Losing Control

Lately, I have been reflecting on the idea of people out of control.  When I first think of it, I usually associate it with something bad.  Someone who is addicted and has lost themselves to their addiction, someone caught up in the heat of the moment, anger or another emotion taking control and surrounding all thought.  In these situations, the negative aspect is fairly obvious.  In fact, there might not be much positive that comes out of these experiences except maybe for the mistakes and the lessons that are learned from such mistakes.

Our society is strongly built on an idea of control.  Some of it is positive.  Nobody wants to lose themselves to an addiction.  Nobody wants to be labeled as out of control in a fight.  Being out of control is bad, in control is good.  But I wonder where this idea came from?  I wonder who made the first distinction that being in control is good.  Is it ingrained in us? Is it something that we are born into?  I don’t know where the idea came from but I DO know that every fiber in my bone screams at me to be in control.  My mind and brain goes crazy when I am slipping and am not firmly in touch with everything going on (this could be an international, national, local, physical, emotional, and psychological situation).  I have noticed that I am incredibly strong person.  NOT physically. But emotionally and mentally.  I have an amazing  and sustainable grip.  A grip on the strings of my life.  A grip that pretty much nothing has been able to get through.  A grip nothing can get OUT. . .

SO . . . what happens when all of a sudden I hear the message: LOSE CONTROL?  What happens when the environment and the people around me are NOT in control of their lives?  What happens when everything that I have known is suddenly not true?  Losing control is the GOAL . . .

WHOA. . . when I just said that, I got shivers. . . LOSING control is the GOAL. . .

This is speaking volumes to me right now.  I am tired.  I am getting tired of keeping my hands clenched tight on my life.  I have been holding up a thousand strings to every aspect of my life and have even been trying to hold up strings of other people.  So, I am tired. I am anxious when other people enter in my life because the minute they do I begin to pick up more strings that help me to control more.

BUT, I am here. . . and God is HERE.  And the message that I have been getting lately is to LOSE control.

LOSE CONTROL!!!!! (I am shouting this in my head)

What does this mean? This means that I gotta drop some strings . . . I have to drop ALL the strings. Here, we are constantly talking about giving up our lives to Christ.  Giving up everything and just laying it down at his feet.  I always understood what the message meant.  But I never felt what the message meant.  And I think it is an incredible message for me right now.  I am beginning to feel the idea of losing control of my life.  Something I don’t think that society understands.  Most people would not be able to understand this idea of just allowing God to take control.

mmmm . . . that’s it.   Those words feel great today: Allow God to take control.  That idea is . . . cool.  That idea . . . is very radical to society because it means becoming something that is unrecognizable to the world.  Someone that society might look at in disdain and label: out of control.  BUT, thats AWESOME!!!! I WANNA BE OUT OF CONTROL!!  I WANNA LOSE MY CONTROL TO LOVE HIM.  I WANT TO LOSE CONTROL OF MY FEELINGS FOR HIM.

I want him to control me . . . .

Categories: Missionary Blogs


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