Last week was the youth ministers retreat here at Covecrest. Even before people got here, I was so excited because my youth minister from high school was coming up! I expected it to just be a great week where I would get to spend time with someone who really changed my life, but God wanted to do so much more in my heart.
Throughout the week, and even since then, I found myself thinking a lot about where I was in my faith in high school, and how much God has done in my life. The other day, I went to the chapel to pray, and I really felt as if God was telling me, “Look at all I have done”. And sure, our God has done a lot. He became a man to dwell with us, died on the cross for our sins, rose again, defeated death, and even comes to us in the Eucharist. But I felt like God was asking me to look at all He has done in my life. I’ve been realizing just how present He has been to me, even before I really knew who He was. When I first started going to church in high school, I wasn’t Catholic, wasn’t even baptized, and didn’t believe in God. I was angry and bitter, and even hopeless at times. And yet, as scripture says, God has brought me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light. He has taught me of His love, and called me to be His little missionary here. It’s crazy how big God is, and how much He has changed me, even though it’s been this long gradual process in my heart.
I think I’ve realized that for me, conversion is often gradual. It doesn’t happen in this big colorful moment, but God has to gently teach me how to pray, how to love Him, and how to let Him love me. I’ve been thinking about how much work He had to do to bring me to where I am today. He has spent so much time and effort working on me. He must love me so much, to spend so much time teaching me how to be His daughter.
I’ve been left feeling so thankful that a God who created the stars would want to spend so much time creating me, that His creation of me continues as I grow and learn more about my faith, as He continually pours out His mercy upon me. His love is never finished!