Yesterday, I was challenged to ask this question: “Lord, what do I desire you to work in and through me?” Below is how I answered Him in prayer this morning. For this one, I’m not going to explain…it’s just all me, straight from the journal:
I want to be changed—ultimately and permanently, but also every day. I want to be convicted of the truth of your love—with a passionate, burning conviction that settles down into the very core of my being. I want to be confident and bold in that love—to a reckless degree.
I want others to know they are loved. I want to talk about their hopes and desires, and be with them when they discover that all of those point to you and are found in you. I want to journey with people toward you. I want to be your living heart in the world—I want to reach out to others in their time of need, in their confusion, in their rejoicing over glory stories. I want to see hearts changed by you.
I want to be able to really talk about you—in a way that’s not just talking, because we live out fully this life you’ve called us into: to work hard, to laugh harder, and to cry in both beautiful and tragic moments. I want prayer to be a joy and not a job. I don’t want to think about living—I want to do it!
I want to feel fully, deeply, with a heart that reaches out to others—I want to be moved by others; to laugh when they laugh, to cry when they cry, to dance around the kitchen with them when they’re bursting with excitement, to talk through the confusion.
I want to be able to love everyone—I mean, really, everyone. I want life to be full of people! I don’t want to think in abstracts or categories; I want to live in flesh and blood! I want to be a bearer of life!
I want to claim the freedom you’ve already won for me—to claim it fully, and live it! I want to be a woman of joy. I want to always wonder at creation and marvel at your movement. I want to always be wonderfully surprised by you—with that feeling of familiarity because you’re always surprising me.
I want to love recklessly, breathlessly—from the very center of myself and with all I have. I want to be selfless. To give, and keep on giving, and not count the cost.
I want to be unshackled by awkwardness and timidity.
I don’t want to tiptoe around convention or the status-quo.
I want the Holy Spirit that is alive and active in me to reach out and embrace the Holy Spirit alive and active in another—in the same way that John leapt for joy when encountering Jesus for the first time as Mary greeted Elizabeth. I want to live the mystery of the Visitation.
“he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, [‘Be opened!’] and (immediately) the man’s ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly” (Mark 7:34-35).
God, grant me the grace…