I enjoyed my Christmas break so much. I feel like last time (Thanksgiving break) I did not pray into the break much, I figured it would be fine. My family is pretty solid and devout to the faith so I thought I will have n issues really. But when I got home I found my heart embracing a defensive posture as opposed to a posture of love. I found my heart giving into impatience one too many times. I felt like I did not love as I could or should have. I learned a lot from Thanksgiving break. So going into Christmas break I was intentional about praying in preparation for my time at home, so my heart would have a posture of receptivity – a posture of love. What a difference! I was graced with the ability to love without condition, and my heart was not defensive at all. I loved spending time with my family, and sharing with them what has been going on in Life Teen Missions lately. I was able to show them a video one of our LT Mesa missionaries put together about our mission to Mexico in Deember (http://www.vimeo.com/8318321) and my parents were so joyful to see how God is moving that they both teared up. We all hugged for a good minute or two after watching the video together – it was so blessed. PRAYER MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE! Ah!
Something else that has been on my heart lately is the truth that I am God’s beloved. Do I fully embrace that truth with every bit of my soul? Well, not yet. Do I want to? Yes! And I believe God has been stirring things up in my heart in a new way since Mexico. Tonight we (Covecrest missionaries) embark on an 8 day silent retreat being led by Brother John Ignatius (http://servantsofchristjesus.com/blog/). I have never been on a silent retreat before. But I know that God will use this time to continue to unravel the truth my heart is in need of fully embracing. It’s very easy for me to become frustrated with not being able to see God’s plan and how He will work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). It’s far too easy for me to start whining and asking God “Why this? Why that? I don’t undertstand why you would expose me to this and leave so many unanswered questions – will there be more answers?” I was sort of doing that last night before going to sleep, and in an effort to get my mind off of things I was going to listen to my ipod as I fell asleep, but then I had a nudge to not do that, but to just be in silence and let Him grant me a restful sleep – and He did! I woke up so refreshed this morning, so awake, and even in the very chilly chapel during Holy Hour I was able to focus and really pray/journal. Which leads me to think that the silent retreat starting tonight, well I feel like it will be very fruitful. I can’t wait for God to move mountains in my heart – I want Him to!
One thing I wanted to share, really a picture, I walked on a frozen lake for the first time ever! Below is the picture.