredible role He has given me for camp. Lord Jesus, you are so faithful and you love beyond understanding. May I desire only what you desire, and may I humble myself before you so that you enter into my soul with your transforming power and make me into the person I was created to be! May I be little so that you may be BIG in me. May I empty myself of any self- love so that I may be filled completely with YOUR love.