So today during formation Chris told us about a friend of his, Mother Nadine (Intercessors of the Lamb) and how this one time in prayer she got an image of a throne in her heart, and God told her that on this throne there currently were two people on it – God and her. And God said to her, “Right now there are two people on this throne, and I am not moving.”
God is not moving. He is NOT MOVING! What a consolation! In a I way I know I am on the throne of my heart. I wrestle with His love for me. I question the greatness of it. It is so easy for me to say “This is too much love! How can He love me that much? How can He be that sovereign?” It is typically more difficult for me to let Him be on the throne when I am going through desolation (spiritual dryness) because I tend to question my faith and become fearful when that happens. But I am consoled in knowing that as much as I try to get on that throne that does not and will never change the TRUTH that He is not moving, He is not going anywhere.
So whether I feel Him or not – He is not moving.
Whether I wrestle with doubt or not – He is not moving.
Whether I am receptive or not – He is not moving.
He will never move. He will never give up. He will pursue me everyday – every single day.
The more I pray into my battle with not feeling His presence the more aware I am of this conviction of truth deeply engrained in my soul. I cannot bring myself to live my life for anyone but Jesus. If someone were to ask me, “What is the point if you don’t even sense His presence?” My response would be just that, I cannot live my life any other way or for anyone else. I can’t. I won’t. And that leads me to believe that even if my head cannot (I don’t think it ever will in this life) comprehend the Love He has for me, even if I cannot feel it, the truth of who He is and who I am in Him is still deeply rooted in my soul. There is no denying it.
Lord, THANK YOU for never moving. Grant me the grace to let there be one person on that throne, and let that be You.
As Chris said to me and Kaitlin today as we finished our 2 mile run (yeah we did!), “Get off the throne sister! Who knows, maybe if you’re good, He will let you sit on His lap.” Amen.