In formation we are reading the Return of the Prodigal Son, an amazing book that we are diving into and discussing how we each can relate to the Younger brother, older brother, father, and bystanders of the story and how we grow closer to God through the realization of the struggles we face in these characters. On the front cover of the book is Rembrant’s painting of the moment when the son returns to his father begging to be his servant because he is unworthy of being his son. How many times have we fallen to our knees begging for Gods mercy and then when we stand up we fall right back into our sin because maybe its comfortable or maybe we think we can leave “home” without leaving God. What is it going to take for us to fall to our knees and then lay our head on God’s chest to listen to His hearts desires for us? This is the question we discussed in formation today.
Flash back a couple days ago…after evening prayer I felt like I needed to stay in the chapel a little bit longer. I sat in the chapel alone and just began to cry. God had been placing trust on my heart so much lately and I did not understand. I thought I was being vulnerable and trusting my community and Him by sharing my struggles and what had gone on in my life to lead me to this missionary year. I was being open about my past and trusting that no one would judge me. God was not calling me to trust Him with my past…its the PAST…it cant be changed…He wants me to fully trust Him with my future! It may seem obvious to some people but I guess I was not always trusting Him with every part of my future just when I came to Him in prayer about something. So in formation today I came to an understanding that I really need to be trusting God with it all, stop thinking about what I want or what makes me comfortable and my doing that I also need to be trusting my missionary brothers and sisters that they will help me grow in that Trust. Now comes to the title “Trust Fall”…I have never done the trust fall (if you do not know what it is, you stand on a platform maybe four feet off the ground, with your back to all the people who are going to catch you, and then you just fall back and pray they catch you. SCARY I KNOW)…I was never even able to get on the platform without sweating and shaking and breathing hard…but for some unknown reason I mentioned that doing the trust fall might be a literal and physical step to me trusting my brothers and sisters and God…trusting that they would care enough to catch me. After the words came out of my mouth I wish they had the capability of going right back in because Paul immediately goes “Lets do It!” and so began the heavy breathing, sweating, shaking, o and the walk to the trust fall….ugh…along the way we ran into David who of course wanted to join in on the fun :/ but I felt better about having another set of arms there. Thanks God for that comfort! We reached the platform and I climbed up (it felt higher then ever before), everyone is telling me their advice and I knew that I didn’t want to turn away. I really wanted to do this. I wanted to trust them and God. I began to have images of how they were not set up right or someone in the middle would sneeze and move their arms right when I was falling and SPLAT, mud and my back would make contact…So I quickly screamed “I TRUST YOU” and in unison they all yelled “TRUST US, FALL ON!” I closed my eyes, screamed, and fell back…It was over very fast and they just held me for a couple seconds, smooshed between the two sides of people, like a giant net. They did not immediately let go. But when they did, they made it seem like I had just accomplished running a marathon in 2 hours. They were really proud of me. At that moment I felt comfort and knew that they would walk with me on my journey to trusting God’s plans for my future, that they would hold me up and not let me go until they know I was ready…And that is exactly what God wants us to know. That He will hold us, smooshed to His chest, and never let us go.
THANKS Chris, Paul, JJ, Mark, David, Paola, Haylee, Sara, and GOD! You