Captivating

Okay so let me start by saying if you haven’t read Captivating, you should, very soon. Thanks Kelly for getting me hooked on this book!

Okay so I was swept up in this book from the moment I picked it up. You see deep down inside I struggle with myself image. The girls at my house can tell you there are days I change my clothes five times before I’m happy with what I see in the mirror. I struggle with the idea that I am good enough to be loved, or desired. I often times struggle with feeling worthy of the gifts I’ve been given, like the life I lead, or the friends that have been put in my life. So I have an issue, that’s the point and the root of why I’m afraid of being a strong woman of God. I haven’t claimed my title of Beloved daughter of God. So this book was a huge eye opener for me. I picked it up and didn’t want to put it down.

Now through reading this book, I was able to see where I needed the help, and take that to God. Something changed inside, our relationship changed. You see I kept hearing it from friends or my sisters “Carrie you know your God’s Beloved.” My outward response was yes, as for the posture of my heart, it was saying that I truly believed something different. Oh and I did, I thought no, not me, your saying that to be nice, yeah whatever God loves me and all but not like that, not that deeply. I’m not his beloved I can’t be, I’m not good enough.”

So as I’m reading this, I get to this chapter about God romancing hearts, and at first it was the same as usual, “God would never do that for me.” Then I got to thinking, taking the times mentioned in the book trying to think if anything like that has happened to me. That’s when a brick smacked me in the face (not literally), I was being so dumb, God was totally romancing me, like crazy, all the time, so here I am freaking about what I just discovered, fitting all the pieces together and whatnot, realizing just how much God was in love with me. Me? For real? My heart was opening up to all these possibilities, if what I was thinking was true. The things I just see as little things were being reveled to me for a reason, no one else would find these little things special or exciting, because they are for me, little gifts God shows me, because he knows what I like, because that is how he is romancing my heart, he is breaking down the walls past heart breaks have built up, and he is romancing me like crazy….for real!

So then I’m at adoration on Saturday night, I won’t go into all the things me and God were fighting about (yeah we were bickering a little bit) Before you know it I’m crying, which I don’t do often in adoration (usually adoration is a happy time for me, not a tearful time), but then we get to this point. (ok hold on, I’m going to try and explain this, but it’ might not make sense at first) So when you fall in Love all this stuff happens, fireworks explode, butterflies in your stomach, you know all those cliché things that happen in the movies when two people fall in love. Well wouldn’t you guess it, God romances my heart once again, he comes charging in like my knight in shining armor, to save me from all the horrible things in my life, and as I’m sitting in adoration my heart or should I say my stomach is filled with a bunch of little butterflies, and I get all excited because I’m looking at my Beloved.

I’m falling in love with God in a way I never thought possible, now I thought I loved God, and I did, but not like this. I fell in Love with God in a deep intimate way, the kind of love where you can’t wait to see him, and you can’t stop thinking about him, and when you do think about him a smile comes to your face and the people around you know you’re in love.

Jesus is romancing my heart better than any guy could do. My heart realizes just how worthy I am to him, how he is fighting a war for my heart, for my love, he loves me WAY more than I ever thought possible and he is here for me even when I don’t think he is. (:

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