Lately, I’ve been trying to look at everything we do and recognize that God has something for me in it. Even if it’s something that we’re supposed to be running, like the Confirmation retreat this past weekend, or even if it’s something seemingly pointless like wiping down a table after lunch. I mean, if “God is here”, which He is, then He must be speaking in every moment, and I’m sure I miss it more often than not.
So going into this retreat, I knew that God wanted to speak to me in it. I knew that I had to be listening for God’s voice speaking into my heart, even in all of the noise of the retreat, even while I was trying to take care of the things I was responsible for. And I feel like I succeeded, at least more than I usually would, at listening to God’s voice in the midst of everything.
I felt so blessed over this retreat to be here with all of my missionary brothers and sisters, and I loved listening to each of their talks. I loved listening to Kaitlin talk so humbly about the Holy Spirit. I loved the way she interacted with the kids, and how she seemed to captivate their attention. And I loved listening to Paul talk about how God has been moving so powerfully in His life lately. And I loved watching Haylee as the MC, as she was constantly willing to be vulnerable with the teens and share with them parts of her own life and struggles. Over the retreat, I was realizing how gifted each of my brothers and sisters are. And instead of feeling as if it made me less, I really felt that it lifted me up in joy.
A lot of times it’s easy for me to compare myself to other people. It’s easy to look at others and think to myself that I wish that I could be more like them. And it’s easy a lot of times for me to look at other people’s strengths and respond by making a list of my own weaknesses. But I’ve been realizing lately that this is not from God. On the silent retreat, Br. John used the phrase “Beware to compare,” and it’s something that has been coming up lately in some of our conversations too. There’s so much truth in that statement! If I had been caught up in comparing myself with my brothers and sisters this weekend, then I would have missed out on the joy that I was able to find in their giftedness. But praise God that He gave me the grace to see clearly this weekend. He is so good to me.