For the past few weeks, my soul has experienced much spiritual dryness. Paying attention during Mass and Holy Hour seemed to be an endless battle. I had to intentionally force my mind and heart to try to stay attentive to the Lord. I had to keep begging the Lord for the grace to be able to stay focused. Let’s just say, I was incredibly frustrated and felt like I was failing as a Catholic and as a missionary. When I would attend Holy Hour, I would just sit before the Lord, look at Him and feel completely empty. I could feel Him tugging at my soul and calling me to give Him everything, but, I even struggled with that. Paradoxically, I longed even more to be in His arms.
In this morning’s Mass, something magnificent happened. As I went up to receive Holy Communion, I bowed before the Lord and opened my hands to receive His precious body. When the Host touched my hands, I looked down and realized that I was, indeed, holding Jesus. This knock in the head was certainly given to me by God’s grace. I never stopped believing that the Eucharist was Jesus’ body in my time of dryness, but, there was definitely something different that the Lord did in my heart today.
It made me think of the many times I take the gift of Holy Communion for granted. How many times do I just go up to receive, thank the Lord, and go on my way? It is truly an amazing gift that is worth so much more homage than I give daily. Jesus is alive and well; He is here… He is truly here.
After Mass, I was finishing my Holy Hour. I sat before the Lord, looking at the tabernacle and realizing that it inhabits the greatest treasure. It is the Holy of Holies. It is where our living God dwells. I couldn’t help but just long to be in God’s arms.
Today’s experience reminds me of Matt Maher’s song, “Letting Go” as he says, “I just wanna be in Your arms, moving ever closer to Your heart.” These words are so profound. What an image of safety, to be in the arms of Jesus and diving into the depths of His Sacred Heart. There is so much peace in His arms. There is so much love. Why would I want to be anywhere but His embrace? If I am to be a successful Catholic, I must first learn how to receive the love of the Lord. God’s love is overflowing. It is available for ALL of us. God is here. God is alive and well. God longs to be in relationship with us; to listen and speak to us and to give us His love.