Q: I’ve been friends with this guy for a long time. We get along great, and everyone says we’d be cute together, but there’s one problem. He’s discerning a vocation to the priesthood. How can I control my feelings for someone who’s not available like this? Classic Catholic girl problem, am I right?

A: Thanks for the email. You’re absolutely right, this is a classic Catholic problem. Part of the reason is that it’s so attractive to see a person striving for holiness and pursuing God’s will. It’s natural for our hearts to be drawn toward people who are living for something greater than themselves.

At the same time, it’s important to respect the fact that the guy you like is discerning the priesthood. This doesn’t mean that your feelings for him are bad; actually they’re a good indication of the fact that you are attracted to virtue. This is much more helpful than a heart that is only attracted to “bad guys.”

Now for the tough part. If he really is discerning and seriously thinking about seminary, I would strongly encourage you to give him space to do this.

Discernment toward the priesthood is kind of like a dating relationship. It would be confusing for him to be trying to figure out his call to the priesthood while he’s pursuing a relationship with you. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to date him with this vocational question always lingering in his mind and heart.

The reality is that God has an incredible plan for your life. If nothing else, then at least your standards have been raised and you know that there are great guys out there. You don’t have to settle for less or wonder if you’ll ever meet someone who is both attractive and holy. So many young people settle for less because they doubt there’s anyone good out there.

It’s impossible to force your feelings to go away, so don’t think that you are doing something wrong by having these feelings of attraction. What you can do, for your own heart and for your peace of mind, is to give him (and yourself) space and time to figure this out. I’m sure he values you, and if he does discern that he’s not called to the priesthood, then you can deal with that in time.

In my own life, I see how much time I wasted over wondering what could happen if situations or relationships were to change. I missed out on so many opportunities for personal growth, because I was either waiting around for someone or just imagining what might have been. You can be sure that God has good things and happiness for you, right now and right where you are. He wants your happiness more than you do, and His plans are worth the wait.

For anyone who is discerning, or anyone who is wondering what discernment is, you should check out this blog. It’s written by a Dominican (religious order, not nationality) brother (friar, not sibling) who does a great job of explaining what discernment is and isn’t.

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me” (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

Do you have a question about dating and relationships you’d like to ask Brian and Courtney Kissinger? Email them at Itscomplicated@lifeteen.com and your question could be the next blog post!