Halloween is quickly approaching, and while most of us will take this opportunity to get creative and eat our weight in candy, we all know that we live in a world where ‘costume contest’ often translates to ‘how little clothing can I get away with?’
In our culture, the object is often to ‘look hot’ on Halloween – which is pretty ironic, since a lingerie-plus-bunny/cat/mouse ears combination usually leaves a girl freezing. I’m sure that referee suits and teddy bear costumes will be a hot ticket this year, thanks to Miley and Robin (which, I’ll admit, I’d find really scary). *sigh*
Blessed JPII said that the problem with pornography (and I’m going to add, immodesty) is “not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” Baring that much skin reduces human beings to body parts, making it almost impossible for the rest of us to recognize their dignity.
Modesty is a seemingly endless topic of conversation (the girls in my youth group can tell you – they call me ‘Rachel Leggings-Are-Not-Pants Allen’) but that’s only because it’s such an important topic.
Honestly, Miley, I can’t stop… I won’t stop… talking about modesty, because I know you all see and hear a million immodest messages every day. We could go round and round on the subject until we’re blue in the face, but let’s just admit it: our culture thinks that less is more, and that’s ridiculous. More is more. Obviously.
It’s easy to hide behind the excuse that everyone else is doing it. But Halloween costumes are best when they’re scary, or funny, or clever. This holiday was not created so we could walk around in our underwear (although I suppose exceptions can be made if you’re going as Superman. Or Quailman. But those guys wear their underwear over their clothes, so that’s different).
Don’t worry, this isn’t a lecture – I don’t want to go on a rant about immodesty and then leave you hanging. If you’re looking to go as something awesome (and modest) this Halloween, here are a few ideas to get you started:
Don’t underestimate the value of a white bedsheet with eyeholes cut out. Or a witch, a mummy, a monster, a werewolf, etc. Zombies will certainly be hot this season, what with Warm Bodies and The Walking Dead. It’s also hard to go wrong with superheroes and Disney Princesses. They’re called classics for a reason – they’re always in style. And nothing is scarier than a clown. *shudder*
The Culturally Relevant
The King isn’t dead, and he isn’t only for dudes this year. Just ask Zooey Deschanel in New Girl.
Gentlemen, Justin Timberlake has brought back the suit and tie, and we ladies highly recommend you get on board. Grab your best tuxedo t-shirt, and a fedora, and call it a day.
If you have access to a blonde wig and a live goat, you could make an amazing Taylor Swift – Trouble (Goat Remix Edition). Just make sure to keep the candy away from the goat.
Dress up like a fox and let everyone know what you have to say.
We live in a ridiculous world – there are endless options for mocking it while keeping your clothes on.
The Cutest Couples
If you’re spending Halloween with that special someone (a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or maybe just a BFFFFFFF), here are some ideas that come in twos:
My friend Michael grew out his hair for Pantene Beautiful Lengths last year, which made him weirdly prepared to dress up as Han Solo. Caitlyn helped him out as Princess Leia, and the result was nothing short of spectacular.
Other contenders: Deb and Napoleon Dynamite
(or Kip and LaFawnduh – always and forever)
…or JD and Turk, if you’re dudes. That kind of bromance is a beautiful thing.
The Inanimate Objects
True story: some of my favorite Halloween costumes of all time involve people dressing up like objects. You don’t even have to be a Pintrest master to pull some of these off:
Make your self a cardboard Capitol Building sandwich board, then hang a ‘Closed’ sign around your neck (haha, government shutdown, get it?!). Bonus points if you find a sign that says ‘Closed’ on one side and ‘Open’ on the other, and flip it back and forth all night.
You could also go as my old phone. Buy or make yourself an app t-shirt, then glue pieces of rice to yourself and tell everyone about your tragic day at the pool.
Cover your clothes in Post-It notes that say things like, “I’m washing my hair;” “My dog ate my homework;” “I think I’m getting sick – cough cough.” Then carry a cane and walk with a limp. You are now a LAME Excuse.
Or turn yourself into a Lost and Found – just get a cardboard box big enough to wear, strap on some suspenders, and throw in one shoe, a friend’s hoodie, a notebook, etc. You could even collect extra props at your party.
…and if all else fails, just borrow all of your best friend’s clothes and come as him.
Just remember: Modest is hottest… literally.
Happy Halloween, kids.