Courtney Kissinger

I am a Secret Admirer: Is it Okay to Have a Crush?

Q: I have read all the Catholic blogs and articles on dating and love and guys and so on and so forth, but I am still confused as to if it is acceptable to have a crush on a guy. Is it wrong to have a crush on somebody?

A: When I was in high school, I had a serious crush on this guy. He was captain of the football team, student council president, smart, friendly, funny, and a really great Catholic. To prepare for the inevitable, I practiced writing his last name with my name. I faithfully picked his name as one of my four options when playing M.A.S.H. I spent a significant amount of time daydreaming what it’d be like to marry him someday. Six years later I did watch him get married… to one of my best friends.

So was it wrong that I had once had a crush on my friend’s future husband? No, I don’t think so.

Having a crush on someone is totally normal. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else, and it’s good to be drawn to those good characteristics that we notice in them. We’re designed to interact and form relationships with other people. As we spend time with others, it’s totally normal to find ourselves “crushing” on someone because we think he’s really funny or cute or sweet or witty or holy or, worst of all, all of the above!!

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your crush…

  • What attracts you to this person? Are you attracted to his kindness, his character, his love for God and others? Or are you attracted to his tattoos and foul language? Stop and ask yourself if the qualities you find yourself attracted to are ones that you hope to find in your future spouse.
  • How old is the person? Crushing on the guy who sits in front of you in chemistry class is very different than crushing on the married man who teaches your chemistry class. (Not only are married men off limits, TV has taught us that married chemistry teachers may also be meth kingpins in their spare time)
  • How much of your day is spent thinking about this person? Do you find yourself constantly thinking about what he might be doing, thinking, or eating right now? You don’t need to waste your time analyzing the look he gave you in the hallway, his latest tweet, or that new girl that’s in at least 43% of his Instagram pictures.
  • Have you considered the fact that he may not be the one for you? Don’t invest your heart and mind in an imaginary relationship with someone who doesn’t even know you exist. The reality is that whoever you have a crush on now is not likely to be the same person you’ll have a crush on in five years, let alone the one you’ll end up marrying.

When we notice something attractive in another person, we’re seeing one of the ways God has blessed that person. Be grateful to God for the ability to see goodness in that person and pray for the grace to see God’s goodness in everyone.

Do you have a question about dating and relationships you’d like to ask Brian and Courtney Kissinger? Email them at [email protected] and your question could be the next blog post!

Categories: DatingMy Relationships

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Courtney Kissinger

About the Author

I graduated from law school and then decided to become an elementary school teacher. I’m married to an arguably attractive youth minister, Brian, and we have the cutest daughter. I hate cheese. That includes cheese on pizza, Nacho Cheese Doritos, cottage cheese, and cream cheese. I will eat cheesecake if it’s covered with chocolate.