Sooo…… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this question in the last 3 months. After making a very countercultural decision to not return to college for my sophomore year, I have been pondering this question for sometime now. “So Haylee, do you know what you are going to do after this year is over?” “I know you’ve only been a missionary for 3 months, but Haylee what about next fall?” “Haylee, what is your PLAN?” Ah!!! Stress… stress… stress from the world. And yet, in the midst of the chaos, the moment I separate myself from this anxiety and sit with Christ, the anxiety is gone. I am being convinced more and more each day that our God is a God of peace. He does not want us to be caught up in the stresses of the world.
“Worry ends where faith begins” When I get caught up in trying to answer all these questions about next year, I am unable to be truly present to the incredible blessings God is providing me in each moment. The PERFECT example of someone living so present is Caroline Ball. Every time I am with her, I absolutely feel God’s love. Usually, she will run up to me and ask me to hold her. Of course my heart melts every time she does this, and then she’ll start talking to me and literally will have her face 1 inch away from mine. Although most people don’t usually talk to each other with their faces 1 inch from touching, I cannot express the love I feel every time I am with her. Caroline is an example to me. She knows how to love each person that God puts in front of her, and through her, God is showing me how to be present; Caroline is teaching me that one of the greatest gifts you can give another person is your love, and that is to be present to them.
So… in answer to these questions I am being asked, all I can say is that I’m listening to whatever God tells me to do (or am at least trying). However, I know that God is telling me not to worry; He will tell me in His perfect timing what He desires for my future and how I am to go about fulfilling His will. I’m learning more each day the importance of my daily alone time with Jesus. He shows me everything that I need to do that day. He gives me the words to say when I can’t say them myself; He tells me how to love when on my own I have no idea how to; He fills me with His strength and love so that I can go out and be Christ to others. And in these moments when I am alone with God, He fills me with His peace. He lets me know that He is taking care of all, and all I have to do is be faithful to Him and trust in His divine will for my life.(and LISTEN! ) So for now, my only prayer and concern is to be present to God’s voice and to be faithful to the call He has revealed to me right now: to love and serve Him and to serve His people as His missionary.